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Mary Karr, Best-Selling Poet and Master Memoirist

Feb 1, 2017 1h 1m 17 insights
Mary Karr has shared many dark pieces of her past in her memoirs, from a painful childhood, to a long struggle with alcoholism and depression, to living her entire life as an agnostic before becoming a Roman Catholic. It was when she said she found herself "sober in a mental institution" that she first began to pray and meditate, both of which are practices she continues today to stay centered.
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Meditation & Prayer

Begin a practice of non-religious centering meditation (e.g., counting breaths 1-10) and rote prayer, even without theological belief, as a foundational step for mental well-being and sobriety, especially when previous approaches have failed.

2. Cultivate a ‘Noticer Self’

Develop an inner ’noticer self’ to observe your thoughts and emotions, particularly fear, anger, or loss of control, without identifying with them. This allows for a healthier response to challenging situations rather than being consumed by them.

3. Make Decisions from Quietness

When faced with decisions, especially if your mind is noisy or fearful, postpone the decision until a sense of quietness emerges. Acting from this calm state, rather than fear, can lead to better outcomes and improve your life.

4. Meditate for Proven Benefits

Engage in meditation practice regardless of your spiritual beliefs, as scientific evidence shows it improves mood, immune system, stress levels, blood pressure, and cognitive function. It works whether you attribute the clearing to spiritual healing or psychological processes.

5. Don’t Attach to Meditation Outcomes

Approach meditation without attachment to how your practice ‘should’ be, understanding that healing or clearing can occur even when you don’t perceive immediate clarity or success. It’s a gradual process, like sediment clearing or a boil draining.

6. Address Self-Criticism Softly

When self-correcting or criticizing yourself, avoid aggression, as it increases mental noise and attachment to performance. Instead, make soft mental notes (e.g., ‘judging,’ ‘anger’) to detach from the critical process.

7. Practice Daily Gratitude

Create a daily gratitude list, going through the alphabet to identify things you are thankful for, even if initially done by rote. This practice helps shift your perspective and recognize existing blessings.

8. Seek Community for Practice

Actively engage with a community of like-minded individuals who share a commitment to spiritual practice. Discussing experiences and challenges with others provides significant support and insight, helping you navigate potential ‘cul-de-sacs’ in your journey.

9. Adopt a Daily Spiritual Practice

Implement a daily routine that includes 20-30 minutes of morning centering prayer (following your breath), an ‘Examine of Conscience’ to savor positive moments and seek forgiveness for negative ones from the past 24 hours, and evening prayers for others who are sick or struggling.

10. Use ‘Not Wanting’ Mantra

During meditation, occasionally introduce the mantra or saying ’not wanting’ to reveal and observe subtle desires for your current experience to be different. This technique helps to disarm attachments and foster acceptance.

11. Pray for Specific Wants

Instead of only praying to ‘get through the day,’ articulate specific desires or needs in your prayers. This focused intention can lead to unexpected positive outcomes, as experienced by praying for increased income.

12. Use Rote Prayer as Affirmation

If you are skeptical, begin prayer by simply repeating positive sentences or affirmations by rote, without needing to believe in a higher power. This practice can still cultivate a more peaceful mindset and positive outlook.

13. Start Writing to Generate Content

Begin any writing project by simply ‘vomiting up whatever you got’ onto the page, without overthinking. Nothing can be shaped or refined until initial content has been generated and put down.

14. Expect Extensive Editing

Be prepared to discard a significant amount of ‘finished pages’ during the writing and editing process, as this is a normal part of refining a manuscript. For example, 1,200 finished pages were discarded for one memoir.

15. Write Memoir Sequel Context

When writing a memoir sequel, dedicate 3-5 pages to summarize necessary background information from previous books. This allows new readers to understand the narrative without having read the earlier works, making the sequel standalone.

16. Find Memoir’s Organizing Principle

Identify an ‘inner enemy’ or central conflict within yourself to serve as the organizing principle for your memoir. Structure the narrative around this struggle to give your book a cohesive and compelling framework.

17. Promote Your Podcast

If you host a podcast, encourage listeners to subscribe, rate the show, and tell friends about it. This helps grow the audience and reach more people.