Engage in self-compassion, which scientists define as self-love, to become more effective in reaching your goals and foster better relationships with others.
Instead of merciless, incessant self-criticism, which leads to brief performance spikes and crashes, cultivate self-compassion as the most efficient and effective way to achieve sustained effort, stick to goals, and make lasting change.
Understand that love, including self-love and love for others, is not a fixed trait but a trainable skill, and actively work to develop this family of skills.
When you make mistakes or face difficulties, practice self-compassion by treating yourself with tenderness and care, acknowledging your vulnerability, and remembering that imperfection is a universal human experience, which helps you recover and become more resilient.
Reframe your understanding of love as an internal ability rather than just a feeling or a commodity dependent on others, recognizing that it resides within you and is yours to cultivate.
If you desire love or positive consideration in a conversation or environment, take personal responsibility to be the one who brings it, as it is an ability you possess.
Engage in loving kindness meditation, which the Buddha taught as the primary antidote to fear, to energetically counter withdrawal and foster openness.
When feeling anxious or overwhelmed, engage in acts of helping others, as this form of love can shift your focus away from internal worries and provide relief.
Engage in acts of generosity, as even fleeting acts can bring a sense of wholeness and connection, leaving you feeling enriched rather than diminished.
Practice loving kindness meditation to suffuse your mind with warmth, allowing you to see difficult emotions like anger or acquisitiveness as ancient protective programs, which can lead to greater self-acceptance and less judgment of others.
Allow yourself to admit and be present with pain or difficult feelings without making them worse by adding self-hatred, shame, or guilt.
Apply loving kindness as an antidote to fear in your relationships, considering if less fear would enhance your interactions, especially with those who challenge you.
While it’s not true that you must perfectly love yourself before loving others, cultivating an inner sense of ‘okayness’ about yourself is helpful and can make you even better at loving other people.
Cultivate intentionality, rather than force or coercion, to actively notice and appreciate what is good in your environment and what you have to be grateful for.
Recognize the breathtaking potential for kindness, intelligence, connection, and caring within human beings and strive to live a life that embodies these qualities beyond mere mediocrity.
When observing consistently antisocial or unhelpful behavior, reframe your perspective from ‘good and evil’ to ‘healthy or unhealthy’ to better understand the actions without condemning the person.
Recognize and trust your inherent potential for growth, change, wisdom, and love, understanding that this unrealized capacity is a birthright that exists within you regardless of your current state.
Cultivate love by engaging in clear seeing and listening, letting go of assumptions about others, and being fully present to discover their surprising reality, which fosters a profound sense of connection.
Actively work to reclaim and broaden your understanding of the word ’love’ beyond its common, sometimes superficial, associations to encompass a wider range of positive human capacities and connections.
When experiencing self-judgment or embarrassment, remember that you are not alone in your human frailties and mistakes, as this understanding is a meaningful aspect of self-compassion.
Adopt the perspective that everyone, including yourself, is doing the best they can given their current level of knowledge and understanding, as this can foster compassion and reduce judgment.
To calm your nervous system and reduce anxiety, intentionally make your out-breath longer than your in-breath, a technique that can lower blood pressure and ease panic.
Apply the ‘who cares?’ mindset in a healthy, non-nihilistic way to detach from conventional standards and external validation, focusing instead on whether you honored your inner compulsion and were truly present.
When creating or evaluating work, consider its beauty not just by external standards, but by whether the process fostered greater enlightenment, wisdom, or compassion in the creator.