Learn to relate to life’s inevitable ups and downs (praise/blame, success/failure, joy/sorrow, gain/loss) as natural, like the wind or part of nature. This practice helps develop more equanimity in the face of life’s vicissitudes.
Accept that life is a “perpetual and machine,” full of constant contradictions and unrelated experiences happening at once. This mindset helps navigate the fundamental texture of adult life, where things often crowd in without discernible order.
Bear witness to life, honor what is noble, tend to what needs care, and recognize your inseparable connection to everything. Our brief time here means our job is to be temporary caretakers and stewards of one another, ideals, and the world itself.
Focus on the present moment, fully engaging with and noticing what is happening right now, such as ’eating the sandwich.’ This is because the present moment is all we truly have, despite the difficulty of not getting distracted by the past or future.
Allow loss to serve as an “external conscience,” reminding you to notice, cherish, and defend. Loss fundamentally reminds us that time with loved ones and the world is finite, urging us to make the most of our finite days.
Embrace moments of humbling by the universe from time to time. This is good for the soul, very healthy, and reminds us of our lack of control and the grand mystery of life, putting us in our place in the cosmic sense.
Say the deceased person’s name often, mention thinking of them for a specific reason, or share your own experiences of missing a loved one. This is a real gift to people who are grieving, offering comfort and solidarity.
In a relationship, learn how you and your partner operate during problems, recognizing their impulses (e.g., craving space vs. connection, logical solutions vs. sympathy). Be generous towards these differences, even if they vary from your own, to build a healthy and functional relationship.
In a committed relationship, recognize that most fights are not existential threats to the relationship. Lowering the perceived stakes removes the ‘fuel to burn up’ in conflicts, diminishing their severity and allowing for a more loving resolution.
When you need your partner’s undivided attention, simply say “pay attention to me.” This is a straightforward and useful way to communicate a common underlying need in relationships, helping to restore balance.
In situations where compromise is impossible (e.g., different strategies for a task), sometimes just yield and do it the other person’s way. This is very useful in a relationship because some things can’t be split, and it’s better to cede the point, especially when both partners are committed to each other’s happiness.
Appreciate and love cliches that remind you to enjoy the moment. There is no deeper and more useful truth than to fully experience and appreciate the present.
In hard moments, look beyond yourself, up and out at the rest of the world. This helps remember that life is rare, precious, and beautiful, and that others need you to be present and compassionate, which can also help heal yourself.
Allow yourself to sit with your pain, sadness, suffering, or even whining. It is important to indulge these feelings sometimes for emotional processing.
Engage with the natural world around you, observing streams, rivers, mountains, or even unexpected animals. The natural world can restore attentiveness and make you “sit up and look at this” incredible place we live.
Use the presence of children (or loved ones) as a reminder to pay attention. Their constant need for focus and the joy they provide can restore attentiveness and remind you of the pure, belovedness of humans around you.
Engage in running (or similar activities) to achieve a state of curious attentiveness where the world drops away. This is a beautiful and restorative feeling that helps you be purely “in the world and of the world,” sustaining attentiveness beyond the activity itself.