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How To End The War With Your Body | Sonya Renee Taylor

Dec 23, 2024 59m 56s 25 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p>---</p> <p>"Radical self-love" — what it is and how to do it.</p> <p>It is incredibly common for many of us humans, whatever our gender, to be at war with our bodies -- trying to live up to the people we see in the movies, on social media, or even the versions of ourselves in old pictures. This never-enough-ness can lead to an ambient level of self-loathing that can be incredibly destructive. That's where "radical self-love" comes in.</p> <p>Our guest today is <a href="https://www.sonyareneetaylor.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Sonya Renee Taylor</a>. She is the author of three books, including The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. She is the Founder and Radical Executive Officer of The Body is Not An Apology. She has come to this work as a result of her own personal pain, as a Black woman inhabiting a body that she says does not conform to societal norms. </p> <p>In this conversation, we talk about defining radical self-love (and why she believes it's our natural state), tools for cultivating radical self-love, and the connection between being OK with yourself and the larger society.</p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="http://www.meditatehappier.com/podcast/tph/sonya-renee-taylor-rerun" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">www.meditatehappier.com/podcast/tph/sonya-renee-taylor-rerun</a></p> <p><strong>Additional Resources:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Download the <a href="https://my.meditatehappier.com/start/register?plan=com.10percenthappier.subscription_1year_9999.intro_7day_free&amp;_gl=1*1jdvhzx*_gcl_au*Mjk5MzA2MTAzLjE3MzQzNjAwNzMuMTA1NDcxODAxNi4xNzM0NTUwODU0LjE3MzQ1NTA4NTM." rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Happier Meditation app</a> today. </li> </ul> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Curb Skepticism, Listen Out

When encountering skeptical tendencies, curb them for a minute and listen to new perspectives, especially when wisdom and science are on their side, to avoid dismissing valuable insights.

2. Disengage Limiting Stories

To return to your inherent state of radical self-love, identify and actively disengage from the stories and feelings that are preventing you from connecting with your intrinsic worthiness.

3. Choose Discomfort for Growth

When facing discomfort, choose to embrace it in service of personal liberation and growth, rather than settling for familiar, unproductive discomfort that keeps you stuck.

4. Become Conscious of Thoughts

Begin by becoming conscious of your automatic thoughts and behaviors, especially those that operate on autopilot, to understand how you are moving through the world.

5. Interrupt Self-Blame, Choose New Story

When you notice a self-blaming thought (e.g., ‘my body is wrong’), interrupt it and consciously choose a new, alternative story or option, even if it feels uncomfortable initially.

6. Practice New Beliefs into Being

Consistently practice new thoughts and behaviors repeatedly, even if you don’t fully believe them at first, as this repetition will eventually transform them into your new way of being.

7. Repeat New Behaviors for Pathways

By the repetition of new behavior in the face of old thoughts, you create new neural pathways that then make it much easier to go to the new thought as default rather than the old one.

8. Retrain Mind on Body Judgments

Train your mind to think differently about bodies by noticing immediate judgments about your own and others’ bodies, slowing that judgmental process, and retraining your mind to adopt new perspectives.

9. Body as Ally, Not Enemy

Reframe your relationship with your body by viewing it as an ally working in solidarity with you, rather than an enemy, to make decisions together for your most authentic existence and highest good.

10. Make Peace with Not Understanding

Allow yourself to not understand certain things (e.g., how others desire) without creating false stories or judging them, recognizing that not knowing is not a personal failing.

11. Make Peace with Difference

Embrace difference as a natural part of the human ecosystem, rather than seeing it as a threat or a reason for scarcity, by intentionally evolving from thinking that doesn’t serve you.

12. Make Peace with Your Body

Accept and embrace the unique differences of your own body, recognizing that much body shame and judgment stems from societal norms about what is ’normal’ or ‘good.’

13. Notice External Self-Doubt Feeders

Be aware of external messages and influences that encourage self-doubt or deviation from radical self-love, as these ‘feeders’ reinforce old, default thoughts.

14. Return Injected Cultural Thoughts

Recognize that many negative self-perceptions or biases (isms and obias) are cultural imprints, not personal creations; acknowledge them, then consciously begin the process of ‘returning’ these unwanted, externally given thoughts.

15. Interrupt Uninterrogated Thoughts

Take responsibility for carrying around uninterrogated thoughts and cultural biases, and actively work to interrupt and challenge them to foster personal growth.

16. Reduce Shame with Self-Compassion

Cultivate self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love to reduce shame when confronting the ‘uglier’ aspects of your mind, recognizing they are your responsibility to address but not necessarily your fault for originating.

17. Give Yourself Grace

Offer yourself grace and compassion on the difficult journey of radical self-love, especially when you find yourself reverting to old loops or stories of not enoughness.

18. Love Your Imperfect Self

Practice loving the part of yourself that feels inadequate or self-loathing, rather than rejecting it, to build capacity for returning to a space of love and acceptance.

19. Acknowledge and Explore Resistance

When encountering resistance to self-love or new ideas, acknowledge its presence and cultivate curiosity about its underlying causes or fears.

20. Prioritize Choosing Yourself

Prioritize choosing yourself and your well-being, even if it means divesting from external validations that have rewarded disconnection from your true self.

21. Reclaim Your Full Humanity

Reclaim your full humanity by rejecting societal pressures that demand you exchange connection to self and others for external prizes and validation.

22. Fuel Ambition with Self-Love

Shift your ambition from being driven by feelings of ’not enoughness’ to being fueled by radical self-love, which connects you to your purpose, joy, and enthusiasm, creating a more sustainable engine.

23. Sustain Self-Love in Community

Actively engage in community to sustain your radical self-love journey, as individualism is an illusion and collective support is essential against societal and cultural pressures.

24. Spread Self-Love in Community

Share your radical self-love journey within a community to interrupt the contagious nature of body shame and instead foster the contagious nature of radical self-love.

25. Challenge Systems, Observe Outcomes

Actively challenge societal systems that perpetuate inequality or self-loathing, observing both the resistance encountered and the new opportunities that arise from this engagement.