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How to Make it in Hollywood (and everywhere else), Brian Grazer

Oct 30, 2019 1h 16m 26 insights
Brian Grazer is a Hollywood giant! He's made more than 100 films including Splash, Apollo 13 and the best-picture-winning A Beautiful Mind. He tells Dan this week how he has used his own curiosity in others to build powerful relationships. He takes us back to when he was a law clerk at Warner Bros. delivering papers to the biggest names in Hollywood and how he was able to overcome personal obstacles to strike up conversations he would turn into connections. Grazer also discusses how he uses transcendental meditation to calm feelings of anxiety and fear. We also discuss his latest book, Face to Face: The Art of Human Connection, his secrets on how to engage with others, and the importance of eye contact is when it comes to building relationships. Plug Zone Face to Face: https://www.amazon.com/Eye-Contact-Power-Personal-Connection/dp/1501147722 A Curious Mind: http://www.grazeriscurious.com/ Social: @BrianGrazer An Evening with Joseph Goldstein and Dan Harris: Staying Sane in a Crazy World https://www.nyimc.org/event/an-evening-with-joseph-goldstein-and-dan-harris-staying-sane-in-a-crazy-world/ Dan's Book Recommendations: https://www.tenpercent.com/reading Ten Percent Happier Podcast Insiders Feedback Group: https://10percenthappier.typeform.com/to/vHz4q4 Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326
Actionable Insights

1. Use Fear as Prompt to Act

When you feel fear about approaching someone or doing something important, use it as a prompt to act immediately, as this fear signals its significance.

2. Cultivate Curiosity as Skill

Actively develop curiosity as a skill by viewing human beings as a ’textbook’ and engaging in expansive, interactive conversations to learn everything.

3. Prioritize Face-to-Face Connection

Make a conscious effort to engage in face-to-face interactions, as these human connections are incredibly valuable and often lead to significant opportunities.

4. Engage Without Immediate Ambition

Approach conversations with an authentic, present-time spirit, without the immediate ambition of asking for a job or favor, to foster genuine connection.

5. Reframe Bad Experiences for Learning

When an experience goes poorly, reframe it by stepping back, analyzing what made it bad, and studying it objectively to extract lessons and move past the pain.

6. Intention: Create Best Date

Approach curiosity conversations with the intention of being fully present and making the interaction as engaging and memorable as a ‘best date’ to foster deep connection.

7. Maintain Direct Eye Contact

When you want someone to share deeply or talk for a long time, maintain direct eye contact with them without diffusing it by looking at other people.

8. Do Homework Before Meetings

Thoroughly research a person’s work or background before requesting their time to show respect, pique their interest, and ensure a valuable conversation.

9. Meditate to Calm Anxiety

Meditate before one-on-one concentrations or social events to calm your nervous system, disengage from pre-anticipatory anxiety, and enhance presence.

10. Incorporate Formal Meditation Daily

Dedicate a few minutes daily to formal seated or slow walking meditation, as this practice turbocharges your capacity for mindfulness and other positive qualities in everyday life.

11. Practice Self-Compassion

Counter self-criticism and low self-esteem after failure by practicing self-compassion and appreciating your accomplishments, like ‘kissing the mirror’.

12. Use Meditation for Failure

Employ Transcendental Meditation (TM) or similar practices as a tool to get unstuck from negative thought cycles and self-blame when experiencing failure.

13. Create Conversation Starters

When nervous about initiating a conversation, use simple ‘props’ like a wave or a direct ‘hi’ to break the ice and start the interaction.

14. Prepare Stories for Parties

Before attending social events, prepare three interesting stories or conversation starters to facilitate engagement and overcome social anxiety.

15. Be Alert in the World

Stay alert to current events, new music, or interesting topics to have relevant and engaging material for conversations with others.

16. Work to Create Respect, Dignity

Consciously work to create respect and dignity in your presentation and interactions, as this helps you be taken more seriously regardless of background.

17. Tell Boss Reality Changed

When seeking a raise or promotion, confidently articulate to your boss how your ‘reality has changed’ due to increased value and proven performance, backed by evidence.

18. Put Phone Away Socially

Put your phone away when entering social events or meetings to appear more confident and present, avoiding the impression of insecurity.

19. Avoid Being Late

Avoid being late without a valid reason, as showing up late can signal insecurity rather than busyness to smart people.

20. Start Day with Gratitude

Begin each day by acknowledging gratitude for being alive and having good health, as this practice provides strength and power.

21. Find Small Slots for Meditation

Identify and utilize small, consistent opportunities in your day, such as before bed or after exercise, to fit in formal meditation practice.

22. Avoid Social Media Scrolling

Replace time spent scrolling social media, which can lead to feelings of insufficiency, with more beneficial practices like meditation or genuine human connection.

23. Insist on Direct Interaction

When delivering something or seeking a meeting, insist on direct interaction with the intended recipient rather than assistants to gain valuable face time.

24. Take Immediate Microsteps

Practice taking immediate ‘microsteps’ towards your goals or desired actions without overthinking, to foster momentum and progress.

25. Research to Pique Interest

Before reaching out to someone, research their interests or find a ‘hooky phrase’ to pique their interest and demonstrate thoughtfulness to their assistant or themselves.

26. Focus on Good Intentions

When interacting with people, ensure your spirit and intentions are good, as this fosters forgiveness for minor missteps or ‘dumb things’ you might say.