Snap out of autopilot and become aware of what is happening in the present moment when pain arises, as this is the most important first step to addressing it.
Recognize that pain is usually composed of three components: physical sensations, emotional responses, and the thoughts or stories you tell yourself about it, to make it feel less overwhelming.
Once you’ve broken down pain into its components, check which one is currently creating the biggest suffering, allowing you to focus your skills on that specific aspect.
Instead of saying ‘I am in pain,’ use phrases like ’there is pain here,’ to avoid identifying with the pain and its associated ramifications.
When focusing on physical pain, use neutral, descriptive language (e.g., pressure, heat, tearing) instead of judging labels (e.g., ‘killing me,’ ‘monster’) to avoid alarming your system and making the experience worse.
Become very specific about the pain’s location, quality (e.g., hot, pressure), and size, bringing curiosity to the raw data of your physical sensations rather than assuming you know what you’ll find.
When anxious or worried thoughts about pain arise, practice disengaging from them and letting them be in the background, recognizing that thinking is happening without necessarily believing the thoughts are true.
To disengage from unhelpful thoughts, redirect your attention to a sensory anchor like your breath, your feet on the floor, or orienting yourself in the room, as the brain has a limited attention span and cannot fully focus on thoughts and an anchor simultaneously.
Apply Kristin Neff’s model of self-compassion by combining mindfulness (awareness of pain), self-kindness (acknowledging struggle with kindness), and shared humanity (connecting with others experiencing similar pain).
Acknowledge the pain or struggle with an intention of kindness, perhaps by placing a hand on your heart or the painful area and saying, ‘This really hurts; this is a moment of struggle,’ to create a softening effect.
Open up to the understanding that your pain is part of the human experience and connect, internally or energetically, with all other people who are experiencing similar pain, which can be a helpful and supportive feeling.
Place your own hand on the part of your body that hurts, or hold your own hand in your lap as a ‘stealth touch,’ to communicate support and comfort to your nervous system, similar to how physical touch from others can reduce pain.
Personalize the language used in self-compassion practices to make it resonate with you, such as using ‘bro-y’ language like ’this sucks, dude,’ if more formal phrases feel corny or unhelpful.
Engage in self-compassion because there is pain, not with the subtle or overt agenda of making the pain go away, as this allows for true letting go and prevents the ‘in order to mind’ hindrance.
When meditating with pain, observe if you have an agenda to make the pain go away, and simply notice this ‘in order to’ mindset without judgment, as it’s a classic hindrance to truly letting go.
Remind yourself that ‘awareness doesn’t care what it is aware of,’ treating all experiences, including intense pain, as objects that the knowing faculty of the mind can observe neutrally.
Remember that mindfulness is not just about attention, but also about the intention behind it, practicing with the goal to reduce suffering, gain insight, and understand how the untrained mind creates more suffering.
In a meditation setting, if the pain is not too overwhelming, choose to use it as the object of your attention to deepen concentration (samadhi), sometimes leading to the experience of pain ceasing to be painful and becoming an intense vibration.
Understand that while you are not responsible for the emotions that arise, you are responsible for what you do with them, shifting away from the idea that there is something wrong with you for feeling a certain way.
The first step in working with anger is to become aware that it is in your system, by noticing its physical manifestations, such as tightness or restlessness in the body.
Once aware of anger, practice holding it without immediately acting on the impulse to discharge the energy, to avoid harming relationships and yourself.
Treat intense anger like a ‘wild horse’ or ’tantruming toddler’ by giving it a wide space, metaphorically or literally in your meditation, holding it safely until the energy naturally calms down.
When anger arises, intentionally stay away from the narrative or story surrounding it, as re-engaging with thoughts about what happened will re-trigger and intensify the emotion.
Instead of the story, focus your meditation on where anger is located in your body (e.g., chest tightness, restless energy) and the raw sensations it produces.
After locating anger in the body, expand your awareness to feel your whole body, noticing that anger is often confined to specific areas and other parts of your body are not experiencing that sensation.
Begin forgiveness practice by setting a clear intention to work on forgiving a situation, another person, or yourself, as agency over intention is key even if you cannot instantly decide to forgive.
Apply compassion practice to yourself during forgiveness, acknowledging that you may have made a mistake out of ignorance or fear, and that you have moved on.
Employ specific phrases, such as ‘out of my own ignorance, out of my own fear, out of my own just being stuck, I made this mistake,’ and repeat them while feeling into the pain of not being free, to cultivate forgiveness.
Cultivate the mindset that even if pain does not go away, it does not prevent you from having a joyful, full, and meaningful life, shifting away from the fixation that happiness is only possible without pain.