Actively engage in self-care practices, such as using mantras (e.g., “My body is calm. My heart is kind. I am the boss of my brain and my mind”) to remind yourself that you can control your reactions and emotions, fortifying yourself against the wearing effects of conflict.
Instead of viewing conflict as “me versus them,” reframe it as “us versus the problem.” Imagine yourself and the other person on the same side, collaboratively problem-solving the issue at hand, which encourages a more cooperative exchange.
Approach conflict resolution as an experiment, trying out a “menu of tactics” (ranging from direct to indirect or influence-based), making notes on what works, and revising your approach based on observed outcomes, rather than expecting a single clean solution.
Actively foster positive, friendly, and congenial relationships at work, as research shows this leads to better performance, increased engagement, and higher productivity, making the perceived load lighter.
Recognize that avoidance is rarely a realistic or healthy tactic in interdependent work environments, as unresolved conflict can have ripple effects (“emotional shrapnel”) on teams and personal well-being, even if you think you’re “ignoring” it.
When sensing a threat, pause and practice mindfulness to notice physical reactions (e.g., sweaty palms), then question your assumptions by asking “What else could be true?” or “What if I’m wrong?” to prevent committing to negative narratives.
Engage in the exercise of trying to understand the other person’s perspective, even if you might be wrong, as this helps unhook you from your own self-told story about the conflict and reminds you your view isn’t 100% correct.
Counter the tendency to dehumanize people in power or those you find difficult by reminding yourself that everyone is a vulnerable human with insecurities, concerns, and faults, which can help relax internal tension.
Be cautious when labeling people as “difficult,” as this term is often used dismissively or informed by bias (e.g., against non-dominant cultures); instead, focus on specific behaviors that are challenging.
Cultivate self-awareness by reflecting on your own behaviors and how they might be contributing to or exacerbating conflict, even if you don’t immediately identify with “difficult” archetypes.
Proactively invite feedback and input from colleagues by ending sentences with engaging questions like “Does that make sense?” or “How do you see it?” to create a safer space for disagreement and avoid appearing arrogant.
To disarm an insecure boss, offer genuine compliments on something they are good at and align yourself with their goals, helping them achieve what they want to signal you are not a threat.
When interacting with an insecure boss, mentally imagine yourself as something non-threatening (e.g., a “cute, fluffy squirrel”) to subtly convey warmth and reduce tension in interactions, breaking cycles of threat and retaliation.
Before confronting an insecure boss, clarify your ultimate goal: is it to express your feelings, or to improve the relationship? Be realistic that directly standing up to them might worsen the situation.
Avoid polarizing arguments with pessimists by acknowledging their caution (“I see how you could think that,” “you’re raising an important risk”) before shifting the discussion to productive problem-solving questions like “How can we mitigate that?”
To counter a victim mentality, encourage agency by asking hypothetical questions like “If you were in charge, what would you do?” or “If no one else’s opinion mattered here, what would you say?”
If you have responsibility for them, directly state “I see this as your responsibility” and help them articulate their work goals, explaining how playing the victim hinders achieving those goals.
Focus on what a passive-aggressive person might be trying to convey but feels afraid to express; test your hunch by saying, “What I hear you saying, I think, is this. Am I getting that right?” to encourage directness.
Consider if your own behavior (e.g., disliking conflict, reacting poorly to disagreement) has made it unsafe for a passive-aggressive person to be direct; adjust your approach to “roll out the red carpet” for differing opinions.
Counter passive-aggressive behavior (e.g., not following through) by establishing clear team norms for accountability, such as reporting back within 24 hours if commitments cannot be met, making it a collective responsibility.
When dealing with a know-it-all, politely ask for facts or data to support their assertions, such as “What are you basing that assumption on?” or “Can you share any data that would support that?” to challenge their overconfidence.
When a know-it-all interrupts, assertively state “Could you hold any questions or thoughts till I’m done?” or simply “I’m speaking” to maintain control of the conversation.
If you are the target of mansplaining or other forms of bias, form allyships with colleagues who can speak up on your behalf (e.g., “Amy’s not done, I want to hear what she has to say”), as targets of bias are often given less credence when calling it out themselves.
Acknowledge the sacrifices or difficulties a “tormentor” may have experienced (e.g., “I can’t imagine it was easy for you”) to reduce their defensiveness, but also be prepared to set clear boundaries and limit interaction with them.
If tactics fail and you lack leverage, consider escalating the issue to higher-ups (HR or their boss), but carefully weigh the risks, such as whether it will make you look bad or if the recipient has the skills to address it.
If a situation is torturous, set emotional boundaries by allocating a specific, limited time each day (e.g., 15 minutes) to think about the difficult person and the pain they cause, then consciously put it away to focus on other things.
If a work situation becomes untenable, consider looking for another job, but be realistic that new environments may also present new “difficult people”; weigh pros and cons carefully.
If you’ve tried various tactics without success, set a time limit (e.g., three months) for specific changes to occur, and if those changes don’t materialize despite your best efforts, be prepared to explore other job opportunities.