Recognize that while shame and self-criticism might feel like motivators in the moment, studies show they are disempowering and hinder long-term change, akin to being stuck in a hole without a ladder.
To practice self-compassion, imagine what someone who believes in you and wants you to succeed would do or say, and then apply that same supportive perspective to yourself.
When you notice self-judgment or negative inner dialogue, bring present-moment awareness to it, take a breath, and acknowledge it as a moment of suffering without fighting it, just as you would for someone else.
To gain distance from self-criticism, remind yourself that your struggle is part of common humanity, recognizing that countless others face similar challenges, and draw strength from this shared experience.
When experiencing negative emotions, practice ‘affect labeling’ by clearly naming the specific feeling (e.g., ‘I am feeling guilty’) rather than judging the entire situation, as this creates distance and changes how you experience the emotion.
After a moment of self-judgment, choose a self-kind action that aligns with your deeper goals and motivations (e.g., connecting with a loved one, mindfully disposing of unhealthy food) to move beyond self-recrimination.
The most genuinely self-kind action is to take steps to make amends or get back on track in the direction of the goal that led to the self-judgment, rather than just soothing yourself externally.
Recognize that self-criticism often fixates on minor issues; sometimes the most important habit to cultivate is letting go of the need to control things that don’t significantly impact your well-being or life purpose.
Be wary of habits chosen by your inner critic, as these may not align with your true values and priorities, suggesting you might be focusing on the wrong habit for genuine well-being.
Recognize that when forming habits, your brain learns not just the behavior itself, but also the method of control, so avoid using shame or stigma as motivators to prevent building a habit of self-control through suffering.
Consider if the habit you are trying to form is truly the most impactful or if you might be focusing on the wrong habit, especially if it’s chosen by an inner critic rather than deep personal values.
Do not use shame and self-criticism as motivators for behavior change, as they are disempowering; instead, focus on finding joy in the process.
Understand that true joy in habit formation comes from meaning, so get clear on your deepest motivation for a new habit, as one reason will likely be more powerful than others.
Before forming a new habit, reflect on your most important life roles, relationships, personal goals, and the person you aspire to be, then connect the habit to these core values for powerful, enduring motivation.
Ensure the habits you choose are deeply believed to be beneficial and align with your core motivations, rather than just being ideas from external sources, as choosing the right habit is crucial for success.
Form new habits by identifying a motivation (Q), consistently practicing the desired behavior (Routine), and experiencing a reward for it, which reinforces the habit.
Seek out and maximize the intrinsic joy and pleasure within a new habit, such as making healthy food delicious or packing pleasure into the process of grocery shopping or cooking.
After completing a new habit or challenging activity, pause to savor the feeling of accomplishment and pride, celebrating and appreciating what you’ve done to more deeply ingrain the habit.
Take selfies after workouts or pictures of healthy meals as a way to slow down, celebrate your accomplishment, and acknowledge the version of yourself that completed the task, reinforcing the habit.
Recognize your environment’s influence and place physical reminders (e.g., sneakers out, a picture of a loved one) in your space to concretely support your goals and prompt desired behaviors or motivations.
Arrange your physical environment to concretely support your goals by having necessary items readily available (e.g., healthy food in the fridge, appropriate gear) to aid you when distracted or tired.
Seek social support for any desired change, either by finding someone who shares your goal and will do it with you, or by identifying individuals who believe in your goal and are willing to offer support.
When pursuing a goal with someone else, you can ‘outsource’ some willpower as they provide reminders, handle logistics, and offer the rewarding social contact that helps build the habit.
Identify supporters in your life and ask them for specific types of help, such as positive reminders, accountability, or celebrating successes, and request they avoid sabotaging behaviors.
Establish a morning practice of bringing awareness to your intention for the day, thinking about what you want to bring to that day (e.g., enthusiasm, full attention).
When setting intentions, focus on how you want to show up and be throughout the day (e.g., with full attention, giving people the benefit of the doubt) rather than just listing tasks or desired outcomes.
To establish a morning intention practice, set a reminder the night before or use your phone (e.g., a text message) to prompt you to think about a word or feeling you want to bring to the day.
Engage in an evening interdependence practice by reviewing your day, recalling everyone you interacted with, and mentally thanking them and expressing gratitude for their role in your day.
Engage in the benefactor practice by identifying people you’re grateful for, and then consciously try to move individuals from your neutral or ’enemy’ lists onto your benefactor list through compassion.
Practice Tonglen by visualizing breathing in suffering from the world, allowing it to touch your heart, and transforming it through compassion into positive qualities like hope or kindness to offer back.
Practice Tonglen spontaneously when you notice someone struggling (when direct help isn’t appropriate) or when you’re worried about something, by bringing to mind others dealing with amplified versions of that suffering.
While formal sit-down meditation sessions build mental skills, integrate practices into your daily rituals for a greater impact on the quality of your life.
For a year-long resolve, choose a single word or theme to guide your decisions and actions throughout the year, helping you align choices with your overarching intentions.
Regularly move your body through activities like working out, dancing, or walking, as it is beneficial for both your physical physiology and mental psychology.
Change the conversation and your personal mindset about movement from focusing solely on burning calories or losing weight, as this can diminish the inherent joy and other benefits of exercise.
If you’re seeking to reimagine what’s possible in your life, explore different forms of movement that can help you tap into that sense of expanded potential.
Engage in challenging exercise forms, even if you initially dislike them, as a practice for ‘being with’ discomfort and not escaping, which can help you overcome other fears or difficult situations in life.
When facing fear or anxiety (e.g., turbulence on a plane), listen to music from challenging exercise classes that evokes feelings of working hard, toughness, and determination.
Contract your muscles through exercise to secrete ‘hope molecules’ (myokines) into your bloodstream, which travel to your brain to increase resilience to stress, aid trauma recovery, and boost positive motivation and neuroplasticity.
View exercise as giving your brain an ‘intravenous dose of hope’ due to the myokines released by contracting muscles, which can act as a powerful prevention and treatment for depression.
Engage in exercise as you age to prevent and reverse the natural decline in your brain’s capacity for everyday joy, which tends to decrease with each decade.
Recognize that the psychological and social benefits of movement are accessible at every age and physical status, regardless of weight, disability, or health condition.
Instead of focusing on weight loss or body image, identify forms of movement that genuinely inspire you, capture your interest, or that you enjoyed as a child.
Allow yourself to believe that movement can be better than expected, offering a chance to discover a beloved aspect of yourself, or simply be fun and meaningful.
Identify activities you already enjoy (e.g., being outdoors, listening to music, spending time with people) and find ways to integrate movement into them, creating an opportunity to experience both joys simultaneously.
Commit to an exercise routine for at least six weeks, as this is the approximate time it takes for your brain to adapt and for you to genuinely start wanting to exercise, making the process more enjoyable in the long run.
If you’re getting joy, connection, and meaning from other life practices, consider exercise as a way to specifically benefit your physical heart, even if it means choosing a harder workout that makes you feel accomplished afterward.
Seek external support for self-compassion by finding people in your life who believe in your potential and want you to thrive, or consider finding a coach or mentor to provide that external supportive perspective.
Understand self-compassion as the courageous act of believing in your capacity to change, reminding yourself of your values during pain points, and re-engaging with your goals even when it’s easier to give up.