← 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Jeff Warren, New Year, New You

Jan 2, 2019 1h 15m 30 insights
With the new year upon us, it's the perfect time to help you make those resolutions stick. This week Dan Harris and his "Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics" co-author, meditation instructor Jeff Warren, listen to and answer your questions about how to begin a meditation practice, make it stick, and many other queries which may arise during the course of your practice. Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail at 646-883-8326. The Plug Zone Website: http://jeffwarren.org/ Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics https://www.amazon.com/Meditation-Fidgety-Skeptics-Happier-How/dp/0399588949
Actionable Insights

1. Acknowledge Natural Habit Difficulty

Recognize that humans are not naturally wired for forming healthy habits, as evolution prioritized threat detection and pleasure over long-term well-being. This understanding helps manage expectations and approach habit formation with more realism.

2. Experiment, Embrace “Failure”

When establishing a habit, approach it with a spirit of experimentation and accept that you will “fail” or encounter things that don’t work. This attitude, like Thomas Edison’s, is essential for finding what truly sticks.

3. Design Habit-Supporting Environment

Create a structure or “container” in your life by identifying existing routines and integrating meditation into them, rather than relying solely on willpower. This “environmental design” makes the practice fit naturally into your schedule, reducing the need for conscious effort.

4. Leverage Pleasure, Not Willpower

Instead of relying on ephemeral willpower, which evaporates with fatigue or boredom, rely on the pleasure and benefits derived from meditation (e.g., increased focus, calmness, better sleep). Let these positive outcomes “drag you forward” and sustain the habit.

5. Embrace “Daily-ish” Meditation

Instead of aiming for perfect daily meditation, adopt a “daily-ish” approach, meaning you try to meditate most days. This lowers the barrier to entry and prevents self-criticism if you miss a day, making the habit more sustainable.

6. Start Small: One Minute

Lower your expectations about the commitment required for meditation, understanding that even one minute counts. This makes the practice eminently doable and significantly reduces the barrier to entry.

7. Simply Begin Again

If you fall off the meditation wagon, simply begin again without making it complicated or building a story of failure. Your past practice is still “in your nervous system,” so just return to it in a simple way.

8. Practice with Community

Engage in meditation with others, even just one or two friends, to create accountability and momentum. Being part of a group or even starting your own can deepen your practice and foster a more present, centered state.

9. Manage Expectations, Be Open

Approach meditation with the simple appreciation for just sitting, without needing anything specific to happen or feeling a certain way. The fundamental training is to be open and accepting of whatever arises in your experience, whether it’s distraction, discomfort, or pleasure.

10. Find Pleasure in Meditation

Recognize that the act of meditation itself can be a source of enjoyment and pleasure, not just a means to an end for its benefits. This intrinsic enjoyment can become a powerful feedback loop for long-term practice.

11. Appreciate Your Beingness

Cultivate an appreciation for the simple fact of your existence and being alive, recognizing that this is a powerful and fundamental insight accessible to everyone. This “ultimate low barrier to entry” can be a profound aspect of your meditation practice.

12. Find “Right Effort” in Meditation

Cultivate “right effort” in meditation, which is a smooth, balanced, and careful effort, rather than a strivey or willful one. Experiment to find the sweet spot between being too vigilant and too lazy, as this varies for individuals and moments.

13. Diversify Meditation Practices

Recognize that different types of meditation serve different purposes; some focus on mindful awareness of discomfort, while others, like loving-kindness or concentration practices, offer a “gift” of simplicity and enjoyment. Choose practices that align with your current needs, whether it’s facing difficult emotions or seeking peaceful convergence.

14. Cultivate Inner Friendliness

Develop an inner attitude of friendliness and equanimity towards whatever arises in your experience, even aspects you dislike about yourself. Acknowledge these internal states with acceptance, which can transform your relationship with yourself and others.

15. Tough Sits Build Strength

View “tough” or turbulent meditation sessions as opportunities for growth, similar to a challenging workout. These experiences train you to deal with life’s difficulties more calmly, reducing reactivity to emotions off the cushion.

16. “Hold the Direction” Off-Cushion

After meditation, “hold the direction” by actively looking for the centered, sane quality in everyday situations. Develop personal cues to reorient to fundamental simplicity, space, or peace, recognizing that these qualities are subtly present all the time.

17. Value Simple Daily Pleasures

Actively seek out and appreciate the simple, subtle pleasures available in everyday life, such as sunlight, a smile, or a kind act. Taking an extra moment to notice and savor these experiences helps counteract negativity bias and connects you to a deeper sense of presence.

18. Attach New Habits to Existing

Review your daily schedule to identify existing habits with behavioral momentum (e.g., brushing teeth, exercising) and “draft off” them by adding a minute or two of meditation immediately before or after. This leverages established routines to make new habits stick.

19. Meditation: Best Time is When You Do It

Choose a time of day to meditate when you are most likely to actually do it, rather than forcing it into a “magic” time like mornings if you’re not a morning person. The best time is simply when the practice will stick.

20. Just Put Your Body There

If you’re struggling or don’t feel like meditating, simply put your body on the cushion or in the meditation posture. There’s power in physically starting, even if you only stay for 30 seconds.

21. Establish Pre-Meditation Rituals

Before meditating, create a transition ritual by engaging in deliberate physical actions like lighting a candle, arranging your cushion, or doing light movement (e.g., stretching, yoga, a short run). This helps dissipate energy and signals to your body and mind that you’re entering a different space.

22. Physical Activity for Calm

If sitting meditation feels too challenging or overwhelming, engage in physical activities like slacklining, rock climbing, running, or qigong, bringing full attention to your body. This can provide a sense of peacefulness and focus, serving as an alternative path to calm.

23. Observe Thoughts with Bemusement

When your mind is churning with thoughts, observe them with a sense of bemusement and acceptance, rather than fighting them. This detached, friendly observation allows thoughts to play out and eventually slow down.

24. Signal Meditation with Breaths

Begin your meditation by taking a couple of deep breaths, as this sends a clear message to your parasympathetic nervous system that it’s “meditation time.” This simple act helps initiate a calmer state.

25. Practice Friendliness Meditation

Engage in loving-kindness or “friendliness” meditation to cultivate an inner atmosphere of warmth and acceptance towards yourself and your experiences. This practice can feel like a “great vacation” and is scalable to all aspects of your life and relationships.

26. Commit Attention to One Object

During meditation, decide to commit all your faculties to one thing, like feeling the breath or sounds, bringing everything into that single focus. This convergence allows the mind and body to relax, leading to a subtle pleasure and a “flow state” that reinforces the practice.

27. Appreciate Practice’s Simplicity

Cultivate an appreciation for the simplicity of meditation, recognizing that it doesn’t need to be complicated or a “big thing.” Just dropping in for a few minutes to do this one thing is all it needs to be.

28. Share Practice for Wisdom

Engage in community practice to “pool wisdom” by sharing experiences and insights with others. Hearing how others approach their practice can reveal subtle aspects and lead to breakthroughs in your own understanding and experience.

29. Utilize Challenges for Momentum

Sign up for unintimidating challenges (like meditating one minute for 15 out of 21 days) to create momentum and experience the benefits of practice. Once you taste the positive effects, you’re more likely to stick with it or return if you fall off.

30. Join 10% Happier Challenge

Sign up for the free 21-day meditation challenge at 10percenthappier.com/challenge starting January 7th, where you “win” by meditating for at least 15 of those days with daily hand-selected meditations. This helps boot up a practice with a low barrier to entry and structured support.