Actively make decisions rather than drifting, as not deciding is itself a choice that can lead to missed opportunities; mindfully grapple with choices to ensure you’re not just going with the default or easier course.
Pay special attention to anything you lie about or try to hide, as it’s a strong indicator that your actions are in conflict with your values, providing valuable information for self-reflection and potential change.
Make people happier by acknowledging their unhappy feelings (e.g., “that sounds frustrating,” “that really hurt your feelings”) rather than denying or trying to fix them, as people primarily want to feel validated and understood.
Pay close attention when people repeat themselves, as it indicates what truly matters to them; if you haven’t acknowledged their point, they will continue to repeat it until they feel heard and understood.
To avoid conflict and ensure tasks are completed, assign specific responsibilities rather than sharing tasks, as shared tasks often lead to individuals overestimating their contribution and others shirking responsibility.
To counteract forgetting wisdom from podcasts or books, use memorable little phrases (aphorisms) that capture the wisdom and pop into your mind when needed, acting as “earworms” to guide behavior.
When at a crossroads, make decisions that lead to a “bigger life,” which for some families might mean taking on more responsibility and growth, while for others it might mean less responsibility for more freedom.
Be wary of conventional wisdom, as societies can be wrong for very long periods without noticing; consistently re-examine beliefs and practices, especially if there’s no clear evidence supporting them.
Remember that it’s okay to ask for help, even if it feels difficult or counterintuitive, as seeking information or assistance from others can be a more effective way to solve problems than trying to figure everything out alone.
When having a challenging conversation, do it while walking, as people often speak more freely side-by-side, the walk provides a natural beginning and end, and the physical activity helps manage nervous energy and promotes calmness.
Remember that “one day now will be a long time ago” to appreciate the present moment more deeply, recognizing that current experiences, whether good or bad, are temporary and will pass.
If something is important, try to do it every single day, as it can be easier to maintain a daily habit than to do it “some days,” ensuring it stays top-of-mind and doesn’t drift away.
Make a list of 20 things you want to do each year (e.g., “25 for 25”) to ensure important aims are not forgotten, and check on it periodically, such as on “halfway day.”
Select a theme for the year (e.g., “salt,” “bigger,” “door”) to provide focus and a framework for personal growth and understanding current life transitions.
Recognize that working the hardest or putting in the most hours doesn’t automatically mean you’re doing the best work or making the biggest contribution; focus on what is essential and effective rather than just the grind.
Be aware that a lot of work, especially in teams or relationships, is “invisible” to others; acknowledge that people tend to prioritize what they perceive as important, and what you don’t see might still be a significant contribution.
If you take credit for successes, you must also be prepared to accept blame for failures, as responsibility encompasses both positive and negative outcomes.
When someone expresses a desire that cannot be fulfilled, give them their “wish and fantasy” by acknowledging their desire and expressing empathy (e.g., “I wish I could wave a wand and give you all the eggs”), showing understanding and presence.
When disagreeing with others, use the phrase “love no matter what” to remember that everyone acts out their conditioning, fostering understanding and compassion rather than anger.
When caught in angry inner diatribes or unproductive thought patterns, use the phrase “dead end” to interrupt the cycle and recognize that the path leads nowhere.
Use concise, crystallized aphorisms to clarify thinking and improve memory of important insights, as their condensed nature helps them stick in the mind and influence thoughts better.
Create an “album of now” by taking pictures of your current surroundings, like rooms, fridge contents, or street, to capture ordinary details that will become interesting and memorable in the future.
When feeling lost or unsure of what to do with yourself, go outside or go to sleep, as these simple actions often provide clarity, calm, or a fresh perspective.
If you’re dreading a family occasion, bring a guest, as the presence of an outsider can often encourage difficult family members to behave better due to “company manners.”
Be mindful that others may not be as interested in your hobbies or travels as they appear; share a cute story or two, but then let it go to avoid boring people, recognizing that humor often masks disinterest.
When struggling for a conversation topic or needing to recall someone’s activities, ask “What’s keeping you busy these days?” as it allows people to share what they want and can provide useful information.
If there’s a chance someone might not remember your name, reintroduce yourself, as it’s always helpful and prevents awkwardness, especially in situations with many people or cognitive overload.
During intense face-to-face conversations or conflicts, hold someone’s hand or maintain physical contact (e.g., knees touching) to make it harder to yell and foster a sense of connection and calm.