How To Handle the Parts of Yourself That You Wish Didn't Exist | Satya Doyle Byock

1. Explore Unconscious for Wholeness

Spend time exploring parts of yourself that are not in the light (the shadow) and bring them into consciousness to become a more whole, moral, and creative human, and improve relationships.

2. Integrate, Don’t Repress

Instead of avoiding, repressing, or suppressing aspects of yourself, aim for relationship and integration with them over time to achieve a full self.

3. Witness Your Unconscious Self

Bring presence and attention to your deeper, unseen unconscious self, as making it feel seen and witnessed can lead to deep relief and often resolve symptoms that arise from a lack of listening.

4. Map Your Inner Selves

Use two pieces of paper to fully describe and name your ‘wild/meaning-seeking’ side and your ‘civilized/safety-seeking’ side, giving each a complete personality (relationships, clothes, music, home) to foster relationship and balance between them instead of constant tension.

5. Define Ideal Inner Balance

Create a second pie chart to define the ideal balance of power you intuitively desire between your ‘wild’ and ‘civilized’ inner selves, recognizing that a 50-50 split may not be ideal and that both parts contribute to your wholeness.

6. Assess Current Inner Balance

Create a pie chart to visualize the current balance of power between your ‘wild’ and ‘civilized’ inner selves over a specific period (e.g., a week or month) to understand who is currently driving your life.

7. Adjust Actions for Inner Balance

Compare your current and ideal inner balance pie charts, then identify specific, actionable steps (e.g., a trip, daily practices) to integrate both sides of yourself and bring your actual balance closer to your desired ideal.

8. Approach Shadow with Curiosity

Instead of focusing on ‘bad’ or ‘dark’ aspects of your shadow self in a moralistic way, approach them with curiosity, like getting to know characters in a novel, to bring them into conversation and foster understanding.

9. Understand Through Causes/Conditions

View your own past mistakes and those of others through the lens of causes and conditions, which fosters compassion and understanding, allowing you to approach difficulties without unnecessary rage, while still taking responsibility.

10. Resist Without Vilifying Opponents

Apply the lens of causes and conditions to people you disagree with, even political opponents, to resist their actions without vilifying them, fostering understanding without condoning harmful behavior.

11. Start a Dream Journal

Keep a journal and pen by your bed and write down your dreams immediately upon waking, in the present tense, before looking at your phone, to capture the stories unfolding in your unconscious and potentially alleviate unnameable moods.

12. Capture Any Dream Fragment

If you have many dreams, write down just one; if you have none, pay attention for a week and write down even a tiny image, as capturing a small piece can often lead to more dreams surfacing.

13. Identify Dream Themes

After recording several dreams, review them to identify recurring themes, images, colors, characters, or locations, as this awareness can lead to small revelations and enhance self-understanding.

14. Resolve Internal Sabotage

If you frequently dream of being late or not arriving, consider that your unconscious might be revealing an internal conflict where one part of you is sabotaging a conscious goal; address this inner ‘civil war’ by giving that interrupting part time and space.

15. Embrace Meaning in Coincidences

When experiencing meaningful coincidences (synchronicity), allow for the possibility that they are meaningful rather than dismissing them as mere chance, as this can add sacredness and importance to your life.