How to Stay Calm No Matter What's Happening | Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren

1. Set Welcoming Intention

At the beginning of your practice, set an intention to welcome whatever arises with an attitude of openness, as harnessing your imagination in this way is a powerful organizing principle.

2. Regular Attitude Check

Regularly ask yourself, ‘What’s the attitude in the mind right now?’ both in meditation and daily life, to reveal and address underlying mental states that might be controlling you.

3. Choose Acceptance & Coolness

Make a conscious choice to be okay with whatever is happening, cultivating an attitude of being ‘cool with it,’ as this acceptance is transformative and fosters equanimity.

4. Cultivate Inner Space

Practice to develop the capacity to be available to what’s present in a natural, easy way, without fighting it, which creates inner space and a feeling of inner looseness.

5. Investigate Urgency with Curiosity

When a sense of urgency arises, investigate it with curiosity: feel where it is in your body, question why it feels urgent, and stay with it to discover if the urgency truly exists.

6. Allow Yourself to Feel Anger

Give yourself permission to feel anger without acting it out, as suppressing it can lead to increased reactivity in life. Breathe and let the anger ‘sing inside you’ without guilt.

7. Unearth Anger’s Root Causes

Investigate if anger is a compensatory response to underlying feelings of helplessness or vulnerability, which can be unearthed through psychotherapy or meditation insights.

8. Practice “Love No Matter What”

When dealing with anger towards others, use the slogan ’love no matter what’ as a circuit breaker, understanding it as a recognition that others’ actions stem from their circumstances, not as approval of their behavior.

9. Use “Dead End” Slogan

When caught in a loop of unproductive rumination or rage, mentally repeat ‘dead end’ to acknowledge that further thinking won’t help and to change your mental channel.

10. Utilize Slogans for Emotions

Learn and ponder short slogans or mantras that you can drop into your mind when strong emotions arise, as they can spontaneously appear when needed to regulate your state.

11. Cultivate Patience in Meditation

Remember you are not in a rush during meditation and aren’t trying to get to the end, as this patience can significantly shift the feeling tone of the practice.

12. Be Present with Difficulties

Develop the capacity to be fully present with what’s happening, even if it’s injustice or harm, without necessarily liking it or fighting with it.

13. Notice Hidden Mental Contention

Practice helps you notice when you are uptight or in contention with things you weren’t aware of, especially as your mind settles.

14. Remember “I’ll Be Fine”

When facing stress or worry, remind yourself that you will be fine no matter what happens, drawing on the wisdom of non-clinging.

15. Inquire into “Being”

Cultivate a deep curiosity about ‘being’ and the nature of existence, approaching it with excitement and energy, as this is a profound inquiry.

16. Balance Fixation with Gentle Inquiry

If you have a tendency to fixation, balance intense energy with learning to settle in your body and engaging in a more delicate, gentle inquiry into being present, easing fixation with each exhale.

17. Recognize Practice Seasons

Understand that meditation practice has seasons, and feeling forsaken or like your practice isn’t working is a normal, mature stage of growth.

18. Keep Sitting Through Ruts

When your practice feels broken or desolating, continue to sit, using the experience to learn if you can be okay even with that feeling, as this is part of the practice’s true nature.

19. Find Your Unique Practice

Recognize that ‘finding your practice’ is an ongoing process, as your meditation approach will change over time just as you do.

20. Commit to Short Meditations

If your meditation is only 10-15 minutes, commit fully to that duration without distraction, as it’s a manageable commitment.

21. Jot Down Obsessive Thoughts

If a thought is truly obsessive during a longer meditation (e.g., 30 minutes), occasionally write it down to release it, but for shorter sits, commit to staying present.

22. Set Intentions for Presence

Before important interactions or tasks, set an intention for how you want to show up in your body (e.g., ‘spacious, unhurried’) and connect to that feeling, as your body will remember it.

23. Avoid Self-Hostility

Do not bring an attitude of hostility towards yourself or the idea of ‘obliterating the self’ into meditation, as it is counterproductive to the practice.

24. Access States Via Body

Understand that profound or mystical experiences are accessed through engagement with the body and the self, not by trying to obliterate them.

25. Cathartically Express Anger

Explore cathartic ways to express anger, such as through art, screaming in the woods, or using a punching bag, if internal processing isn’t sufficient.