Use mindfulness to observe negative self-talk, then actively reprogram your inner dialogue with loving-kindness (metta) phrases like ‘May I accept myself just as I am’ to create new neural pathways and foster a sense of ‘all rightness’.
Cultivate kindness, gentleness, and compassion towards yourself first, as this self-care fuels your capacity to offer kindness to others and prevents burnout.
Actively choose to be curious about others rather than judgmental, giving them the benefit of the doubt and seeking to understand their experiences to foster connection and see their inherent goodness.
Become aware of the constant negative messages and stories your mind tells you, recognize the suffering they cause, and choose not to continue reinforcing them.
Regularly check in with yourself to notice when you are suffering, using this awareness as an alarm bell to prompt action and alleviate that suffering.
When you inevitably forget or fall off track with your practice, forgive yourself, be gentle and compassionate, and simply ‘begin again’ without self-reproach.
Recognize that your internal narrative is a story, and consciously choose to tell yourself a positive, helpful story rather than one that causes suffering.
Go beyond garden-variety kindness by engaging in acts that are inconvenient or require personal sacrifice, as this is a deeper form of generosity.
Do not enable harmful behavior in others; instead, practice ’true compassion’ by courageously and lovingly pointing out when their actions or situations are unhealthy or toxic.
Begin the practice of forgiveness by being gentler and kinder to yourself, forgiving daily self-judgments and accepting your imperfections and mistakes as part of being human.
If someone is too challenging, set boundaries by removing them from your immediate life, but still maintain the intention to wish them well from your heart.
Participate in uncomfortable but important conversations (e.g., DEI) by first ensuring you have the capacity and support (e.g., from your community) to re-engage after experiencing harm.
When someone causes harm, even unintentionally, respectfully confront them by stating the impact their action had on you and asking what they would do differently next time.
Shift away from deriving self-worth from constant productivity and busyness; instead, prioritize being present in your life and making time for important relationships.
Actively seek out and engage in activities that replenish your energy, such as spending time with loved ones, being alone, and connecting with nature.
Overcome the Western individualist tendency to be self-reliant by practicing vulnerability and receiving support from others, recognizing our social nature and need for connection.
Find a method that resonates with your learning style (e.g., kinesthetic, like walking and holding your heart) to make loving-kindness phrases deeply penetrate and feel authentic.
When faced with a difficult person or situation, pause to breathe and calm your nervous system before reacting.
Give difficult people the benefit of the doubt, create space in your heart, and extend compassion to yourself for any negative thoughts you may have about them.
View challenging situations and people as opportunities to practice and learn virtues like patience, kindness, compassion, and acceptance.
Secretly wish well-being to people you encounter in public (e.g., ‘May you be happy, may you be free from suffering’) to cultivate a field of kindness for yourself and others.
Pursue excellence in your endeavors, but do so without resorting to harsh self-criticism or beating yourself up, maintaining a gentler approach.
Adjust the openness of your heart and vulnerability based on the situation, rather than an all-or-nothing approach, to protect yourself while remaining connected.
Engage in acts of kindness and service because it feels good, freeing, and aligns with our natural wiring to connect and support others, creating a virtuous cycle.
Treat daily self-forgiveness (e.g., for missing deadlines, not meditating enough) as a training ground to cultivate the capacity to extend forgiveness to others.
Don’t hesitate to receive physical care, like a massage, from others, recognizing that we cannot do everything alone and receiving can be powerful.
Participate in the free 5-day Ted Lasso Challenge on the 10% Happier app (starting Sept 7th) to learn and practice kindness, beginning with self-kindness through bespoke meditations.
Watch the TV show ‘Ted Lasso’ for lessons on the utility of kindness and the disutility of perfectionism, as it offers many ’nuggets of goodness’.