Cultivate mindfulness as the most important ingredient for satisfying sex, aiming to be fully present, in sync with yourself and a partner, and attuned to every sensation.
Address and reduce chronic day-to-day stress, as it directly links to impairments in sexual function, and mindfulness is a very effective tool for this.
Practice mindfulness to reduce sexual distress and improve specific domains of sexual response like desire, orgasm intensity, erection retention, and pleasure.
Challenge the myth that sex is purely automatic or biological; understand that stress is often a bigger contributor to sexual difficulties, opening opportunities for self-efficacy and control.
During sex, consciously bring your mind back to the present moment and bodily sensations, rather than letting it multitask with distracting thoughts or judgments.
Improve your ability to sense bodily sensations (interoception) through mindfulness practices like body scans, as this directly translates into improvements in sexual desire.
Reduce self-criticism during sexual activity by acknowledging negative beliefs and judgments as passing thoughts rather than letting them dominate your experience.
Address shame related to sexuality by treating it as an emotion like any other, bringing ’equanimity’ (same attention, awareness, acceptance) to it, and observing its physical sensations to loosen its power.
To stay present and grounded during sex, deliberately integrate all your senses (sight, touch, smell, taste, sound) into the encounter.
Define pleasure for yourself, moving beyond societal stereotypes about intensity, frequency, or type of sexual activity, to embrace a nuanced, experiential, and full-body understanding.
Treat your body as a ‘constant source of new and different sensation’ during sexual exploration, recognizing that its responses to touch change over time due to aging, hormones, and other factors.
Engage in ‘sensate focus’ with a partner, starting with non-erotic touch (head to toe, excluding erogenous zones) where the receiver mindfully tunes into sensations without anticipation, then switch roles and discuss the experience.
Practice sensate focus weekly to confront anticipatory thoughts and worries during touch, allowing you to stay present and improve communication by observing your partner’s body responses.
Practice ‘back-to-back sensing’ with a partner (standing or sitting) for 10 minutes, focusing awareness on your own bodily sensations and the feelings of their body against yours, to ease into mindful connection.
Practice ‘Sexual Sensations Awareness’ by first using a sexual tool for about 10 minutes to elicit arousal, then setting it aside to listen to a guided meditation that focuses awareness on subtle sexual sensations throughout the body.
Debunk the myth that planning sex is unsexy; instead, view planning as an opportunity for anticipation and fantasy, recognizing that valuable activities in life are often planned.
Gauge the quality of your sex life by ‘how you feel’ rather than adhering to external standards of frequency, prioritizing full-bodied, attentive, and mindful encounters.
If experiencing discrepant desire with a partner, address it from a couple’s perspective, potentially through planning, scheduling, and exploring diverse forms of sexual intimacy beyond traditional intercourse.
Embrace pleasure (sexual and sensual) as a form of self-care and a ‘radical act’ to replenish yourself, fostering resilience and enabling you to contribute positively to the world.
Advocate for and ensure developmentally appropriate sex education that gives all genders permission to know their own bodies and use correct anatomical names, fostering body autonomy and safety.
Approach the idea of bringing mindfulness into sex with healthy skepticism, but be willing to ‘give it a try’ through self-touch or with a partner, observing what happens with an open mind.
If struggling with sexual concerns, consider joining online mindfulness groups to connect with others, feel validated, and deepen your mindfulness practice.
Tune in to your emotions rather than tuning out or distracting, as it’s more beneficial for coping and reconnecting with emotions.
Explore Dr. Lori Brotto’s resources, including her book ‘Better Sex Through Mindfulness,’ the upcoming workbook, the Netflix series ‘The Principles of Pleasure,’ and her research website (bradolab.com) for further learning and opportunities.
Check out Sabine Selassie’s newsletter for insights on opening to sexual/sensual desire as a step in awakening.