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How To Unsubscribe From The Negative Stories You Tell About Yourself And Others | Anu Gupta

Dec 11, 2024 1h 5m 38 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p>---</p> <p>How your blindspots hurt your decision-making— and how to fix it.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><a href="https://www.anuguptany.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Anu Gupta</a> is an educator, lawyer, scientist, and the founder and CEO of <a href="https://www.bemorewithanu.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">BE MORE with Anu</a>, an education technology benefit corporation that trains professionals across corporate, nonprofit, and government sectors to advance DEIB and wellness by breaking bias. His work has reached 300+ organizations training more than 80,000 professionals impacting over 30 million lives. Gupta holds a JD from NYU Law, MPhil in Development Studies from Cambridge University, and BA in International Relations and Middle Eastern & Islamic Studies from NYU. As a gay immigrant of color, he came to the work of breaking bias after almost ending his life due to lifelong experiences with racism, homophobia, and Islamophobia. The realization that bias can be unlearned helped lead him out of that dark point and inspired a lifelong mission to build a global movement for social healing based on principles of mindfulness and compassion. A peer-reviewed author, he has written and spoken extensively, including on the TED stage, the Oprah Conversation, Fast Company, Newsweek, and Vogue Business. He is the author of Breaking Bias: Where Stereotypes and Prejudices Come From—and the Science-Backed Method to Unravel Them.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>The 5 causes of bias</li> <li>The dis-utility of shame</li> <li>What has – and hasn't – been working in DEI trainings</li> <li>Contemplative practices, on and off the cushion, for breaking bias</li> <li>And his response to skeptics </li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <ul> <li><a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/jessica-nordell-rerun" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Why You're Not Seeing the World Clearly— and How to Fix It | Jessica Nordell</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.happierapp.com/podcast/tph/john-biewen-333" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Self-Interested Case for Examining Your Biases | John Biewen</a></li> <li><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dolly-chugh-how-good-people-fight-bias/id1087147821?i=1000468718792" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Dolly Chugh, How Good People Fight Bias</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/rhonda-magee-law-professor-using-39f" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Rhonda Magee, Law Professor Using Mindfulness to Defeat Bias</a></li> <li><a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/loretta-ross-316" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">How to Call People In (Instead of Calling Them Out) | Loretta Ross</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's newsletter</strong> <a href="http://www.danharris.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/anu-gupta-877" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/anu-gupta-877</a></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Heal Self-Disconnection

Understand that wanting yourself to be other than who you are leads to wanting others to be a certain way, causing disconnection; healing your self-disconnection is the first step to seeing others for who they truly are.

2. Start with Self-Healing

Begin the work of breaking bias by focusing on personal self-healing, as this positive change will naturally extend to improve relationships and decisions in all areas of life.

3. Recognize Self-Limiting Ideas

Become aware of the negative, self-limiting ideas you believe about yourself (e.g., ‘fatty,’ ‘idiot’) and recognize that these are just ideas, not your true self, to begin the process of unlearning them.

4. Avoid Shame in Bias Work

Approach bias work and diversity education by avoiding shame, blame, and guilt, as these ‘afflictive emotions’ are dangerous and counterproductive, leading to backlash and polarization.

5. Utilize Mindfulness for Bias Reduction

Employ mindfulness-based tools such as loving kindness, compassion, curiosity, and mindfulness, as scientific studies show they measurably reduce both implicit and explicit bias.

6. Mindfully Label Stereotypes

Cultivate mindfulness by noticing and labeling stereotypes, ideas, or biases as they arise in your mind (e.g., ‘oh, stereotype’), creating a gap that prevents you from automatically following that thought train.

7. Mindfully Observe & Release Shame

When biases arise, also make any accompanying emotions like embarrassment or shame an object of mindfulness, noticing them to eventually let go, understanding that these feelings are not personal.

8. Notice Somatic Bias Experience

Become intimately aware of bias not just as a thought or emotion, but also as a somatic experience, noticing the physical sensations (e.g., discomfort, fear) in your body.

9. Replace Stereotypes with Examples

Once you’ve mindfully noticed a stereotype, actively replace it by bringing to mind a real-life example (e.g., a known person, a public figure, or someone found via search) who defies that stereotype to weaken mental associations.

10. Cultivate Curiosity for Individuation

Practice individuation by cultivating curiosity, interest, and investigation to decouple group-based associations from individuals, allowing you to see each person as unique rather than through the lens of their group identity.

11. Cultivate Pro-Social States

Actively cultivate pro-social mental and emotional states such as loving kindness, compassion, joy, and altruism, as these practices help diminish fear and negative affect associated with stereotypes.

12. Practice Perspective Taking

Practice perspective taking by imagining yourself in another person’s shoes, focusing on the fullness of their experience rather than your preconceived ideas, which builds empathy and transcends bias.

