<p dir="ltr">A conversation with self-described "worry warrior" <a href="https://www.bartvanmelik.com/">Bart van Melik</a> about working skillfully with everyday anxiety.</p> <p dir="ltr">Bart is a guiding teacher at the <a href="https://www.cmc-ny.org/">Community Meditation Center</a> in New York and our Teacher of the Month for January. In this conversation with executive producer DJ Cashmere, he gets refreshingly honest about his own tendency to worry — and shares a bunch of practical tools for when your mind won't stop spinning through worst-case scenarios.</p> <p dir="ltr">We talk about:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">Why mindful breathing sometimes doesn't work (and what to do instead)</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">The practice phrase "this wants to be seen right now"</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">How to work with your aversion to worrying (which can be worse than the worry itself)</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">Why talking about your fears with other people is so crucial</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">The question "what is this?" as a low-barrier entry point to awareness</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">How the Buddha's teaching on clinging shows up in anxious thinking</p> </li> <li dir="ltr"> <p dir="ltr">Why community and sangha aren't optional extras</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">If you want more from Bart, check out the <a href="https://app.danharris.com/membership">10% with Dan Harris app</a> where he's got meditations and live sessions throughout January.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Get the 10% with Dan Harris app <a href="https://app.danharris.com/membership">here</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Sign up for Dan's free newsletter <a href="http://www.danharris.com/">here</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Follow Dan on social: <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5">Instagram</a>, <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J">TikTok</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Subscribe to our <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD">YouTube Channel<br /> <br /></a></p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit <a href="https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris">https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris</a></p> <p> </p>
Actionable Insights
1. Befriend Yourself and Mind
Approach your practice with the ultimate goal of making friends with yourself and your mind, rather than trying to eliminate difficult feelings.
Actively engage in community and share your fears and worries with other people, as this is fundamental for recognizing and working with difficult emotions.
3. Ask ‘What Is This?’
When you feel tension or are stuck in your mind, ask yourself the simple question, ‘What is this?’ to cultivate curiosity and snap out of identification with the feeling.
4. Acknowledge Worry: ‘Here Again’
When worry arises, pause and acknowledge its presence by saying, ‘Here you are again,’ which helps create space from the worrying thought.
5. Acknowledge Worry: ‘Wants to Be Seen’
During meditation or when worry appears, tell yourself, ‘This wants to be seen right now,’ allowing the feeling to be present without needing to understand its origin.
6. Ask ‘What Would Kindness Do?’
When experiencing worry, ask yourself, ‘What would kindness do right now?’ to shift your perspective towards self-compassion and hold the feeling gently.
7. Feel Aversion to Worry
Sense into and fully feel your aversion or hatred towards worrying, allowing yourself to experience this unpleasant feeling completely, which can lead to softening.
8. Identify Physical Sensations
Name and locate the physical sensations of worry in your body, such as curled toes, to connect with its bodily manifestation.
9. Be Honest About Fears with Kids
Be frank and honest with your children about your own fears, offering a great gift of openness that can help them process their own anxieties.
10. Observe Clinging to Opinions
Notice when you are clinging to your opinions, especially when in states of worry, confusion, or delusion, as this clinging can perpetuate suffering.
11. Combine Practice and Community
If you feel the tendency to isolate, sit for five minutes, and then revisit the question of who you could reach out to, embracing both individual practice and community engagement.
12. Consistently Participate in Groups
Strongly consider consistently showing up for a group of people, even online, as community provides essential support for your practice.
13. Maintain Weekly Connections
Cultivate weekly connections with a group or a friend to discuss your experiences, as ongoing dialogue is crucial for support and understanding.
14. Recall Group Support Benefits
When you feel disinclined to join a group, recall how past group experiences were supportive, as collective practice can be empowering.
15. Try Mindful Breathing
Utilize mindful breathing as a tool to work with worry, though be aware that it may not always be effective.
16. Don’t Be Discouraged by Not Knowing
Do not be discouraged if you don’t immediately know the answer to ‘What is this?’, as the act of asking the question itself is beneficial.