Actively cultivate self-compassion by holding your experience non-judgmentally (mindfulness), remembering universal imperfection (common humanity), and offering yourself warmth and kindness. This foundational practice helps alleviate suffering and fosters an unconditionally friendly attitude.
When struggling, pause and apply the ‘self-compassion break’ by first mindfully noticing your pain, then reminding yourself that suffering is part of common humanity, and finally offering yourself kindness and support. This helps you stay present and connected rather than abandoning yourself.
Consciously choose to cultivate an encouraging, supportive inner voice (like a kind coach) instead of a shaming, self-critical one. This approach fosters inner strength, motivation, and resilience, unlike harsh self-criticism which undermines efforts and causes negative consequences.
Place a warm hand on your body (e.g., heart, solar plexus, or where a difficult emotion is felt) in a way that feels supportive. This physiological action activates your care system, reduces stress hormones like cortisol, and promotes feelings of safety and connection.
Use the language and tone you would naturally use to support a close friend in a similar struggle as a template for your internal self-talk. This helps make self-compassion feel more authentic and comfortable, fostering an attitude of caring and warmth.
Shift your goal from achieving contingent self-esteem (based on success or comparison) to becoming a ‘compassionate mess.’ This involves accepting your inherent imperfection and flaws with an unconditionally friendly attitude, which is a more achievable and stable source of well-being.
Develop the ‘yang’ (fierce) side of self-compassion to protect yourself, set boundaries, and assert your needs from a place of ‘caring force.’ This allows you to act forcefully but without aggression or personal blame, ensuring your actions stem from pure care and kindness.
During meditation, instead of standard phrases, ask yourself ‘What do I need to hear right now?’ and use that personalized phrase as your mantra. This makes the practice more directly relevant and impactful to your current pain or needs.
Engage in a breath meditation where you breathe in compassion for yourself (especially when feeling overwhelmed or burnt out) and breathe out compassion for others. This practice fosters connection and helps validate your own pain while extending care outwards.
Write a self-compassionate letter to yourself for seven consecutive days. This simple act has been shown to reduce depression for three months and increase happiness for six months by fostering perspective-taking, common humanity, and self-kindness.
Develop the mindfulness skill of locating difficult emotions (e.g., anger, fear, sadness) in your body. This interoceptive awareness helps you understand your emotional experience more deeply and provides a target for physical self-compassion.
Pay attention to your internal tone of voice and physical posture, consciously cultivating warmth and relaxation towards yourself. This embodied approach activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting feelings of safety and calm.
During meditation, when your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your object of focus with kindness, treating it like a toddler who has innocently strayed. This transforms frustration into an opportunity for self-compassion.
Practice meditation to develop self-awareness, allowing you to notice powerful emotions arising in daily life (e.g., anger, annoyance) and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting blindly. This can reduce regrettable actions and improve relationships.
If you notice aversion arising (e.g., towards certain groups or media), bring mindfulness practice to it by observing your reactions and habitual avoidance. This helps you understand if it’s causing missed opportunities or unnecessary pain.
In relationships, use mindfulness to notice physical signals of annoyance or anger (e.g., chest rumbling, jaw clenching) before reacting. This enables a more constructive response, such as stepping away or changing the subject, reducing conflict.
Explore selfcompassion.org for free guided meditations, written exercises, research articles, and a self-compassion scale. Consider using the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook for a structured, accessible learning path to these practices.
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