Practice radical candor by simultaneously showing genuine personal care for someone while also directly challenging their behavior or work. This combination is essential for effective communication and growth.
Always gauge how your feedback is being received by the listener and adjust your approach (more care or more directness) based on their response. This ensures your message lands effectively and is heard.
Prioritize asking for feedback from others about your own behavior before you offer criticism to them. This demonstrates humility, builds trust, and proves you can accept feedback yourself.
Integrate frequent, short, impromptu feedback conversations (both praise and criticism) into your weekly interactions, rather than saving them for formal reviews. This prevents feedback debt and makes communication more natural and effective.
Clearly articulate your positive intention when giving feedback, stating that you are doing so because you care about the person or the relationship. This helps the listener receive difficult messages with less defensiveness.
Do not withhold direct, necessary feedback out of a desire to be ’nice’ or to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, even when you care personally. This seemingly empathetic approach can ultimately be more damaging than directness.
When challenging someone directly, always ensure you are also demonstrating personal care. Challenging without care leads to obnoxious aggression, which causes harm and creates workplace drama.
Do not become indirect, passive-aggressive, or engage in backstabbing when you realize you’ve been too aggressive or fear confrontation. This behavior, known as manipulative insincerity, is the worst form of communication.
Acknowledge and forgive yourself for the inherent difficulty of giving feedback, recognizing that societal conditioning (‘be professional,’ ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say’) makes it challenging. This self-compassion helps overcome mental blocks.
Reframe the act of delivering difficult feedback as an act of compassion for the other person’s growth and well-being, rather than solely an act of courage. This perspective can be more inspiring and prevent cruel delivery.
Do not delay giving candid feedback, even to new acquaintances, under the assumption that a relationship must be fully established first. Trust is built through early acts of honesty and clarity.
Engage in the ’labor’ of giving difficult but necessary feedback, as this active engagement in the relationship can actually generate deeper care and connection over time. This principle suggests that action can precede emotion.
Consciously choose to overlook minor annoyances or things that are not truly important or within your purview to change, aiming to leave three unimportant things unsaid daily. This helps maintain healthy relationships and focuses energy on significant issues.
Take personal responsibility for managing your own quirks and sensitivities in a professional setting. At work, you should manage your own neuroses rather than expecting others to accommodate them.
Assume that radical candor will generally lead to positive outcomes (nine out of ten times), and don’t let the fear of rare negative reactions prevent you from practicing it. This helps overcome negativity bias.
As a leader, break down the complex problem of workplace injustice into its component parts: bias, prejudice, and bullying. This allows for targeted and more effective interventions rather than feeling overwhelmed.
As a leader, roll out ‘bias disruptors’ on your team by establishing a shared vocabulary for flagging bias, a shared norm for responding when bias is pointed out, and a shared commitment to flag bias in every meeting. This creates a safe environment for addressing unconscious bias.
As a leader, write a clear code of conduct for your team that explicitly defines the line between personal beliefs and unacceptable prejudiced behaviors or statements. This provides clear boundaries and a basis for addressing prejudice.
As a leader, establish clear conversational, compensation, and career consequences for bullying behavior. This deters bullying, protects team collaboration, and prevents the promotion of ‘brilliant jerks.’
When receiving feedback that you’ve caused harm, listen actively, apologize genuinely without immediately defending your intent, and take steps to make things right. This acknowledges impact and addresses the harm effectively.
When your bias is pointed out, manage shame by saying ‘Thank you for pointing it out’ and, if unclear, ask for clarification later (‘Can you explain it to me after the meeting?’). This allows for learning without defensiveness.
After bias is pointed out, take personal responsibility to research and understand the nature of the bias, rather than placing the entire educational burden on the person who flagged it. This fosters self-awareness and habit change.
Cultivate open-mindedness and regularly examine your own deep-seated beliefs and assumptions, especially when prejudice is pointed out. This helps uncover unconscious views and promotes personal growth.
If you are harmed by workplace injustice, consciously evaluate the costs of remaining silent versus the benefits of speaking up, rather than defaulting to silence. This helps reclaim agency and avoid long-term negative impacts.
When encountering bias, use an ‘I’ statement (e.g., ‘I think we should switch seats’) to gently shift the dynamic and invite understanding from your perspective. This is effective for unconscious bias.
When encountering prejudice, use an ‘it’ statement (e.g., ‘It is illegal,’ ‘It is an HR violation’) to state a fact or principle, avoiding arguments about conscious beliefs. This grounds the response in established rules.
When encountering bullying, use a ‘you’ statement (e.g., ‘You can’t talk to me like that,’ ‘What’s going on for you here?’) or change the subject to assert control and push the bully away. This avoids inviting the bully closer.
Release the pressure to formulate a perfect response when addressing injustice. The goal is to speak up and take action, not to have an ideal reaction.
Implement checks and balances within organizational structures and governance to mitigate the negative effects of power combined with bias, prejudice, and bullying. This prevents discrimination, harassment, and violence.