How To Handle Your Demons | Richard Schwartz

Mar 31, 2025 1h 10m 16 insights

Make peace with the difficult parts of your personality. <a href="https://ifs-institute.com/">Dr. Richard Schwartz</a> is a contemporary psychotherapist, PhD in marriage and family therapy. He founded the Internal Family Systems Model (IFS) therapy system and has authored many books, most recently: <a href="https://www.soundstrue.com/products/the-internal-family-systems-workbook?srsltid=AfmBOopy0J4QesMOMlQXrr9LWJvDEj4Taw7SNyJcBdnMjF-dERKeQ5CP"> The Internal Family Systems Workbook</a>. In this episode we talk about: <ul> <li dir="ltr">What Internal Family Systems (IFS) is</li> <li dir="ltr">The relationship between buddhism and IFS</li> <li dir="ltr">How to make peace with our parts without a therapist in the room </li> <li dir="ltr">Dan volunteers as a guinea pig to show what it's like to work with your parts</li> <li dir="ltr">The definition of love</li> <li dir="ltr">The link between IFS and psychedelics</li> </ul> Related Episodes: <ul> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/how-and-why-to-hug-your-inner-dragons-3e5?utm_source=publication-search"> How (and Why) to Hug Your Inner Dragons | Richard Schwartz</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/how-to-get-out-of-your-head-willa-e6f?utm_source=publication-search"> How to Get Out of Your Head | Willa Blythe Baker</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/kryptonite-for-the-inner-critic-kristin-9cc?r=4duxik"> Kryptonite for the Inner Critic | Kristin Neff</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/self-compassion-aint-always-soft-1e6?r=4duxik"> Self-Compassion Ain't Always Soft | Kristin Neff</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/the-voice-in-your-head-ethan-kross-495?r=4duxik"> The Voice in Your Head | Ethan Kross</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/the-science-of-burnout-and-how-to-071?r=4duxik"> The Science Of Burnout — And How To Recharge From Stress | Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/the-science-of-emotion-regulation-932?r=4duxik"> The Science of Emotion Regulation: How It Impacts Health, Performance, and Relationships. | Ethan Kross</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/lessons-from-the-worlds-longest-scientific-62f?utm_source=publication-search"> Lessons From the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness | Dr. Robert Waldinger</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/the-art-of-growing-up-jerry-colonna-713?utm_source=publication-search"> The Art of Growing Up, Jerry Colonna</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/the-art-and-science-of-the-worlds-c8a?utm_source=publication-search"> The Art and Science of the World's Gooiest Cliche | Barbara Fredrickson</a></li> </ul> Sign up for Dan's newsletter <a href="http://www.danharris.com">here</a> Follow Dan on social: <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5">Instagram</a>, <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J">TikTok</a> Ten Percent Happier online <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY">bookstore</a> Subscribe to our <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD">YouTube Channel</a> Our favorite playlists on: <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT">Anxiety</a>, <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF">Sleep</a>, <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J">Relationships</a>, <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc">Most Popular Episodes</a> Additional Resources: <ul> <li dir="ltr"> <a href="https://www.soundstrue.com/products/the-internal-family-systems-workbook?srsltid=AfmBOopy0J4QesMOMlQXrr9LWJvDEj4Taw7SNyJcBdnMjF-dERKeQ5CP"> The Internal Family Systems Workbook</a> is part of the new Sounds True Inner Workbooks series, which currently includes <a href="https://www.soundstrue.com/products/the-nervous-system-workbook?srsltid=AfmBOoqbusIkKoIUHMkBdWYVoJHeu-ohgyozENu3lbeOPQSy9okBrrR4"> The Nervous System Workbook</a> by Deb Dana and <a href="https://www.soundstrue.com/products/the-healing-anxiety-workbook?srsltid=AfmBOoqO6E2tW_QOb_2ZBEs_lbQCjSX9Nb54ZUKYao4dTkIHQ4Js1WDi"> The Healing Anxiety Workbook</a> by Sheryl Lisa Finn, with more titles planned. </li> </ul>

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Actionable Insights

1. Relate to Parts from “Self”

Recognize that you have various inner “parts” and strive to relate to them from your “Self” (capital S), which is described as the sanest, calmest, clearest, and most compassionate aspect of the human mind.

2. Name Inner Parts, Build Relationships

Give names to your inner characters or “parts” (e.g., critic, hustler) and then actively create relationships with them, as this concept has been massively helpful for managing internal patterns.

3. Be Active Inner Parent/Leader

Move beyond just observing thoughts and emotions (mindfulness) to become an active inner parent, attachment figure, or leader for your parts, expressing love and reassuring them that you can handle things, allowing them to release their burdens.

4. Practice “U-Turn” for Triggers

When triggered by an external event, perform a “U-turn” by pausing, focusing inward, noticing the protector part that arose, getting curious about it, asking it to separate, and learning what exile it’s protecting, then respond from your “Self” or communicate vulnerably about the impact.

5. Work with Protectors, Get Help for Exiles

Work on your own to get to know and honor your “protector” parts; if you encounter an “exile” (a deeply hurt, vulnerable part), acknowledge its pain and desire to help it, then seek a therapist for the deeper healing steps.

6. Feed/High-Five Inner “Demons”

Instead of fighting your inner “demons” (protective parts), “feed” or “high-five” them by welcoming and acknowledging them with compassion, which helps them calm down, relax, and transform.

7. Embrace Parts for Meditation

Instead of trying to shoo away “ego” or other parts during meditation, embrace them with love and compassion to achieve greater cooperation and effectiveness in your practice.

8. Address Stuck, Raw Inner Parts

Avoid “spiritual bypass” and actively engage with the raw, vulnerable parts of yourself that are stuck in past trauma to help them heal and move forward.

9. Follow IFS “F” Steps for Self-Inquiry

To engage with a part, follow these steps: 1) Focus and Find it in your body, 2) Feel Toward it (assess your feelings), 3) Ask Interfering Parts for Space to get curious, 4) Befriend it by expressing appreciation and building trust, 5) Flesh Out by asking what it wants you to know, and 6) inquire about its Fears or what it’s protecting.

10. Receive Intuitive, Not Intellectual, Answers

When asking questions of your parts, ensure the answers come from an intuitive, bodily place (“don’t think”) rather than allowing your intellectual or “thinking part” to intervene and provide the answers.

11. Check for Legacy Burdens

When exploring a part’s fears or motivations, ask if it carries the energy or burdens of someone else (e.g., an ancestor), as some anxieties and patterns can be absorbed through generations.

12. Offer Unburdening to Parts

Let the part know that if it wishes to unload its burden (e.g., terror, fear), there is a way for that to happen, allowing it to transform into a more preferred role within you.

13. Unburden Parts to End Terror

Understand that through the unburdening process, it is possible to transform and eliminate the terror carried by parts, preventing that reaction from occurring ever again.

14. Utilize IFS Workbook for Self-Therapy

Use the Internal Family Systems Workbook to practice IFS therapy on your own, especially if you don’t have access to a trained therapist.

15. Utilize Guided IFS Meditations

Use guided meditations, either written in the workbook or recorded (e.g., “Greater Than the Sum of the Parts,” “No Bad Parts” audio version), to walk yourself through the IFS process and work with your inner parts.

16. Get Protector Permission for Psychedelics

Before engaging in psychedelic medicine, spend sessions asking for permission from your protector parts and addressing their fears, and do not proceed if they do not give permission to avoid backlash reactions.