Focus on cultivating high-quality relationships, as research strongly suggests this is the most important variable for overall happiness.
Develop self-awareness to take ownership of your feelings and discontent, recognizing they often stem from within rather than blaming others.
Practice meditation to develop individual self-awareness, emotional maturity, and the ability to slow down and not immediately react.
Work with the universe by embracing the truth that everything is constantly changing, and avoid clinging to things to prevent suffering.
Design the foundation of your relationships around clear, communicated commitments about how each partner’s happiness is supported, rather than silent expectations or attachments.
Give your partner the freedom to evolve, change, and blossom naturally, rather than trying to control them or forcing them to remain the same person.
Practice stable equanimity and non-reaction in meditation to stop creating new conditioning and allow old, hardened mental conditioning to dissipate.
Approach meditation retreats as a ‘mental gym’ to actively develop and strengthen awareness, non-reaction (equanimity), and compassion.
Understand that the ego and sense of self are not fundamentally real or solid, allowing you to freely let your identity evolve and change without rigid attachment.
Recognize that your future is created by your present actions; cultivate intentional habits and a daily practice to make better decisions and positively influence your life.
Learn to deal with, process, and let go of past pain or trauma so that you do not unintentionally pass it on to others in your proximity.
During arguments, listen selflessly to understand your partner’s perspective without thinking about how to retort or jump in, remembering they are not your enemy.
Employ reflective listening by repeating back your understanding of someone’s message in your own words to ensure you’ve truly heard them and to validate their communication.
Shift your language from ‘I am [emotion]’ to ’there is [emotion]’ or ‘[emotion] is moving through me’ to avoid over-identification and recognize the passing nature of feelings.
When strong emotions arise, literally slow down to feel what’s happening, allowing time to act skillfully rather than reactively.
Strive to make your compassion boundless, treating people well and confronting harm without hatred, understanding that even those who cause harm are struggling.
When confronting harm, take decisive action to stop it, but do so without hating the individual, as hatred is an unsustainable and self-destructive fuel.
Cultivate the ability to see and understand perspectives different from your own, recognizing this as a sign of intelligence and mental strength.
Do not put your own views on a pedestal; understand that all perspectives are imperfect to prevent division and foster understanding.
Recognize that love is an active practice and not merely a passive feeling, requiring continuous effort, learning, and development to care for someone compassionately.
Consciously design the ‘home’ of your relationship by shaping how you show up for each other, handle arguments, and foster a calm and safe environment.
Actively engage with a spiritual or meditative community (Sangha) as a crucial component of your practice, as it provides support and makes the path more enjoyable.
Commit to regular, longer meditation retreats (e.g., 15+ days) to sharpen the mind, deeply perceive impermanence, and accelerate the burning of conditioning.
Avoid abusing drugs and alcohol, as it is a way to avoid sadness and anxiety, and changing these habits is a crucial step towards personal healing.
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