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Is It Possible To Improve Your Personality? The Science Says Yes. Here's How To Do It. | Olga Khazan

Jul 23, 2025 1h 7m 26 insights
<p dir="ltr">Plus other intriguing questions answered such as: should you change your personality? What exactly is a personality anyway?</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/author/olga-khazan/">Olga Khazan is a staff writer for The Atlantic</a>. Her new book is called <a href="https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Me-But-Better/Olga-Khazan/9781668012543"> Me, But Better</a>. </p> <p dir="ltr">In this episode we talk about:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr">The definition of personality </li> <li dir="ltr">The so-called big 5 aspects of personality and Olga's attempts to work on them</li> <li dir="ltr">How to spice up your social life </li> <li dir="ltr">The concept of conscientiousness, and how to get better at it</li> <li dir="ltr">An antidote to procrastination </li> <li dir="ltr">Tips for reducing neuroticism </li> <li dir="ltr">The role of psychedelics </li> <li dir="ltr">Practical ways to make reasonable changes in the midst of a busy life<strong><br /></strong></li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">Join Dan's online community <a href="http://www.danharris.com">here</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Follow Dan on social: <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5">Instagram</a>, <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J">TikTok</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Subscribe to our <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD">YouTube Channel</a></p> <p><strong id="docs-internal-guid-0485647a-7fff-41d9-cd0c-d578705a2d95"><br /> To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit <a href="https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris">https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris</a></strong></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Prioritize Social Connection

Actively seek and maintain human connection in your life, regardless of whether you identify as an introvert or extrovert, as it is crucial for overall happiness and well-being and can reduce anxiety and depression.

2. Practice Mindfulness Consistently

Engage in mindfulness practices, such as meditation (even for a few minutes daily), to reduce neuroticism, anxiety, and depression, as it is shown to be highly effective.

3. Accept Life’s Uncertainty

Recognize and accept that there is inherent uncertainty in life, and that you cannot take responsibility for every single outcome, which helps to reduce self-blame and anger.

4. Channel Anxiety into Action

When feeling anxious, make a to-do list of everything you’re worried about and what you can do to address it, then consciously set it aside to prevent dwelling and promote sleep.

5. Set Clear Boundaries

Communicate your needs and limits clearly and kindly in relationships to maintain agreeableness without becoming a pushover, preventing passive aggression and fostering healthier interactions.

6. View Personality as a Tool

Understand that personality is not just who you are, but a tool that can be shaped to help you achieve your goals and enhance your life.

7. Embrace Malleability of Traits

Recognize that even if you have a genetic predisposition towards certain traits, they are not fixed, and you have agency to influence and change them.

8. Commit to Recurring Social Activities

Sign up for groups, clubs, or activities that meet regularly with the same people and are difficult to back out of, to consistently build and deepen social connections.

9. Be Intentional in Social Planning

Proactively and intentionally set up social gatherings, even if it feels like a pain, to ensure you get enough social interaction in a busy world.

10. Engage Socially by Listening

If you’re an introvert with a quickly draining social battery, attend social events and listen more than you talk, as this still counts as a valuable form of social engagement.

11. Overcome Reciprocity Hang-ups

Don’t let perceived lack of reciprocity (e.g., always being the first to reach out) prevent you from initiating social contact, as many good friendships thrive this way.

12. Practice Most Generous Interpretation

When someone frustrates you or you question their motives, run the thought experiment of what the most generous interpretation of their actions might be, to foster understanding and reduce negative judgment.

13. Cultivate Compassion for Disagreement

Strive to understand and have compassion for those with differing views, even if you strongly disagree with their actions, without excusing harmful behavior or foregoing consequences.

14. Take Calculated Risks in Vulnerability

Occasionally take a risk to share something revelatory about yourself with others, as this can deepen relationships and build trust.

15. Implement Basic Organizational Tools

To boost conscientiousness, consistently use tools like Google Calendar, to-do lists, and establish routines such as leaving early or putting keys in the same spot.

16. Use Episodic Future Thinking

Visualize the specific positive outcome you desire (or negative outcome you want to avoid) for a task, including sensory details, to motivate yourself through tedious work and combat procrastination.

17. Engage in Micro-interactions

Initiate small conversations with people you encounter in your daily routine, such as baristas or librarians, as these brief interactions can measurably improve your well-being.

18. Use Statements for Small Talk

When initiating small talk, make a remark about something happening around you or to you that day, rather than asking a direct question, as it can be a more effective opener.

19. Seek Deep, Vulnerable Conversations

Prioritize and seek out people who are open to deep, unfiltered conversations over superficial small talk, to foster more meaningful and authentic connections.

20. Cultivate Diverse Friendships

Befriend people who are different from you (e.g., more agreeable or thoughtful), as they can teach you new perspectives and help you grow in areas you might not naturally consider.

21. Embrace Challenging, Playful Activities

Sign up for activities that push your comfort zone and involve an element of play or creativity, even if they initially feel like torture, as they can lead to personal growth and unexpected joy.

22. Start with Personality Assessment

Begin your personality change journey by taking a Big Five personality test (e.g., on personalityassessor.com) or by reflecting on areas in your life where you feel an upgrade is needed.

23. Focus on Manageable, Consistent Changes

Implement personality changes through small, manageable activities (e.g., gratitude journaling, short exercises, saying hello to someone) and prioritize doing them consistently over a long period.

24. Develop Personal Mantras

Create and use short, guiding phrases or mantras to recall during negative thought spirals, helping you to reframe situations and manage self-blame.

25. Integrate Mindful Parenting Moments

Utilize time spent with your baby or child, especially when not on your phone, as an opportunity for genuine present-moment awareness, observing them and your sensations as a form of meditation.

26. Explore Psychedelics (Controlled)

For increasing openness, studies suggest psychedelics can be effective; however, this should only be considered in a controlled, medically supervised environment with professional guidance.