13. Address Self-Loathing

Recognize that self-loathing and negative self-talk (‘kicking your own ass’) negatively impact your relationships with others, creating a ’toilet vortex’ of suffering, and address it for overall well-being.

14. Engage Body & Heart

Approach bias-breaking not just intellectually, but by engaging your full self, including your physical and emotional experiences (’neck down’), for a more holistic transformation.

15. Unlearn & Relearn Habits

Actively work to unlearn the learned mental habits of bias and false beliefs, and consciously learn and restore new, healthier ways of interacting with yourself and others.

16. Commit to Consistent Practice

Commit to consistent practice of bias-breaking tools, understanding that it takes as little as 18 days to build a new habit, making the process less overwhelming over time.

17. Practice Loving Kindness

Practice loving kindness meditation, even for short periods (e.g., 5-20 minutes), directing well wishes towards stereotyped groups and also towards aspects of yourself that you dislike or hate, to diminish self-criticism.

18. Practice Self-Perspective Taking

Apply perspective taking to yourself by imagining being different past versions of yourself (e.g., your six-year-old self) through journaling or meditation, to foster self-empathy and compassion.

19. Integrate Practice & Action

Engage in pro-social practices both ‘on the cushion’ (meditation) and ‘off the cushion’ (real-world actions), understanding that internal rewiring supports more compassionate and unbiased interactions in daily life.

20. Reflect on Societal Bias Feelings

Reflect on how you feel about bias in society by noticing the first word or phrase that arises, observing any attached emotions (pleasant, unpleasant, neutral), and sensing its somatic experience in your body, then letting it go without analysis.

21. Imagine World Without Bias

Imagine a world without bias, where belonging replaces it, and notice the word or phrase, emotional affect, and somatic experience that arises, cradling these feelings with loving kindness and self-compassion.

22. Replace Bias Feelings with Vision

When you witness bias in society and experience negative emotions, consciously replace those feelings with the positive emotions and sensations you cultivated by imagining a world without bias.

23. Envision Personal Freedom

If systemic issues feel overwhelming, focus on envisioning what it would be like for yourself to be free of self-loathing and other afflictive challenges, using this personal vision as motivation for your practice.

24. Re-invoke Positive Vision

When encountering ignorance or bigotry, re-invoke the positive emotions and felt sense of a world without bias to stay inspired and motivated in your bias-breaking work.

25. Document Identity Belief Origins

Document your personal definitions of identities like ‘race’ and trace where you learned these ideas (who told you, who taught you) to bring mindfulness to their origins and challenge their validity.

26. Process Bias Origin Emotions

After tracing the origins of your identity beliefs, become mindful of the body sensations and emotions (e.g., anger) that arise, and document them, as managing these emotions is crucial before taking further action.

27. Cease Harmful Learned Stories

Bring to the surface the origins of harmful learned stories (e.g., gender roles) and consciously choose to stop practicing them in your daily life.

28. View Actions Through Causes

When encountering negative actions, view them through the lens of ‘causes and conditions’ (karma), understanding that this perspective can help avoid unhelpful hatred and foster a more effective response.

29. Adopt Long-Term Impact Perspective

When working on societal change, adopt a long-term perspective, considering the impact over multiple lifetimes rather than just your own, to avoid attachment to immediate results and sustain effort.

30. Model Bias-Breaking for Kids

Practice bias-breaking for the sake of your children, modeling and teaching these essential skills to them as they encounter biases in their own lives.

31. Eliminate False Ideas

Eliminate false ideas about others based on their appearance or identity, as these biases make you ‘dumber’ and cause you to overlook valuable contributors, hindering team performance and efficiency.

32. Overcome Bias for Talent

Overcome biases to avoid inefficiencies in hiring and nurturing talent, ensuring you can identify and develop the best contributors based on who they are, not preconceived notions.

33. Focus on Unlearning Bias

Advocate for diversity training that focuses on getting to the root cause of bias as a learned habit, emphasizing unlearning these habits rather than just policy changes.

34. Mindfully Engage Coping Mechanisms

When feeling negative emotions, engage mindfully with coping mechanisms (e.g., social media, news, alcohol, gossip) rather than using them to escape, ensuring you use them with purpose instead of worsening your state.

35. Correct Identity Misinformation

Actively correct misinformation about identity, especially in professional contexts like healthcare, to challenge learned associations that reduce empathy and lead to disparities.

36. Examine Unconscious Superiority

For those in dominant identities, examine the unconscious stories of entitlement and superiority you believe about yourself, as these can lead to brittleness and anger when challenged.

37. Acknowledge Shared Is-ness

Acknowledge the fundamental ‘is-ness’ of your being and how it connects you to all other humans and sentient beings, which can lead to feeling better and fostering empathy.

38. Learn from Bias Mistakes

When making mistakes related to bias, acknowledge them impersonally by thinking, ‘Oh, I didn’t know that. Thanks for informing me,’ rather than getting stuck in shame, to build stronger bonds across differences.