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How To Be Grateful When Everything Sucks | DaRa Williams

Oct 28, 2020 59m 17s 16 insights
<p>In the face of the seemingly unremitting horrors of 2020, is it possible -- or wise -- to generate gratitude? My guest today argues: yes. DaRa Williams is a longtime practitioner and teacher of meditation. She is one of the guiding teachers at the Insight Meditation Society. She's also had a clinical mental health private practice in Manhattan for many years. DaRa Williams says, only semi-facetiously, that she believes gratitude can be considered the fifth Brahma Vihara. As you know, we've just wrapped up our special Election Sanity series here on the podcast, where we explored the ancient Buddhist list called the Four Brahma Viharas: loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. Speaking of Election Sanity, we're also running a special meditation challenge on the Ten Percent Happier app. Technically, it started yesterday, but it's not too late to join. It's only a week long, and it will help you stay engaged in this bananas election season without losing your mind. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today to get started. But back to gratitude, let's dive in now with DaRa Williams. Where to find DaRa Williams online: Dharmaseed: https://dharmaseed.org/teacher/611/ IMS: https://www.dharma.org/teacher/dara-williams/ Additional Resources: •   Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live •   Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide •   Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dara-williams-295</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Suffering as Inevitable

Recognize that suffering is an inherent part of life, as taught in Buddhist philosophy, and avoid the misperception that things should always be “great.” This mindset prevents additional suffering caused by wishing reality were different.

2. Cultivate Daily Gratitude

Start each day with simple gratitude for basic existence, like waking up with breath, or acknowledge small daily blessings such as hearing family members or enjoying a hot shower. This practice serves as a “cloak” to navigate daily difficulties.

3. Practice Acceptance of Reality

Open your heart and mind to the realization of “this is how it is” when facing difficult circumstances, rather than wishing things were different. This creates freedom and allows for discernment on whether action is needed or if the situation should be left alone.

4. Avoid “Second Arrow” Suffering

Recognize and avoid the self-inflicted suffering that comes from mental rumination, judgment, and “why me” narratives after an initial painful event. This prevents making inevitable suffering even more unbearable.

5. Prioritize Heart-Centered Being

Actively cultivate aspects of being that center in the heart, rather than solely relying on intellect and cognition. This brings balance and helps navigate challenges without doing harm to oneself.

6. Integrate Brahma Viharas for Gratitude

Engage in the ongoing practice of the four Brahma Viharas (love and kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity). This cultivation creates fertile conditions for gratitude to naturally manifest.

7. Practice Equanimity: Body & Thoughts

Cultivate equanimity by engaging with the body to read its energetic responses to circumstances and by using thoughts as guideposts. Intervene with thoughts of aversion without judgment, and either replace them with a felt sense of balance or drop beneath them to explore underlying reactions.

8. View Mental Content as Nature

Regard all arising thoughts, even seemingly negative or personal ones, as simply “nature” or the results of causes and conditions. This non-judgmental perspective fosters equanimity and removes stickiness from mental events.

9. Connect to Ancestral Gratitude

Generate immediate gratitude by remembering your ancestors who survived difficult times, managed challenges, and did what was necessary for their lineage to continue. This practice connects you to a broader sense of resilience and blessing.

10. Implement Gratitude Reminders

To knit gratitude into daily life, use simple physical reminders like a 3x5 card on the bathroom mirror or a “gratitude box” by your bed to write down and revisit grateful thoughts. These cues help establish the habit.

11. Use Music to Cultivate Gratitude

Listen to music that resonates deeply and brings forward a felt sense of gratitude and appreciation. Music can bypass the mind and go straight to the body to evoke these positive states.

12. Practice Moderation and Self-Care

Be mindful and committed to managing commitments, responsibilities, and time to ensure you are “used up but not fatigued” at the end of the day. This involves creating literal and psychological space for pause and rest.

13. Create Intentional Spaciousness

Take a stand for scheduling and communication by intentionally building in spaciousness and freedom for yourself, such as delaying responses to non-urgent requests. This prevents perpetual fatigue and supports presence.

14. Avoid Spiritual Bypass

Do not use spiritual practices, like gratitude, to pretend problems don’t exist or to avoid dealing with individual, collective, or historical challenges. Acknowledge difficulties while cultivating positive states.

15. Question Suffering’s ‘Wrongness’

When bad things happen and feel “wrong,” engage in self-inquiry by asking “why does it feel wrong?” This helps uncover subconscious assumptions that may be contributing to additional suffering.

16. Engage Skillfully with Thoughts

View thoughts and emotions as items on a “conveyor belt,” allowing you to discern which ones require action and which can be let go. Interact with them skillfully from a place of non-judgmental remove, warmth, and perspective.