Embrace your current self and struggles without judgment, as being more “real” about your difficulties makes any self-improvement or spiritual practice more effective and useful.
For mental well-being, utilize a range of modalities including medication, psychotherapy, sufficient sleep, regular exercise, positive relationships, meaningful work, and a healthy diet, rather than relying on a single solution.
Practice “right speech” by being mindful of how you talk to yourself, avoiding constant self-criticism or putting down others in your mind, because your internal dialogue significantly impacts your well-being.
Broaden your mindfulness to observe the ego’s habitual machinations and self-criticism, focusing on the underlying feeling tone to allow clinging to dissolve.
Practice mindfulness by investigating the “self” that is telling and receiving internal stories, trying to “really find” where this self resides in your direct experience to understand its nature.
Understand that the ego’s constant striving to be “bigger, better, stronger” often leads to feelings of unworthiness and insufficiency, relentlessly undermining our sense of self.
Recognize that while the ego is a necessary executive function for regulating experience and mediating inner and outer demands, it is not your entire identity, and mistaking yourself as the ego leads to problems.
Instead of trying to eliminate the ego, aim to change your relationship with it, allowing it to serve you rather than dominating your experience, or take “little vacations” from its constant control.
Engage in activities like sleep, sex, listening to music, or immersive experiences where you can safely “let go” and allow your ego to step down, fostering a sense of expansion and reduced self-boundaries.
Approach meditation as a form of “play” by giving yourself unstructured time to let your mind unfurl, which helps reduce clinging to the ego by fostering a state of “unintegration” similar to a child’s safe play.
When self-critical thoughts arise, recognize that this is your ego speaking, and by observing the ego itself, you can momentarily detach from its control and take a “vacation” from its influence.
Practice discerning between the unchanging “feeling of who you’ve always been” (your core consciousness) and the egoic feelings of self-criticism, shame, or grievance, to clarify which is which.
Recognize that unhealthy aspects of the “self” or ego often run our behavior, and to change or “unmake” these patterns, you must first see them clearly through self-examination.
Use doubt in a positive way by becoming less certain that you must constantly question your actions or performance, thereby reducing the grip of chronic self-criticism.
When experiencing mental hindrances like doubt (e.g., “Am I doing this right?”), mentally label them (e.g., “doubt”) to disengage from the narrative and allow the thought to dissolve.
For thoughts with strong emotional or egoic attachment, pay particular attention to the “feeling tone” of why it “really matters” to you, holding that sensation in awareness without indulging the narrative.
Recognize that mindfulness is an introductory practice for self-examination, and relying on it as a complete solution without deeper psychological work (like psychotherapy) may “shortchange” your personal growth.
If you are a therapist, ensure your training includes traditional psychodynamic psychotherapy alongside mindfulness-based approaches to effectively address intense interpersonal situations and deeper psychological disturbances in patients.
If you have extensive meditative experience but still struggle with personal issues, consider seeking therapy to address underlying discomfort or misunderstandings of spiritual paths, as relying solely on spirituality can sometimes be a defensive “spiritual bypass.”
Do not treat mindfulness as a “magic bullet” that will fix everything, as this expectation can lead to disappointment and frustration when it inevitably cannot solve all problems.
Understand that emotional suffering, including depression, anxiety, addiction, and interpersonal issues, is universal and affects even highly accomplished meditation teachers; therefore, embrace your struggles as part of being human.
To prepare for the dying process or for deep self-exploration, learn to relax your mind into the consistent, invisible feeling of “who you’ve always been,” as this core sense of self is believed to persist even as the body and conventional identity fall away.
If you wake up anxious in the middle of the night, use that time to sit up and practice a short meditation, as it can be an effective way to manage anxiety.
As a therapist (or for self-observation), identify moments of “clinging” as they occur, because clearly seeing this attachment can lead to its spontaneous liberation.
Begin meditation by settling into a comfortable sitting position, ensuring your back is relatively straight and feeling all the points where your body is supported by the ground or chair.
Parallel to physical posture, allow your mind to rest within your body, relaxing your forehead and shoulders, and opening your “ear doors” to cultivate a receptive, listening awareness.
In meditation, open your “ear doors” to listen to all ambient sounds without distinction, allowing both sounds and silences to pass through your awareness without judgment or attachment.
When thoughts arise during meditation, observe them with the same curiosity and non-attachment as you would sounds, neither pushing them away nor clinging to them.
After observing the feeling tone of egoic thoughts, gently shift your attention back to ambient sounds or the physical sensations of your body in its supported posture.
To advance your meditation practice, especially if daily time is reduced, commit to attending a long meditation retreat every year, as scientific evidence and teacher experience suggest retreats are highly effective.
Since the optimal daily meditation duration is highly individual, experiment with different lengths of practice to discover what works best for your specific mind and life situation.
Approach your meditation practice with a lack of rigidity regarding specific routines, but maintain an overall commitment and ardor for the practice itself, as this flexibility is key to long-term engagement.
If a long daily meditation practice causes stress or disengagement in other areas of life, consider reducing the duration to improve availability and reduce overall stress.
If the pressure to complete a long daily meditation session negatively impacts its quality, reducing the duration can alleviate this stress and lead to a more beneficial practice.
Be aware that longer daily meditation sessions can significantly enhance concentration, and reducing this time may lead to a slight decrease in that ability.
Write one day a week about real experiences (office, life, retreat, thoughts, feelings) to accumulate material, which can be useful for creative projects like writing a book.
In therapeutic or supportive roles, focus on creating a safe space where individuals can express their experiences without fear of shame or embarrassment, fostering openness and healing.
When offering guidance, consider the individual’s current state and needs, taking cues from them rather than imposing a predetermined approach.
Whether as a therapist or in any advisory role, use your expertise and knowledge with caution and sensitivity, as being too aggressive or quick to diagnose can be insensitive or even hurtful to others.
As a therapist, avoid leading with your own advice, as patients often need time to understand their own issues, and the role is to create space for their self-discovery.
If seeking guidance, consider using meditation coaches available through apps like 10% Happier, as they are experienced, committed, and can provide personalized support and answer questions.
To find an in-person meditation teacher, attend various classes, engage in Q&A, and assess if you “click” with them, if they demonstrate expertise, and if their teaching style resonates with you.
When evaluating meditation teachers, look for those who take the practice and your well-being seriously but do not take themselves too seriously or exhibit a “guru complex.”
Be cautious when choosing a meditation teacher due to the existence of “bad” teachers; research them carefully and consider listening to resources like podcast episode 143 for guidance on evaluation.
When dealing with meditation teachers, especially those using a “DANA” (generosity) system, have a direct conversation about their typical rates and what you can afford, using benchmarks like therapy or workout costs.
If finding an in-person teacher is difficult, utilize meditation apps like 10% Happier, Headspace, or Sam Harris’ Waking Up course as valuable resources for practice and guidance.