Reframe difficult patches in your life, such as the holidays, as a test, a gym, or a dojo. This allows you to practice strategies that help you navigate challenges more effectively.
View the provided strategies as a menu of options, not a rigid to-do list. Do not try to implement everything at once, as this can lead to stress; instead, pick one or two strategies that resonate and give yourself grace to start again if you falter.
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend, especially when facing difficulties or perceived failures. This approach is shown to make you more effective at reaching your goals and provides significant physiological and psychological benefits.
Recognize that while you can put in maximum effort, the ultimate outcome is often beyond your control due to life’s many variables. This mindset helps alleviate suffering when things don’t go as planned, such as a burnt cake or an awkward conversation.
Instead of striving for perfection, embrace the imperfections and messiness of situations, like a gift that doesn’t land well. This perspective can reveal a unique beauty that perfection often lacks, or at least allow you to embrace your capacity for resilience.
Regularly engage in mindfulness meditation by sitting comfortably, focusing attention on your breath or other sensations, and gently returning your attention every time your mind wanders. This practice helps you become familiar with your mind’s chaos, take thoughts less seriously, and notice and release expectations that put you at war with reality.
Maintain regular, running to-do lists in a journal to manage overwhelm. This practice helps organize your thoughts, set priorities, increase productivity, and allows you to prioritize what’s important, let go of what you can’t get to, and delegate tasks.
When feeling overwhelmed by numerous tasks, shift your focus to ’the next needed thing’ or ’the next right thing.’ This helps you break free from a vague sense of having too much to do and concentrate on the immediate task at hand.
If you find yourself caught in a running dialogue of anxiety and taking your thoughts too seriously, try singing them out loud. This technique can help you gain distance from your thoughts and take them less seriously.
If you notice yourself coiled in stress or overwhelm, gently put a half smile on your face. This subtle physical action can signal to your brain that you are in a better mood, helping you to relax.
When strong emotions like anger or anxiety arise, practice catching and watching them without immediately acting out. Recognize that emotions are temporary ‘weather patterns’ with a short half-life, allowing you to experience them and find freedom on the other side.
To reset your nervous system, take the deepest breath you can, then exhale slowly through pursed lips as if blowing through a straw, making the exhale two or more times the length of the inhale. Practice this for one to two minutes.
Proactively schedule time for self-care activities like meditation, naps, exercise, or walks. This is crucial for recharging your battery, preventing burnout, and enabling you to be more effective and useful to others.
Feel empowered to say ’no’ to expectations and obligations that contribute to overwhelm. When setting boundaries, state them clearly, concisely, and directly, use repetition without over-explaining, and maintain a calm and firm tone.
Anticipate potentially difficult conversations, such as political discussions during holidays, and prepare what you want to say. Having a loose script can be liberating, reduce stress, and help you communicate your points concisely and directly.
In conversations, especially difficult ones, listen carefully and then briefly repeat back the essence of what the other person said in your own words. This practice helps the other person feel seen and heard, relaxes their nervous system, and gives you a crucial pause before reacting impulsively.
Remember that silence is always an option, especially in heated arguments. Choosing to say nothing can be a powerful de-escalation technique.
Give yourself permission to fully feel whatever emotions arise from grief, rather than pushing them away. Remind yourself, ‘it’s okay’ to feel what you’re feeling, no matter how uncomfortable or excruciating it may be.
Find a quiet place and write about a difficult issue, such as grief, for 15 minutes straight for three to four days. Focus on getting all thoughts and feelings onto the page without worrying about writing quality, as this evidence-based practice offers numerous physiological and psychological benefits.
Practice loving-kindness meditation by envisioning the person you are missing as they were alive and silently sending them phrases like ‘May you be happy, safe, healthy, and live with ease.’ This can help nurture the love you felt, which does not have to die with the person.
Never worry alone; actively seek social support from sympathetic and empathic friends and family members. Share stories about the person you miss, as grief does not operate on a timeline, and consider joining a support group if needed.
To address loneliness, which stems from the quality, not quantity, of relationships, engage in volunteer work. This is an excellent way to meet new people and remind yourself of your innate worth, counteracting negative self-perceptions.
Assume a comfortable position, close your eyes, and envision people who are struggling. Silently send them phrases such as ‘May you be free from pain, may you be free from fear, may you be free from sorrow, may you be free from suffering.’ This practice pulls you out of self-focused stories and can provoke gratitude.
To manage social anxiety, make a concerted effort to shift your focus outward by taking note of and showing interest in your physical surroundings and the people you encounter. Ask questions and get curious to get out of your own head and connect more deeply.
Before attending social events, prepare a few loose conversation starters. Having a general idea of what to say can reduce awkwardness and provide a helpful script when you’re feeling nervous.
When experiencing nervousness or anxiety about social interactions, consciously reframe these feelings as excitement. This powerful technique allows you to act despite fear, and taking baby steps in anxious situations will build confidence over time.
Adopt intuitive eating by allowing yourself to eat whatever you want, whenever you want, while gently keeping nutrition guidelines in mind and listening to your body’s hunger and fullness cues. This approach aims for satisfaction rather than restriction, as diets often don’t work.
When eating, especially tempting foods, aim for satisfaction rather than gorging. Pay attention to when you are truly satisfied, distinguishing between physical hunger and seeking pleasure hits in the brain.
Before eating, especially when considering indulgent foods, ask yourself, ‘How do I want to feel right now?’ This question helps you make smart decisions around food, avoiding legalistic or moralistic rules, and allowing you to enjoy food without feeling bad later.
When experiencing shame or negative self-judgment about your body after eating, remind yourself, ‘wrong yardstick.’ This helps challenge culturally embedded ideas about physical aesthetics and separates your self-worth from arbitrary appearance standards.
When facing travel struggles like traffic jams or flight delays, reframe these situations as an opportunity to practice your tolerance for discomfort and your ability to bounce back. This helps build resilience in a world designed for minimal friction.
Utilize unexpected delays at the airport or on a plane as an opportune time to practice meditation, turning an inconvenience into a moment for mindfulness.
When experiencing money worries, ask yourself the provocative question, ‘How much is enough?’ This helps counter social comparisons, assess your true needs, foster gratitude, and keep financial concerns in perspective.
When ambushed by financial concerns or any suffering, use this three-step process: 1) Be mindful of the suffering (e.g., ‘This sucks’). 2) Invoke common humanity by recognizing others share similar struggles. 3) Talk to yourself in a supportive way, as you would a good friend.
Enhance the effectiveness of self-compassion by physically placing your hand on your heart or chest, or even giving yourself a hug, while practicing the Neff 3-step. This physical gesture is backed by science and can make the practice more impactful.
When experiencing difficult emotions like anxiety or anger, use a linguistic trick to rephrase them in your mind. Instead of saying ‘I’m scared,’ say ‘There is anxiety’ or ‘There is fear,’ which helps you feel less entangled and view emotions as passing weather patterns rather than reflections of your core self.