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How (And Why) To Lose Yourself | Jay Garfield

Aug 10, 2022 59m 58s 16 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><em>---</em></p> <p><br /></p> <p>Today's episode looks at one of the hardest Buddhist principles to grasp— the notion that the self is an illusion. Many people get stuck on the misunderstanding that they don't exist. They look in the mirror and say, "Of course I exist. I'm right there." And that's true, you do exist, but just not in the way you think you do. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Today's guest, Jay Garfield explores this notion by arguing that you are indeed a person just not a self— a principle that can simultaneously feel both imponderable and liberating. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Jay Garfield is the Doris Silbert Professor in the Humanities and Professor of Philosophy, Logic, and Buddhist Studies at Smith College and a visiting professor of Buddhist philosophy at Harvard Divinity School. He is the Author of multiple books, including his latest, which is called, <a href="https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691220284/losing-ourselves" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Losing Ourselves: Learning to Live without a Self</em></a><em>.</em></p> <p><br /></p> <p>In this episode we talk about: </p> <p><br /></p> <ul> <li>The difference between a person and a self</li> <li>The problems with being taken by the illusion of selfhood</li> <li>Why he believes the illusion of self is <em>not</em> an evolutionary design flaw</li> <li>The many benefits of "losing ourselves"</li> <li>How to actually lose ourselves</li> <li>The concept of Interconnection</li> <li>His definition of real happiness</li> <li>The difference between pain and suffering and how to have the former without the latter</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jay-garfield-487" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jay-garfield-487</a></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Recognize Self-Illusion

Actively recognize and work to shed the illusion of a permanent, independent “self” to understand your true nature as a constantly changing, dependently arisen “person.” This dispels a dangerous cognitive illusion, helping you live more effectively and happily.

2. Cultivate Divine States (Brahma Viharas)

Practice the four Brahma Viharas: Maitri (spontaneous wishing well for others), Karuna (commitment to alleviate suffering), Mudita (sympathetic joy in others’ success), and Uzupeksha (impartiality towards all). This involves taking yourself out of the equation, fostering a moral landscape where your self is not the center, and ultimately leads to greater happiness and benefit to others.

3. Distinguish Brahma Vihara Enemies

When practicing the Brahma Viharas, be aware of their “near enemies” – partiality (for Maitri), sloppy sympathy (for Karuna), clannishness (for Mudita), and self-centered regard (for Uzupeksha). Actively distinguish these from true Brahma Viharas by ensuring your motivation is for the other’s sake, not your own comfort or group affiliation.

4. Live in a Flow State

Strive to live life in a “flow state” by shedding the self-illusion, allowing you to experience the world without a superimposed subject-object duality. This leads to more enjoyable, rewarding experiences and enables you to perform at your best, whether in work, sport, or conversation.

5. Distinguish Pain from Suffering

Understand that pain is not inherently suffering; suffering arises when aversion is added to pain. Practice techniques, such as those in mindfulness-based stress reduction, to remove aversion from pain, enabling you to experience physical discomfort without the added mental anguish.

6. Choose Your Meditation Practice

Select a meditation practice that aligns with your personality and learning style, whether it’s analytical, focused on moral attributes, or open awareness. Experiment with different approaches and consider consulting a qualified teacher to find what works best for you in shedding the self-illusion.

7. Deconstruct Powerful Emotions

When powerful aversive (anger, hostility) or attractive emotions arise, notice them, step back, and deconstruct them by questioning their appropriateness and effectiveness. This practice helps you calm down and become a more effective agent, as these emotions prevent you from being at your best.

8. Observe Negative Patterns with Warmth

Use practices like loving kindness meditation to observe your negative emotional patterns (e.g., rage, greed) with warmth and less personal identification. Recognize them as ancient, shared human tendencies rather than uniquely personal flaws, allowing you to respond more wisely and with less shame.

9. Bargain as a Person

Approach negotiations or bargaining as a social interaction between persons, rather than a cutthroat, zero-sum game driven by self-illusion. Engage with respect and a desire for a mutually agreeable outcome, leading to happier interactions for all involved.

10. Pursue Self-Interest Wisely

Pursue self-interest by focusing on the welfare of yourself as a “person” interconnected with others, rather than as a separate “self” whose interests are paramount. Recognize that your well-being is bound up with the well-being of others, leading to more appropriate and less egoistic actions.

11. Question Illusions

When an illusion (like the self-illusion or optical illusions) crops up, pause and question your perception, recognizing that things might appear differently from how they truly are. This allows for a more effective and accurate engagement with the world.

12. Strive for Spontaneity

Cultivate spontaneity by reducing self-conscious deliberation and the subject-object duality, which helps you act more effectively and be a happier, better version of yourself. This allows for a more natural and fluid engagement with life.

13. Recognize Flow States

When engaged in an activity, actively recollect your goal of attaining a flow state and tune into when you’ve achieved that experience. This helps you recognize and value moments where you “disappear” and are happiest, reinforcing the practice.

14. Practice Analytical Meditation

Engage in analytical meditation by focusing on a phenomenon (physical object, mind, conscious state) and deeply questioning its nature, origin, components, and interdependence. This helps you see it as an impermanent part of a web of dependent origination, rather than a substantial independent entity.

15. Live with Practice Paradox

When practicing to lose the self, be aware of the paradox that self-monitoring (“I’ve got it!”) can reinstate the self-illusion. Learn to live with this paradox, focusing on the practice itself rather than self-consciously evaluating your progress.

16. Take Individual Responsibility

Take personal responsibility to choose to live a happier, more helpful life, recognizing that this is the only thing you can control and your obligation. This individual effort helps you experience difficult planetary conditions in a less gruesome fashion and contributes to the collective good.