Make nervous system regulation a ‘full-time job,’ dedicating hours each day to practices that keep you stable, as consistency in these practices is crucial for well-being.
Strive to cultivate a sense of unconditional self-love and acceptance, believing that you are perfect as you are and do not need to transform or become better to be loved.
Cultivate deep, quiet communion with your chosen spiritual source (e.g., God, the Tao, the mystery) to find a sense of true home and inner settling, enabling you to navigate the world with greater ease.
Improve all your relationships by sourcing your sense of security from an internal spiritual presence rather than attempting to derive it from other people, such as friends, family, or partners.
Recognize and embrace the highest, wisest, and kindest voice within your own head as potentially synonymous with a divine voice or God’s presence, fostering self-compassion and inner guidance.
Practice ‘reparenting’ yourself by acknowledging and validating your desires and discomfort without judgment, then choosing to feel the grief, sorrow, and discomfort now rather than postponing it.
Be willing to experience the discomfort of withdrawal from addictive patterns, rather than immediately seeking another ‘fix’ or person, as this process is essential for true healing.
Develop the ability to sit with and tolerate fundamental discomfort without immediately reaching for external people or substances to alleviate it.
Engage in two-way prayer by clearing your mind, meditating briefly, reading sacred text, and then writing ‘Dear God, what would you have me know today?’ to receive daily guidance and instructions without overthinking.
Incorporate ancient spiritual practices such as meditation and prayer to calm and settle your nervous system, recognizing their long history of effectiveness.
Apply the principles and steps of 12-step recovery programs to behavioral addictions (like sex and love addiction) to achieve a transformation of consciousness and break destructive patterns.
If struggling with addiction, seek out 12-step recovery programs to find community, understanding, and a path to recovery by realizing others share similar struggles and there are established methods for healing.
Dedicate time to celibacy and living independently to learn your own rhythms, patterns, and preferences, prioritizing self-discovery and stabilization before entering new relationships.
During intense discomfort, nurture yourself like a colicky baby with self-soothing activities (e.g., baths, comforting shows), commit to not engaging in harmful behaviors, and trust that the pain will eventually ease one day at a time.
If recovering from love addiction, develop a ‘sober dating plan’ with a sponsor, outlining clear boundaries and best practices to avoid repeating past destructive relationship behaviors.
Do not enter into relationships with individuals who are already involved with someone, are emotionally unavailable, or are unhealed from past relationships, to avoid repeating patterns of trying to ‘fix’ others.
When dating, implement strict boundaries such as limiting first dates to an hour and a half in a public place and scheduling subsequent dates with a week’s gap, to prevent enmeshment and reinforce your independent life.
Avoid obsessive daily texting in new relationships; instead, set a date and communicate primarily about meeting, allowing space for your own life outside the new person.
Set boundaries such as not moving anyone into your home for the first year of a relationship and delaying introductions to family, to prevent premature enmeshment.
Redirect the time and energy previously spent on enmeshment or codependency towards personal growth and creative pursuits, allowing your own talents and interests to blossom.
Re-prioritize and nurture existing friendships by redirecting attention previously consumed by romantic drama or codependency, allowing these relationships to deepen and flourish.
Extend mercy to yourself and others, recognizing that forgiveness and compassion can be transformative, especially when reflecting on past mistakes or struggles.
Gain some visibility into the causes of your struggles, but ensure you also acquire and apply practical tools for change, as understanding alone does not provide relief.
While understanding the causes of your issues can be helpful, prioritize practical tools and actionable steps for recovery, as mere discovery of causes may not be sufficient to change behavior.
When seeking therapy, look for practitioners who go beyond past trauma exploration to also provide practical tools and strategies for behavior change, such as those found in cognitive behavioral therapy.
If the concept of God is traumatizing, consider reframing it to align with an infinitely loving, ever-available presence that is not judgmental or tyrannical, allowing for a more personal and healing connection.
Identify and connect with a source of love that is unwavering, patient, and accepting of your darkness, as this kind of steadfast love can be deeply healing and cannot be exhausted.
Embrace the idea of being loved unconditionally, recognizing that this acceptance can be a catalyst for growth and a path to alleviate suffering, rather than a demand for self-improvement.
Understand that addiction can co-opt and weaponize even your best qualities, like generosity or warmth, to fulfill its needs, leading to manipulative or destructive behaviors.
Consider a period of complete sobriety from alcohol and drugs, and reducing reliance on other mind-altering substances, to remove barriers and face yourself fully.
If in a 12-step recovery program, attend meetings daily and engage in service, as service is considered crucial for maintaining sobriety and healing.
Engage in mantra meditation, as taught in traditions like those found in ashrams, to help regulate your nervous system and foster inner calm.
Include practices like yoga, general body movement, and breath work in your daily routine to support nervous system regulation and overall well-being.
Strive to receive ‘Good Orderly Direction’ (G.O.D.), which can make life manageable and provide clear guidance for navigating the world.
When experiencing homesickness or a feeling of being unmoored, consider reframing it as a spiritual longing for your ultimate source or the ‘great everything,’ rather than just a physical place.
Use practices like two-way prayer to seek guidance from your higher power on whether you are ready for a romantic relationship, trusting the intuitive answer.
Recognize that recovery involves giving up a singular addiction (the ‘one thing’) to reclaim and enrich all other aspects of your life (the ’everything’).
Adopt the understanding that God (or your spiritual source) dwells within you as your true self, fostering an internal connection rather than seeking an externalized deity.
Hold the belief that the spiritual truth or connection you are seeking is also actively seeking you, fostering a sense of mutual longing and eventual recognition.
Strive for moments of ‘splendor of recognition’ where you realize your inherent unity with the divine, understanding that you are ‘of God and God is of you.’
To pursue enlightenment, choose to meditate on either ‘Who am I?’ or ‘Who is God?’, as both paths are believed to lead to the same realization of interconnectedness.
Engage with guided meditations, specifically those focused on the ‘craving mind,’ to learn how to observe your cravings without being controlled by them.
Participate in live meditation sessions, such as those offered weekly on Tuesdays at four Eastern, to engage in a shared practice.
Consider attending in-person or online meditation retreats and workshops, such as those focused on topics like depression and anxiety, to deepen your practice and learning.