Focus on non-clinging as the ultimate goal of practice, rather than seeking specific experiences like ‘selflessness,’ which can become a subtle form of craving. The freedom of mind lies in not clinging to anything that arises.
Practice seeing thoughts as ’little more than nothing’ and ’empty of self,’ rather than taking them seriously or personally. This helps to reduce their power over you and prevents acting them out blindly.
To cultivate selflessness and non-clinging, mentally repeat the phrase ’not mine, not I, not myself’ when observing thoughts, emotions, perceptions, or bodily sensations. Start with easily observable phenomena and gradually extend to more difficult objects like thoughts and emotions.
Playfully observe hindrances (like doubt, aversion, or self-judgment) as they arise, seeing them with clear mindfulness, smiling at them, and ‘shooting them with a Nerf gun’ to depersonalize them without aggression. Ensure this approach is not rooted in aversion but in gentle, accepting awareness.
Practice ‘awareness’ in all daily activities (walking, sleeping, moving, eating) rather than just formal meditation, trusting that wisdom will arise from continuous awareness. This allows things to feel more relaxed and open.
Actively investigate deeply rooted beliefs that you mistake for facts (e.g., ’no one likes me’), recognizing them as ‘delusion’ to unlock new perspectives. This helps to see the world without the ‘shit-colored glasses’ of your conditioned attitudes.
When experiencing suffering, investigate it as an indication that there is something you are not fully mindful of, and bring awareness to it. As long as you are aware of the specific emotion, it transforms from a problem into an object of observation.
Cultivate ‘faith’ (trust or confidence) in the Dharma by surrendering to the practice, even when it feels difficult or unproductive. When practice feels stagnant, simplify your approach to ‘just sit and walk,’ persevering in the basic instructions.
Actively cultivate and participate in a community of fellow practitioners (Sangha), recognizing it as an essential and often undervalued part of the practice. This provides support and makes the path easier, especially during retreats.
Record and re-listen to important teachings or conversations (e.g., with a teacher) in small chunks over subsequent days, especially during other routine activities like stretching. This helps to better absorb and integrate complex information that might be missed in the initial hearing.
To counteract forgetting in personal growth, commit to repeated exposure to teachings and insights, as they need to be heard and revisited continuously. This deep listening allows insights to land more deeply over time.
Expect the first few days of a meditation retreat to be challenging, marked by sleepiness, doubt, and loneliness, as this is a normal process of the mind settling and developing concentration (samadhi). Persevere through this initial difficulty.
For beginners, start with formal, traditional meditation retreats that have a set schedule and group setting. This is generally recommended over individualized ‘concierge’ retreats to gain foundational experience.
Engage in walking meditation by bringing full attention to the feeling of your body moving through space, typically at a very slow pace. If distracted, gently restart your focus on the sensations.
Attend Dharma talks or study Buddhist teachings to understand the intellectual infrastructure of meditation practice. This can provide inspiration and remind you of your purpose when practice feels difficult or ‘stupid’.
Communicate your struggles and preferences with your meditation teacher, as they may adapt instructions to better suit your individual needs. This personalized guidance can significantly enhance your practice.
Avoid being ‘super intense’ about meditation practice, such as tracking hours or trying to achieve a certain number of hours, as this can lead to misery despite intense experiences. Focus on gentle, consistent engagement.
Observe the habit of having ‘future conversations’ or imaginary dialogues in your mind, recognizing them as a form of being ‘caught’ in a story or mental proliferation. This observation helps to understand the unusefulness of such mental activity.
If you’ve had a difficult or ’traumatic’ experience with one form of meditation (e.g., loving kindness), consider trying a different form, such as straight mindfulness, to re-engage with practice more gently.
To regain motivation for meditation after a break or difficult experience, pay close attention to your ‘inner weather’ (mood, mental state) when you are not meditating. Noticing a stormier inner state can provide intrinsic motivation to return to practice.
When returning to meditation or retreat after a difficult experience, prioritize relaxation, sleep, and eating, allowing yourself to ‘sometimes meditate’ rather than rigidly ‘getting the job done.’ This fosters a gentler re-engagement.
Consult with a meditation teacher who knows your practice to determine if a retreat is suitable for you, especially after difficult experiences. There is no single ‘right way’ to approach retreats, and personalized advice is valuable.
In meditation, focus on observing the moment-to-moment changes in experience rather than labeling entire days or sessions as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Recognize that impermanence is a core insight of the practice and avoid clinging to perceived outcomes.
To make retreats accessible, explore donation-based centers, scholarships, work-trade options, residential retreats (where you go home to sleep), or online retreats. Remember that you don’t have to do 10 days; shorter durations are also beneficial.
Plan a ‘soft reentry’ after a meditation retreat by gradually re-engaging with family and friends and debriefing your experiences. Avoid immediately diving back into intense daily life to allow for smoother integration.
Approach spiritual practice with a sense of lightness and fun, understanding that it’s a long-term training process that requires consistent practice and patience. Release the expectation of specific timelines or progress, as ’time is not a factor’.
View the insights gained from retreat (e.g., recognizing delusion, observing imaginary conversations) as valuable ‘gifts’ for ongoing self-observation and practice in daily life. These are tools to continue working with.
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