How to Work with Worry | Christiane Wolf

1. Empower Loving Adult Self

Cultivate your ’loving adult self’ to be in charge of your internal system, allowing other parts to offer opinions and inputs from the ‘backseat’ rather than letting them drive and control your actions.

2. Separate Self from Parts

To reduce the overwhelming feeling of emotions like anxiety, reframe ‘I am anxious’ to ‘I have a part that feels really anxious right now’ to create a sense of distance and avoid taking it too personally.

3. Discern Critic’s Intention

Understand that even an inner critic part has a good intention for you, such as keeping you safe, and learn to separate this positive intention from the often unhelpful method it uses.

4. Engage Inner Critic Kindly

To work with an inner critic, sit down with that part, get to know it, and understand what it actually wants for you, such as trying to keep you safe, which can lead to softening and decreased pressure.

5. Reframe Parts for Integration

Reframe your experience by understanding how parts like the inner critic or perfectionist are trying to keep you safe, which can lead to softening and decreased pressure when integrated with mindfulness.

6. Assess Worry’s Helpfulness

When experiencing worry or suffering, especially in response to others’ pain, ask yourself if that specific emotional state is truly helpful in the moment, and consider if there’s a more effective action to take.

7. Pivot Away From Worry

When worry arises, especially when waiting for a health diagnosis, practice noticing it and then consciously pivot away from feeding it.

8. Name Worry, Sense Present

When worry arises, name it (e.g., ‘worry mind’) to help tame it, and then direct your attention to the present moment through your senses, such as looking around the room, listening to sounds, or feeling your breath.

9. Practice Self-Compassion

When facing difficult situations like waiting for a health diagnosis, practice self-compassion by acknowledging that it’s a hard experience and that feeling worried and uncertain is a common human response.

10. Intention Over Forced Feeling

When practicing gratitude or loving kindness, focus on the intention to turn towards these feelings rather than forcing yourself to feel them, as the point is to do the exercise and trust it will bear fruit over time.

11. Trust Loving Kindness Process

Engage in loving kindness practice by repeating phrases like ‘may I be happy, may you be happy,’ even if you don’t feel anything initially, trusting that over time it will soften you and open the door for compassion.

12. Postpone Worries Mindfully

When your mind goes into a story or worry during focused attention, practice dropping it or putting it in a ‘parking lot’ by saying ’thank you, not now,’ as a training to stay present without suppressing the thought.

13. Avoid Misery for Others

Do not believe that being miserable is the best way to honor the suffering in the world, as this mindset does not actually help anybody.

14. Worry as Action Prompt

Recognize worry as a signal that you care or that there might be an actionable item; if there is no immediate action to take, understand that there is no benefit in continuing to worry.

15. Buy Gear, Not Stuff

When making purchases, ask yourself if what you’re buying is something you genuinely need and will use for many years (‘gear’), or if it’s merely ‘stuff’ that you’re being manipulated into wanting.

16. Resist Consumer Manipulation

When you feel manipulated by consumerism into wanting something, use that feeling of anger as a signal to pause and question what is truly happening before making a purchase.