Seek to understand the truth of reality, particularly regarding impermanence and attachment, and hold this understanding with wisdom and acceptance. This approach allows you to experience pain without the added suffering (dukkha) that arises from confusion or resistance to reality.
Cultivate the insight that there is no solid, inherent self, recognizing it as an act of mercy towards yourself. This realization helps you stop taking yourself so seriously and reduces the basis for self-hatred and suffering.
Through meditation, observe your thoughts, recognizing their impermanence and contradictory nature, and understand that they are not your true self. This practice allows you to gain distance from negative self-talk and self-hatred, fostering greater self-kindness.
Define and practice self-love through concrete acts of self-care, such as feeding yourself, resting when tired, exercising, and seeking healthy ways to fill spiritual needs. This active form of “care” is a practical and achievable way to love yourself, rather than getting caught up in judging if you “deserve” love.
Instead of striving to feel love for everyone all the time, focus on practicing non-ill will towards others. This is a more achievable baseline for interaction, rooted in letting go, which is a core Buddhist teaching.
Apply insights gained from loving kindness meditation, such as the intention to handle situations with kindness or non-ill will, into your daily life beyond formal practice. This helps integrate spiritual practice into everyday actions, as insights are more enduring than impermanent feelings.
Practice living kindness by putting aside your own desires in the moment to do what others, especially those you care for (like children), wish or need. This active approach to selflessness is a direct way to practice loving kindness in relationships.
Practice compassion by consistently adhering to the five precepts: not killing, not stealing, not lying, not harming people sexually, and not using intoxicants to the point of heedlessness. These actions are fundamental acts of non-harming and contribute significantly to communal well-being.
Engage in traditional Metta practice by systematically repeating specific phrases (e.g., “May I be happy, peaceful, safe”) for yourself, dear ones, neutral people, difficult people, and then radiating kindness to all beings. This structured meditation helps develop loving feelings and keeps the mind focused.
When facing a difficult person, aim to let go of hatred and view them as a neutral person, rather than forcing yourself to feel love for them. This is a more practical and achievable step than instantly cultivating love for an enemy.
Acknowledge that feelings, including love, are impermanent and will naturally come and go. This mindset prevents self-judgment and the feeling of failure when you cannot sustain loving feelings constantly, allowing for a more realistic and sustainable practice.
Spend time in nature, observing elements like trees, birds, or clouds, to naturally evoke feelings of loving kindness. This simple practice can spontaneously trigger and foster feelings of warmth and connection.