To improve the quality of your mind and life, utilize a pantheon of evidence-based practices including sufficient sleep, regular exercise (avoiding orthorexia), healthy eating, spending time in nature, appreciating beauty, using medication if needed, practicing meditation, engaging in meaningful work, and critically, cultivating high-quality relationships through communication skills and self-talk.
Recognize that love is a powerful force to be cultivated internally as a deliberate practice and action, rather than expected from the external world, embracing its gritty, challenging aspects over a cartoonish or comfortable version.
Be aware of the “splitting state of mind” where you categorize everything as purely good or bad, often retreating into it when threatened; work to move beyond this primitive, toxic mind space to tolerate complexity and nuance in yourself and others.
When encountering people with opposing views, cultivate empathy by reminding yourself, “just like me, they want to be happy; just like me, they’re doing what they think is right,” to move beyond a splitting mindset and enable more nuanced understanding and wise action.
When you feel strong certainty or judgment, especially regarding complex issues or individuals, ask yourself, “Am I sure?” to challenge your assumptions and open your mind to alternative perspectives, fostering a “holy befuddlement.”
When something external troubles you greatly, especially in relationships, ask yourself, “Why is this bothering me so much?” or “What’s going on with me?” to take back your projection and understand your own internal problem rather than solely blaming the external trigger.
In troubled relationships, challenge your ingrained “stories” about your partner by approaching them with less certainty and more curiosity, actively wiping the slate clean to listen afresh and discern what they are actually saying and what truly matters to them.
Develop tools to understand and modulate your own reactivity by examining your personal history and observing how current events trigger you, allowing you to keep a clear mind and make conscious choices rather than passively falling under the spell of what’s happening.
Choose compassion as your fuel for action, even when dealing with difficult situations or people, because hatred and rage lead to poor decisions and toxic mind states, whereas compassion can lead to “wise action” and does not preclude firm responses.
Approach new information and experiences with a “don’t know mind” or “beginner’s mind,” and verify teachings for yourself in the “laboratory of your own mind” rather than accepting them at face value, as advocated by the Buddha.
When you feel a strong sense of certainty, especially in chaotic or scary times, pause and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling so certain right now?” or “Is this certainty making me feel safer?” to notice if you’re grabbing onto it defensively.
When consuming news, carefully observe your mind to notice if you’re grabbing onto certainties due to anxiety, or if the content is twisting you into states of rage or vengeance, rather than evoking understanding and curiosity.
To avoid manipulation and challenge your certainties, consume news from multiple outlets, including those with different perspectives, even if you disagree with them, to understand how various groups shape reality and to check your own sense of what is true.
Cultivate a persistent curiosity about “what is the other side of this argument,” even listening to people you know you will disagree with, as this practice can reveal blind spots and lead to useful “befuddlement.”
While engaging with diverse perspectives and challenging your opinions, ensure you do not compromise your fundamental values, such as protecting the vulnerable, as the rhetoric of “splitting” can dangerously lead to forgetting these basic ethical principles.
In difficult conversations, especially with those on opposing sides, consciously create a “demilitarized zone” where you actively try to find commonalities and imagine yourself into the other’s experience before returning to debate specific issues, fostering understanding.
Invest time in collecting and getting interested in your family’s transgenerational history, as uncovering events or patterns from past generations can profoundly shape who you are and release you from unspoken influences or “hauntings.”
If you desire a deeper dive into yourself and more profound change, invest time and effort into psychoanalysis, which involves meeting with a therapist multiple times a week to understand unconscious forces and deeper patterns.
Engage in therapeutic processes with the intention of understanding your past not just for knowledge, but for liberation from being “owned” or “swamped” by it, allowing genuine relief and deep internal change rather than merely intellectual comprehension.
To find liberation, embrace uncomfortable truths such as mortality and finitude, as this approach, rooted in Buddhist tradition, helps in understanding what ultimately will destroy you.
To cultivate openness and love, read authors who induce “holy befuddlement” and a “constant state of reconsideration,” as this practice fosters empathy for diverse perspectives and challenges the certainties that can deaden lived experience.
Be wary of knowing “too well” how to do things or falling into the trap of dogmatism and over-optimization, as this can blind you to unpredictable internal and external factors, and may lead to reliance on external “next big things” rather than genuine understanding.