When experiencing suffering or reactivity, use the RAIN acronym: Recognize what’s happening, Allow it to be present without resistance, Investigate it somatically (how it feels in the body), and Nurture yourself with kindness to soften resistance and find spaciousness.
To nurture yourself, especially if traditional self-compassion gestures don’t resonate, identify what naturally warms or softens you (e.g., a child, pet, nature). Imagine and sense that positive energy to widen your attention from self-criticism, practicing regularly to build new neural pathways for self-kindness.
When investigating during RAIN, focus 98% on how the experience manifests in your body (e.g., tightening in the chest, sensation in the throat, belly). You can skillfully use questions like ‘what am I believing?’ or ‘how is this expressing in my face/body?’ to direct attention to the somatic experience, or even sculpt the feeling with your body and face.
If you have a history of trauma, prioritize nurturing first for weeks or months to build stability, resilience, and safety (e.g., self-soothing, activating the parasympathetic nervous system) before engaging in somatic investigation, to avoid re-traumatization.
After completing the RAIN process, pause and rest in the shift that has occurred. Notice the qualities of spaciousness, openness, tenderness, or freedom to deepen your familiarity with your true identity beyond the egoic self.
Engage in RAIN with a partner to enhance accountability, create a safe and friendly container for practice, and bring insights into clearer awareness by verbally naming what’s happening. This can be done in person, on the phone, or online.
Intentionally practice mindful communication by being present in your body during conversations, truly listening to others without preconceived ideas, and speaking from a place of heart and presence. This builds tolerance for discomfort and fosters deeper connection.
Recognize the pervasive belief that ‘something is fundamentally wrong with me’ (the trance of unworthiness) and understand that being ‘down on yourself’ is a ‘second arrow’ of suffering. Directly contact the pain of self-blame with honest recognition to evoke tenderness and offer care, transcending self-dislike with kindness.
When someone acts in ways you dislike, instead of immediately judging or reacting with fight, flight, or freeze, ask yourself ‘where does it hurt?’ to shift your perspective to compassion and recognize their underlying suffering.
For panic attacks or intense fear, adopt an attitude of ‘bring it on, do your worst’ to turn the hunter (fear) into the hunted. This involves a willingness to fully experience the physical sensations of fear rather than resisting them, which can undo old conditioning.
Engage in powerful self-inquiry by asking, ‘If I were at the end of my life looking back, what would truly matter most?’ or ‘What would most matter today?’ to align your daily actions with your core aspirations and energize your path of growth.
Observe the natural ‘inflating’ feeling when praised and the ‘deflating’ feeling when criticized. Cultivate awareness to remain free and unattached to these external validations or rejections, viewing them as impersonal ‘worldly winds’ rather than personal reflections of your worth.
Instead of getting caught in metaphysical debates about your core nature (e.g., Buddha nature vs. original sin), focus on what feels better and more ‘at home’ – acting with generosity, kindness, creativity, or joy. Cultivate these positive states through intentional attention.
If you find certain practices (like loving kindness) feel ‘cheesy’ or uncomfortable, recognize that a willingness to engage with this discomfort is essential for freedom. Overcoming resistance to what feels unfamiliar or saccharine can unlock deeper levels of practice.
Practice mentally saying ‘we are friends’ to strangers or elements of nature (like a tree) to foster a deeper sense of interbeing and interconnectedness, opening yourself to a broader experience of affinity and love.