Foster warmer connections with other people, as the Harvard study shows this leads to greater happiness, better health, and a longer lifespan.
Consciously invest in your relationships by identifying desired emotional, physical, or fun connections and actively working to cultivate them, as this is the best long-term investment in overall well-being.
View relationships as an ongoing well-being practice, making small, consistent choices daily and weekly to actively maintain connections with others, similar to physical fitness.
Make small choices to spend time with loved ones, even during productive work hours, as many people regret spending too much time at work and not enough with those they love.
When facing worries, especially about problematic relationships, talk to others (friends, relatives, or professionals) to gain perspective and avoid getting lost in your own thoughts.
When facing challenging situations, use the WISER model to slow down your reaction: Watch (collect data), Interpret (assess likely scenarios), Select (choose an option), Engage (act), and Reflect (learn from the outcome).
Engage in regular exercise, avoid smoking and substance abuse, and seek necessary healthcare to live longer and stay healthier, as these practices pay back in long-term well-being.
Avoid substituting external achievements for essential life satisfactions like warm connections, love, and giving to others, as relying solely on achievement can lead to feelings of emptiness.
Participate in service or volunteer work and invest in purposes beyond yourself, as this provides significant psychological and physiological benefits, leading to a longer, healthier life.
Engage in meditation to cultivate self-compassion, which in turn fosters greater compassion, generosity, and kindness towards others, and helps in giving people the benefit of the doubt.
Develop the capacity to accurately understand what someone else is feeling, as this facet of emotional intelligence can be learned and is useful in both personal and professional life.
Cultivate empathic accuracy by being curious and checking in with people about their feelings, asking them to elaborate if you’re puzzled by their behavior, to better read their signals.
Pay close attention to and ‘file away’ visual and verbal cues in others’ behavior to learn what they might be feeling, which helps in developing empathic accuracy.
Listen carefully to others, then briefly repeat the essence of their message in your own words to confirm understanding and fulfill their fundamental need to be seen and heard.
Cultivate genuine curiosity about other people to break free from self-absorption and your ‘skull-sized kingdom,’ which is energizing for both you and the other person.
For significant relationships, try to work through difficulties and conflicts rather than stepping away, as resolving problems can actually strengthen the bond.
Approach romantic relationships with reasonable expectations, understanding that conflicts will arise, no single partner can fulfill all needs, and the relationship will naturally change over time.
Recognize that both partners in an intimate relationship are constantly changing, and the goal should be to grow together rather than allowing those changes to lead to growing apart.
If a couple feels stuck in repetitive arguments, or if the foundation of goodwill is eroding, consider couples counseling to gain a third-party perspective and help get unstuck.
When experiencing difficulties with a partner, remember that feelings and situations are impermanent and will change, so allow time for things to ebb, flow, and shift.
When interacting with family members you feel you know completely, ask yourself ‘what’s here right now that I haven’t noticed before’ to foster curiosity and openness to how they’ve changed.
Foster ‘best friend’ relationships at work, as having someone to talk to about personal life leads to increased engagement, productivity, and job satisfaction.
Leaders can combat loneliness and boost productivity by setting an example and creating structures, like dedicated sharing time in meetings, to encourage employees to connect on a personal level.
Believe that it’s never too late to become happier and more socially engaged, as people can transform their lives and find new communities even in their 60s, 70s, or 80s.
Understand that approximately 40% of your happiness is within your control, which is a significant portion that allows for substantial personal influence and improvement.
When something upsetting happens, talk to a good listener (someone at home or on the phone) to help your body calm down and return to equilibrium, reducing chronic stress.
Pay attention to fleeting micro-interactions with people like baristas or strangers, as these small connections can energize you and increase your overall happiness.
Initiate conversations with strangers, even if you anticipate not enjoying it, because research shows that these interactions can lead to greater happiness than keeping to yourself.
When possible, buy time before responding to challenging situations by postponing your reaction, sleeping on it, or discussing it with someone else to set yourself up for success.
If experiencing loneliness and struggling to reach out, consider cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) or similar therapies designed to help overcome hurdles in being more interactive.
If you are lonely, seek to connect with others who are also feeling isolated by offering your help or skills, such as tutoring, to foster new connections.
Understand that helping others, even from a ‘wise selfish’ perspective, benefits you in return, as giving of yourself to others leads to positive reciprocation.
Dispel the fantasy of being happy all the time, as it’s not the truth of anyone’s life; acknowledge that everyone experiences periods of difficulty and suffering.
Understand that introverts don’t need many friends; instead, identify what is energizing versus draining for you socially, and cultivate the number of close relationships that genuinely provide well-being.
If you have an impulse to reach out to someone, act on it immediately by sending a note or message, as this small act of generosity can create positive ripples for both parties.