Recognize that shame is a toxic and fundamentally untrue belief that you are inherently bad or don’t deserve to exist; it has no useful purpose.
Differentiate between shame/guilt (self-focused and paralyzing) and wise remorse (acknowledging mistakes, making amends, and learning). Use self-compassion to move from shame to wise remorse, recognizing mistakes without deeming yourself ‘holistically horrible’.
Aim for ‘complete experiences’ by being fully present, settled, concentrated, clear, and equanimous with whatever arises. This metabolizes old patterns and prevents new reactivity, leading to healing and peace.
Practice Shinzen Young’s ‘see in, feel in, hear in’ method to gain clarity on thinking. Identify where visual thoughts appear, where inner talk is heard, and where emotional body sensations are felt, then track these three components.
The ’trunk’ of practice is not stillness, but consistently being present, accepting what is happening, letting go of distracting thoughts, and returning to your chosen object of attention.
When shame arises, practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a child. Concurrently, work with a trauma therapist to understand and heal the underlying origins of the shame.
Instead of reacting quickly to fix or control, cultivate a relaxed and receptive attitude. Allow what’s happening before consciously choosing to engage or return to a home base.
When challenging emotions arise, welcome them with curiosity, inviting them in as if making space for a guest. Investigate their sensations and changes without judgment, shifting attention if overwhelming and returning when resourced.
Instead of trying to manage or control difficulties with tightness, practice softening, slowing down, and allowing things to be. Ask ‘What’s happening right now?’ and ‘Can I allow this?’ to create space and bring a peaceful, allowing attitude.
Recognize that meditation is not the only tool for working with sticky stories and trauma. Integrate therapy, community, and other healing modalities as appropriate for your specific challenges.
Unexamined thoughts can feel all-encompassing, but when examined, they reveal their insubstantiality, becoming ’little more than nothing’.
When you notice thinking, actively ‘go looking for the thought’ to observe its insubstantiality and ephemeral nature, which can be liberating.
Instead of getting upset when carried away by thoughts (the ‘whale’), cultivate interest in how thoroughly thoughts can hijack your attention.
Approach all meditation experiences, whether blissful or challenging, as passing mind states, like meteorology, without craving or clinging to any particular outcome.
If you are suffering, it indicates a lack of mindfulness. By being mindful of even unpleasant experiences and stories, the actual pain diminishes.
Recognize that emotions like grief are natural parts of the human experience and not inherently ‘bad’. It’s your relationship to them that can make them problematic.
Understand that hindrances (craving, aversion, restlessness, sloth, doubt) have intelligent counterparts. Practice relating to your life consciously rather than through unconscious, reactive habits.
Avoid bringing expectations to meditation, as anticipating a certain experience or performance on the cushion leads to suffering and disappointment.
The quality of a meditation session is measured by your level of awareness for whatever experience is present, not by the nature of the experience itself.
Understand that inhibitions and self-consciousness are creations of your own mind, not external reality. You can therefore notice and work with them internally.
Become aware of where self-consciousness manifests in your body and ‘dance with it’ by moving around it, playing with it, or simply noticing it. This creates space instead of collapsing into it.
If you have ADHD or similar neurodivergence, prioritize movement practices (yoga, swimming, Qigong, dancing) over stillness. Move ‘at the speed of awareness’ to cultivate presence in a way that aligns with your wiring.
Remember that remorse focuses on an action (‘I did something terrible’), while shame focuses on identity (‘I am terrible’).
Recognize that the ultimate fruit of practice is increased freedom, liberation, and a greater sense of possibility. This allows you to move more freely in all areas of life.
Meditating as a group or having friends who take meditation seriously is incredibly powerful, supported by science, and can enhance your practice.
When old, sticky stories arise, use the compassion cultivated in meditation to settle yourself and prevent the story from escalating. Accept its presence without needing to change it.
Practice leaning into yourself and providing the same kind of friendship and support you would offer to a friend.
Connecting with others who share similar struggles provides human connection and a sense of shared experience, which is inherently healing.
For repetitive or intrusive thoughts, gently label them ‘dead end’ (as in, ‘is this useful?’) or ‘up and out’ to avoid entanglement, ensuring the labeling isn’t hostile.
Recognize when you’re caught in an ‘affective realism’ or ‘mood tunnel’ where emotions color all perceptions. Patiently work to see the underlying ’thing’ you’re in.
Having friends who also meditate or take spiritual practice seriously is incredibly powerful, as it allows you to do ’this stuff in the HOV lane’.
If you find your mind wandering easily with eyes closed, try meditating with a soft, open gaze. The visual world can help crowd out thinking and provide a sense of space.
Don’t limit meditation to sitting still with eyes closed; explore walking and standing practices to find what works best for you and to stay with difficult emotions.
Engage in walking meditation, even at a slow-ish pace. The body’s movement through space can help you catch thoughts as they arise.
Healing from deep-seated stories and patterns through meditation requires patience, as it’s an organic, long-term process.
Recognizing your own subtle aversions or missteps in practice is a sign of mindfulness and interest, which is the opposite of delusion, and indicates progress.
Recognize that dance has historically been a universal way to connect to freedom across cultures and generations. Consider reconnecting with it as a practice.
View dancing as a fertile ground to track and notice feelings of self-consciousness, group safety, and societal norms you’ve internalized.
To encourage others, fearlessly act ’like an idiot’ or set a very low bar for participation. This gives others permission to drop their inhibitions and join in.
To help people drop inhibitions, especially in dance, create an environment with low lights or other elements that make people feel less observed and judged.
View dance as a direct expression of your inherent freedom or ‘Buddha nature’, allowing it to be a liberating practice.
Consciously embody the adage ‘dance like no one’s watching’ when dancing, actively bringing that mindset to the forefront.
Engage in ‘Ecstatic Dance’ or similar practices in comfortable spaces to drop inhibitions, allow freedom of movement, and experience cathartic emotional release.
Engage in contemplation of sound by sitting and listening without naming or conceptualizing what you hear. Simply be present with the auditory experience.
To overcome self-consciousness in dance, participate in or organize structured group dances where the focus is on collective movement and learning steps, rather than individual free expression.
Practice and model self-compassion not just for your own benefit, but also to teach and demonstrate healthy emotional responses to those around you, especially children.