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Karamo: How To Actually Do Self-Love

Jan 1, 2021 42m 7s 16 insights
New Year's Series Episode 3. We talk with Karamo about how to practice self-love--and why doing so is the opposite of selfish.   Karamo was the first out gay Black man on reality TV when he appeared on MTV's The Real World: Philadelphia in 2004. But then he left TV and found out he was a father. He got custody of his son, adopted his son's half-brother, and worked for a decade as a social worker before returning to the media world. He's now the Culture expert on Netflix's blockbuster reboot of Queer Eye. He also hosts his own podcast and is the author of a memoir as well as a children's book, which he co-wrote with his son.   In today's conversation, we talk about why, for Karamo, learning to love himself started with learning to love his first name; how he overcame negative messages inside his abusive childhood home; why men struggle so much with the concept of self-love; and the areas in his own life where he struggles the most to practice what he preaches.    How to join the New Year's Challenge: Join the New Year's Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. You should be prompted to join the Challenge after registering your account.   If you've already downloaded the app, just open it up or visit this link to join: https://10percenthappier.app.link/NewYearsChallenge21   Where to find Karamo Brown online:  Website: http://karamobook.com   Social Media: ·        Twitter: https://twitter.com/Karamo ·        Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/category/Personal-Blog/Karamo-Brown-Page-227323621184576/ ·        Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karamo ·        YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/Karamobrown ·        Podcast: https://luminary.link/PPiQNuwwicb Full Show Notes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/karamo-311
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Self-Love for Confidence

Actively work to find love for every piece of your identity, as this self-love will build confidence and enable you to set boundaries against external negativity.

2. Practice Daily Positive Self-Talk

To build self-esteem and self-love, look in the mirror daily and practice saying one positive thing about yourself, starting small and gradually adding more. This creates a barrier against negative external narratives.

3. Counter Negative Morning Self-Talk

Stop the habit of immediately saying negative things about yourself when you wake up and look in the mirror; instead, intentionally practice saying positive things to build self-esteem.

4. Maintain Compassion, Minimize Ego

To prevent self-love from becoming conceit, set daily reminders to ‘keep the compassion up, ego down,’ ensuring your self-affirmation is for personal protection and safety, not to feel superior to others.

5. Embrace Vulnerability as Strength

Challenge societal norms that discourage men from showing emotion; recognize that vulnerability is a strength and can lead to deeper self-love and confidence.

6. Prioritize Self-Reflection & Happiness

Counter the societal pressure to constantly be busy by slowing down and asking if your current activities, careers, or relationships truly make you happy and feed your soul.

7. Avoid Comparison to Protect Joy

Remove yourself from comparing your life, achievements, or relationships to others, as comparison steals your joy, self-love, and appreciation for your own capabilities.

8. Model Self-Love for Children

Be mindful of your own self-talk and self-love practices, as children mirror parental behavior, and your actions directly influence their self-perception and self-esteem.

9. Evaluate Intentions & Actions

When facing criticism, write down the criticism and then write down what you did to make real change; this process helps evaluate your intentions and actions, rebuilding self-esteem by aligning them.

10. Seek Support from Trusted Tribe

When feeling criticized or lacking confidence, reach out to a small, trusted group and ask them to ’love you a little bit louder,’ allowing their support to provide the emotional fuel needed to get through tough times.

11. Engage in Service to Boost Self-Love

Serve others and witness their joy, as this emotional contagion will inadvertently change your own mood, rebuild your self-love, and remind you of your own positive qualities.

12. Reject Self-Hate in Growth

Avoid making resolutions that stem from hating your current self or body; instead, fall in love with where you are now to appreciate every step of your growth journey.

13. Set Emotional Goals, Not Resolutions

Instead of traditional New Year’s resolutions, set emotional goals like trusting yourself more or becoming more compassionate, allowing for a flexible, self-loving journey of growth without pressure or guilt.

14. Use Meditation for Self-Understanding

Practice meditation to gain insight into your thought patterns, unexamined assumptions, and self-narratives, which is crucial for motivating yourself without resorting to shame.

15. Foster Accountability Through Shared Practice

Invite friends and family to join you in challenges like meditation, using mutual notifications to kindly keep each other accountable and supported in your practices.

16. Join Meditation Challenge for Self-Love

Participate in a structured meditation challenge, like the free 21-day program, to learn and practice self-love, self-compassion, and self-acceptance, building resilience for sustained healthy change.