← 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Jordan Harbinger, Networking and Relationship Development

Nov 7, 2018 1h 3m 20 insights
Actionable Insights

1. Drop Meditation Expectations

When meditating, release the desire or expectation to feel a certain way, such as calm or “in a groove.” This is crucial because desire is a classical hindrance to meditation, and the practice is about being with whatever is present to build resilience for life’s challenges.

2. Investigate Difficult Emotions

During meditation, when your mind is racing or you feel anger, shift into an investigative mode by noticing where the emotion manifests in your body and what thoughts accompany it. This practice helps you respond more skillfully when ambushed by difficult emotions in daily life, preventing regrettable actions.

3. Embrace Humor in Mindfulness

Integrate humor and lightheartedness into your mindfulness practice and teaching. This approach acknowledges the chaotic nature of the mind, grants permission to be flawed, and reframes distraction as a sign of success in meditation, making the practice more accessible and less intimidating.

4. Meditation is About Reps

Understand that meditation is a practice of repeatedly bringing your attention back to your focus (e.g., breath) whenever your mind strays, rather than trying to achieve a state of “no thought.” This reframes the practice as building mental strength through consistent effort, like lifting weights.

5. Measure Meditation by Inner Weather

Evaluate your meditation progress by observing if you are less irritable or unpleasant, both towards yourself and others. This “less of an A-hole” metric provides a tangible measure of how the practice improves your inner state and external interactions.

6. Set Environment for Habits

Configure your physical environment to make desired habits, like meditation, the easiest path to take. For example, place your meditation cushion where you’ll “trip over it” and choose a quiet space. This strategy minimizes excuses and reduces reliance on ephemeral willpower.

7. Power Through First Month

Commit to practicing any new habit, such as meditation, for a few minutes every day for one month. This initial consistent push is critical for establishing the habit, allowing you to experience the “dopamine of the benefits” that sustains long-term adherence.

8. Prioritize Small, Daily Meditation

Aim for consistent, short meditation sessions (e.g., a couple of minutes) daily rather than infrequent, longer ones. This daily consistency is more effective for building and maintaining a meditation habit than sporadic, intense efforts.

9. Reframe Missed Habits Language

When you miss a habit, consciously change your internal dialogue from “I don’t have time” to “I deprioritized it.” This linguistic shift fosters accountability and makes it harder to rationalize neglecting important practices.

10. Focus on Practical Learning

Seek out and prioritize educational content that offers practical, implementable strategies and tools. This approach ensures that learning translates into tangible “1% better” changes that compound over time, leading to significant personal transformation.

11. Create Worksheets for Application

Actively create or utilize worksheets for educational content to capture and apply practical takeaways immediately after learning. This method bridges the gap between passive consumption and active implementation, ensuring knowledge leads to behavioral change.

12. Be Open About Struggles

When in a leadership or teaching role, share your personal struggles, mistakes, and moments of “falling off the wagon” transparently. This humanizes you, builds deeper connection with your audience, and reassures them that it’s normal to struggle, fostering a supportive environment.

13. Lead with Value in Networking

Approach networking by focusing on offering value to others, such as connecting people in your network, without immediately expecting something in return. This builds genuine relationships and avoids the “always be closing” mindset, which can be counterproductive.

14. Avoid Keeping Score

Refrain from mentally tracking favors or expecting immediate reciprocation when you help someone. Keeping score creates “covert contracts” that can poison relationships and lead to resentment if unstated expectations are not met.

15. Systemize Network Engagement

Establish small, consistent routines for staying in touch with people in your network, even those without obvious immediate value. This builds a robust network over time and generates unexpected opportunities, akin to playing a “karmic slot machine.”

16. Leverage “Instagram Time”

Use small, otherwise wasted moments, like waiting in line for coffee, to send quick, low-pressure text messages to people you haven’t connected with in a while. This efficiently maintains connections and avoids the perception of urgency or sales.

17. Reframe Networking Value

Broaden your definition of “value” in networking beyond direct personal gain to include the satisfaction of connecting others. This mindset shift makes you more enthusiastic about meeting diverse people, as you can always facilitate connections within your network.

18. Adopt “How Can I Help?”

Cultivate a constant internal mantra of “how can I help?” in your interactions. Being useful and helpful to others provides a natural “dopamine hit,” which can become an enjoyable and driving force in your life.

19. Use Pre-Sit Stretching & Breathing

Before meditating, engage in stretching and a few long, deep breaths. These physical actions can help induce a state of relaxation, which is beneficial for meditation without forcing a specific mental state.

20. Relax Physical Tension

Pay attention to your body during meditation and consciously relax any areas of tension, such as hunched shoulders or gripping hands. Releasing physical tightness can enhance your overall meditation experience.