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Karamo: How to Actually Do Self-Love (January, 2021)

Dec 22, 2021 37m 51s 20 insights
<p>With the approach of the new year (and perhaps New Year's resolutions) we've decided to replay a very popular episode, featuring one of the most prominent proselytizers for self-love, Karamo from <em>Queer Eye.</em></p> <p><br /></p> <p>Karamo was the first openly gay black man on reality TV when he appeared on MTV's <em>The Real World Philadelphia</em> back in 2004. When he left TV and found out he was a dad, he got custody of his son, adopted his son's half-brother and worked for a decade as a social worker before returning to the media world. He's now the culture expert on the blockbuster Netflix reboot of <em>Queer Eye</em>. Karamo also hosts his own podcast and is the author of a <a href="http://karamobook.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">memoir</a>, as well as a <a href="https://read.macmillan.com/mcpg/iamperfectlydesigned/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">children's book</a>, which he co-wrote with his son. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>In today's conversation, we talk about why, for Karamo, learning to love himself started with learning to love his first name; how he overcame negative messages inside his abusive childhood home; why men struggle so much with the concept of self-love; and the areas in his own life where he struggles the most to practice what he preaches. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Click <a href="http://www.tenpercent.com/gift" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a> to give a gift subscription of the Ten Percent Happier app. </p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/karamo-repost" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/karamo-repost</a></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Accept Yourself for Lasting Change

To make lasting change, first accept yourself and be cool with who you are, as this is a foundational step.

2. Work on Self with Affection

Approach self-improvement with affection and self-compassion, rather than aggression or self-criticism, to make it more sustainable and effective.

3. Replace Negative Self-Talk

Actively replace habitual negative self-dialogue with more positive self-talk to improve self-compassion and self-esteem.

4. Practice Daily Mirror Affirmations

Look in the mirror daily and practice saying good things about yourself, starting with one positive thing and gradually adding more, to build self-esteem and self-love.

5. Use Affirmations as a Barrier

When faced with external negativity, recall the positive affirmations you’ve practiced to create a mental barrier against those comments.

6. Prioritize Compassion, Lower Ego

Remind yourself daily to keep compassion up and ego down, ensuring self-love practices are for personal well-being, not for feeling superior.

7. Allow Yourself to Slow Down

Challenge the societal pressure to constantly be busy and allow yourself to slow down, take a breath, and focus on personal well-being without guilt.

8. Avoid Comparison to Others

Actively remove yourself from comparing your life or achievements to others, as comparison steals your joy and self-love.

9. Practice Self-Acceptance, Love What You Have

Consciously remove comparison to others, allowing yourself to love what you have and what you are doing, even while acknowledging a desire for improvement.

10. Set Emotional Goals, Not Resolutions

Instead of traditional New Year’s resolutions, set emotional goals like trusting yourself more or becoming more compassionate to yourself.

11. Avoid Self-Destructive Resolutions

Avoid making New Year’s resolutions that focus on changing yourself from a place of self-hate, as this can be self-destructive and lead to guilt.

12. Design Your Journey, Set Your Pace

Design your personal growth journey on your own terms and walk at your own pace, avoiding pressure from arbitrary timelines or feeling like a failure.

13. Goal Setting Anytime, With Support

Engage in goal setting at any time of the year, ensuring you prepare, make proper choices, and are willing to ask for help.

14. Embrace Vulnerability as Strength

Recognize that vulnerability is a strength, especially for men, challenging societal norms that discourage emotional expression.

15. Process Criticism Empathetically

When criticized, write down the criticism to honor and understand it, then write down actions taken to address it, aligning intentions with change.

16. Communicate Need for Support

Cultivate a small, trusted tribe and use the phrase “I need you to love me a little bit louder” to signal when you need extra support and affirmation.

17. Serve Others to Serve Self

Engage in service to others, as witnessing their joy and mood change can inadvertently uplift your own mood and rebuild your self-love.

18. Use “Perfectly Designed” Mantra

Use the mantra “you are perfectly designed” as a reminder of inherent worth, especially when feeling inadequate or comparing oneself to others.

19. Set Daily Phone Reminders

Utilize smartphone alarms to set daily reminders for practices like meditation, finding time for yourself, or practicing self-love.

20. Embrace a ‘Council Culture’

Advocate for and practice a ‘council culture’ instead of a ‘cancel culture,’ by bringing in and educating those with differing views rather than dismissing them.