Actively ‘water’ the positive qualities in others by regularly expressing appreciation for what they do well, as this encourages those positive traits to grow and strengthen, rather than focusing on weaknesses.
When addressing conflict, always start by identifying and expressing appreciation for the other person’s positive qualities or actions to ensure you approach the situation with a holistic perspective, rather than being consumed by negativity.
Regularly ‘clean’ your relationships by expressing regret for even small missteps, preventing ‘pebbles’ of unaddressed issues from accumulating into larger knots that damage self-perception and relationships.
When hurt, communicate it directly and constructively, avoiding outbursts or suppression, by first affirming care and acknowledging your own role, then clearly stating how a specific action impacted you.
Regularly express appreciation to build a ‘buffer’ of goodwill in relationships, making it easier to handle inevitable conflicts and criticisms without taking them personally, as both parties know their fundamental goodness is seen.
When engaging in difficult conversations, employ strategies like expressing appreciation first to prevent amygdala hijacks, thereby keeping the prefrontal cortex active for more rational and productive communication.
When practices feel ‘cheesy’ or confront your ego, lean into them, as they serve as humility practices that open and grow your heart by shifting focus from self to others.
Model vulnerability and a willingness to improve by openly admitting mistakes and expressing a desire to do better, as this can inspire similar behavior in others.
Prioritize the effectiveness of relationship practices over personal resistance to formality or specific language, customizing them as needed to achieve and maintain better relationships.
If a person cannot take criticism, shift your strategy to primarily ‘water what’s good in them’ by expressing genuine appreciation, rather than focusing on their hurtful actions, to foster a more loving response.
When expressing hurt, use ‘I’ statements to describe your feelings and the impact on you, avoiding blame or judgment, and taking responsibility for your own role in the situation.
When someone expresses their hurt, practice active listening without immediately correcting their perceptions, allowing them to fully share their experience.
If someone expresses hurt based on misperceptions, prioritize letting them release their feelings first, then schedule a separate time to calmly clarify your perspective, acknowledging their hurt while gently correcting misunderstandings.
Examine your own internal complaints and critical thoughts about others, as they can contribute to your own resentment and reveal your role in relationship problems.
Discern whether pointing out what’s not going well will actually serve to rebuild a relationship, ensuring your words come from an intention to heal and rebuild, not to blame, diminish, or play the victim.
Inform others when their actions hurt you, as this provides them with the opportunity to understand your boundaries and adjust their behavior, preventing unintentional harm.
Customize formal practices like ‘Beginning Anew’ by focusing on core elements such as expressing appreciation and optionally expressing regrets, rather than strictly adhering to all steps or formalities.
Enhance relationship-building practices by creating a special atmosphere or ritual, such as a unique drink or lighting a fire, to associate the practice with positive reinforcement and make it more anticipated.
Implement a regular (e.g., bi-weekly) practice of checking in on your relationships and life to assess how things are unfolding, make amends, and practice repentance for any actions that have gone off track.
Share your current difficulties or what’s ‘alive’ for you with close relationships to provide context, preventing others from taking things personally or projecting assumptions due to unknown backstories.
Parents should practice humility by expressing regret to their children, as this validates the children’s experiences and reduces hierarchical barriers, fostering a healthier relationship.
Consciously seek out the good in others, as this practice activates and strengthens your own positive mental ‘seeds,’ leading to a snowball effect of increased positivity and insight.
Regularly ask yourself and others, ‘Do I know you enough? Do I understand you enough?’ and use opportunities to express appreciation for aspects you may have overlooked, thereby deepening your understanding and relationship.
Participate in group appreciation practices, as witnessing others express gratitude can strengthen your own ‘wholesome seeds’ and positive consciousness.
Simply express what you genuinely care about in others, as this can be done informally and strengthens connections.
When engaging in relationship discussions, use a timer to ensure each person has equal speaking time, promoting fairness and structured communication.
Actively cultivate a regular practice of gratitude, perhaps through guided meditations, as it is a skill that can be improved over time.
Acknowledge when your actions have caused harm or inconvenience to others, ensuring they know you recognize the impact and intend to avoid repeating it.
Express your regrets even if you’re unsure of their impact, as this can release personal burdens and provide an opportunity to clarify if your perceptions of how things landed for others are accurate.
Regularly engage in practices like ‘Beginning Anew’ to keep relationships fresh, prevent difficulties from escalating, and avoid irreparable damage.
When you feel a temptation to dismiss something, recognize that this often indicates there’s something worth investigating underneath, suggesting you should explore it further.