<p>Data-driven, dharma-informed, Dan-tested strategies for improving relationships of all kinds. </p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>The value of having platonic friends in addition to your spouse or partner</li> <li>A key communication skill that Dan picked up from the writer and researcher Brené Brown</li> <li>How humor can help your relationships – and how it can hurt</li> <li>A cognitive reframe from couples therapist Esther Perel</li> <li>How to manage conflict in a healthy way</li> <li>And one of Dan's favorite Saturday Night Live sketches: <a href="https://youtu.be/9XOt2Vh0T8w?si=h-U78aY2nDg-rstR" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Man Park</a></li> </ul> <p> </p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p> </p> <p> </p>
Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Cultivate self-compassion by learning to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend, as this skill improves your inner well-being, increases compassion for others, and fosters an “upward spiral” in all your relationships and overall life flourishing.
2. Relationships Take Learnable Work
Understand that relationships require continuous work, but this work involves learnable and enjoyable skills that, when acquired, significantly improve your happiness and the quality of your life.
3. Love Through Active Care
Reframe your understanding of love by recognizing that actively taking care of someone and putting in the work for them can produce and deepen feelings of love, rather than love being a prerequisite for care.
4. Act on Generous Impulses
When an impulse to give a gift, compliment, or small gesture arises, act on that first instinct and disregard second thoughts, as this daily generosity prevents drifting and strengthens connections in your relationships.
5. Reframing Couples Counseling
View couples counseling as “good hygiene” or a “relational tune-up” for proactive improvement, rather than a last resort for a failing relationship, to enhance the quality of your partnership.
6. Nurture Platonic Friendships
Actively develop platonic relationships outside your primary romantic partnership, as data indicates these external sources of support strengthen the main relationship and provide necessary balance.
7. Question Certainty in Conflict
During conflict, remind yourself that “certainty is not an indicator of truth” to prevent unhealthy arguments fueled by an unquestioning belief in your own correctness.
8. Preface Accusations with “Story”
In conflicts, preface potential accusations with the phrase “Here’s the story I’m telling myself” to prevent activating the other person’s amygdala, fostering a more reasoned and compassionate dialogue.
9. Manage Chronic Relationship Dynamics
Recognize that some relationship issues are chronic “dynamics to be managed” rather than problems to be solved; name them, use playful code words, and aim for slight improvement each time they arise.
10. Strategic Humor Use
Use humor in relationships to lower tension and foster closeness, but be careful to avoid sarcasm, belittling, or deflecting from serious conversations, as these misuses can cause harm.