<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><em>---</em></p> <p>How optimizing this skill can change your life – and the world.</p> <p><a href="https://ikar.org/rabbi-sharon-brous/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Rabbi Sharon Brous</a> has some extremely practical tips for how to improve what psychologists call your social health. She is the senior and founding rabbi of <a href="https://ikar.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">IKAR</a>, a Jewish community in LA. Her new book, a bestseller, is called <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/720048/the-amen-effect-by-sharon-brous/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Amen Effect: Ancient Wisdom to Heal Our Hearts and Mend Our Broken World</a>.</p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <ul> <li><a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/drbruceperry" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>This Neurobiologist Wants You To Ask One Question To Reframe Anxiety, Depression, And Trauma | Dr. Bruce Perry (Co-Interviewed by Dan's Wife, Bianca!)</strong></a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's newsletter</strong> <a href="http://www.danharris.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/rabbi-sharon-brous-852" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/rabbi-sharon-brous-852</a></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights
1. Optimize Your Relationships
Recognize that the quality of your relationships is the most important variable for your health, happiness, and success, and actively work on developing it as a learnable skill.
2. Default to Engagement
Actively cultivate a mindset where your default response is to engage with others rather than retreat, especially when internal resistance or discomfort arises.
3. Be Present, Don’t Fix
Shift your mindset from trying to ‘fix’ or ‘repair’ others’ pain to simply being present with their brokenness and sitting with them in their suffering, understanding that your presence is the point.
4. Ask ‘What Happened To You?’
When encountering someone suffering or expressing difficult ideas, stop, look them in the eyes, and ask ‘What happened to you?’ or ‘Tell me about your heart’ to understand their underlying drivers.
5. Rehumanize, Don’t Monsterize
When engaging with people whose ideas you find dangerous or harmful, choose to see them as human beings with potentially ill-conceived ideas rooted in their trauma, rather than monsterizing or demonizing them.
6. Show Up For Grief
When someone you know experiences a loss, actively counter self-sabotaging thoughts and make the effort to show up (e.g., attend a funeral, visit a house of mourning, make a phone call).
7. Allow Yourself to Receive Care
Recognize that you cannot always be the caregiver; allow yourself to be vulnerable and let others hold you and provide support when you are suffering.
8. Schedule Daily Joy Breaks
Set an alarm for a specific duration (e.g., 18 minutes) each day and intentionally engage in an activity that brings you joy, even during times of grief, as joy is a spiritual necessity.
9. Offer Blessings In Pain
When engaging with someone in pain, offer a simple blessing or words of support, acknowledging their dark chapter and wishing them love and strength.
10. Introduce Yourself to Neighbors
Regularly walk or run in your neighborhood and make an effort to introduce yourself to people you see, to build a sense of community and mutual support.
11. Affirm Others’ Experiences
When someone expresses grief or joy, affirm their experience by saying ‘Amen’ (or a similar expression of belief/seeing them), showing you believe and see them in their joy and pain.
12. Ask About Lost Loved Ones
When someone experiences a profound loss, ask them to talk about the person they lost, helping them hold the memory of who they were.
Seek out or create groups where you can engage in vulnerable, ‘real’ conversations with others, even if it’s initially done with some humor or a specific ’entry point.’