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Holding it Together When Things Fall Apart | Pema Chödrön

Feb 15, 2021 46m 32s 17 insights
We're now almost a full year into the era of Covid restrictions, and I suspect that many of you, as I am, are starting to internalize the fact that, notwithstanding the vaccines, there's likely a ways to go yet. And the mental health issues are piling up: The depression, anxiety, and addiction. Moms, people of color, and elderly people who can't see their families are among those getting hit especially hard. To inject a little sunshine, and perspective, and wisdom, we thought it might make sense to re-post one of our favorite conversations of the last year. Pema Chödrön has seemingly been trying to prepare us for this pandemic for years, through a series of popular books, with titles such as When Things Fall Apart, Welcoming the Unwelcome, and The Wisdom of No Escape. But as you will hear, she is anything but gloomy. Like all of the great meditation teachers I've met, she has a lightness and a sense of humor about her. She was born Deirdre Blomfield in Connecticut. She lived a conventional life, going to UC Berkeley, becoming a school teacher, and having a pair of kids. But after a rough divorce, she found herself adrift. During this time, she discovered Tibetan Buddhism, shaved her head, and became a nun. Now in her mid-eighties, she lives in rural Nova Scotia, where she is the director of Gampo Abbey. We connected with her — back in May — on an old-school landline. I was recording my half of the conversation from a closet in our erstwhile apartment in New York City, which at the time was the epicenter of the outbreak in America. We talked about how to actually welcome the unwelcome. We also discussed how to befriend your demons, sympathize without being stupid, lighten up in the face of fear, and embrace chaos as "extremely good news." One other thing: we would appreciate it if you could take a few minutes to help us out by answering a brand-new survey about your experience with this podcast. To do so, please go to https://www.tenpercent.com/survey. And thank you! Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/pema-chodron-repost
Actionable Insights

1. Prepare for Difficult Times

Train and work with difficulty when life is not intense, to build strength, resilience, and compassion, enabling you to be of benefit during future global challenges.

2. Practice Self-Awareness Meditation

Engage in a meditation practice to increase self-awareness, reflect on your own habitual patterns (such as fear or aggression), and understand your tendencies.

3. Cultivate Kindness to Patterns

When acknowledging your habitual patterns, cultivate a kind attitude towards them instead of making them an enemy or judging yourself negatively, without acting them out or repressing them.

4. Embrace Open Acceptance

Practice meditation with open acceptance of whatever arises, avoiding judgment or categorizing experiences as good or bad, to foster a non-reactive mindset.

5. Befriend Uncomfortable Feelings

Work to become comfortable and familiar with the unpleasantness or fear-producing quality of seeing yourself clearly, rather than running away from these feelings, to build resilience and confidence.

6. Extend Kindness Unconditionally

Cultivate unconditional friendliness and acceptance towards yourself, as this directly enables you to extend unconditional regard and openness to other people.

7. Warm Your Inner Weather

Integrate loving kindness (metta) or Tonglen practices into your meditation to cultivate warmth towards your inner experiences, allowing you to approach difficult emotions with humor and less aversion.

8. Avoid Adding Rage

When experiencing hardship, consciously choose not to add rage or bitterness to the situation, as these emotions will only consume you and prolong your own suffering.

9. Condemn Act, Not Person

When faced with actions you disagree with, condemn the harmful act itself, but refrain from condemning the person, remembering that individuals are capable of change and possess inherent goodness.

10. Place Fear in Kindness

When fear arises, acknowledge it with kindness and warmth, rather than aversion, to create a nurturing space for understanding and processing the emotion.

11. Observe Fear Storylines

Pay attention to your internal narratives and storylines, recognizing how they can escalate and exaggerate your fear, and understand that feeding these thoughts causes more pain.

12. Return to Body with Fear

During meditation, practice letting go of fear-inducing thoughts and redirect your attention to the physical sensations of fear in your body, rather than getting caught in mental rumination.

13. Breathe into Physical Fear

When feeling fear physically, breathe deeply into the contracted areas of your body, using the in-breath to open and expand with warmth, and the out-breath to relax and release.

14. Engage Immediate Experience

Engage directly with the immediate physical and emotional sensations of your experience, without the interference of analytical thoughts, to find a more settled and genuine understanding.

15. Calmness Unlocks Insights

Cultivate inner calmness and settledness through practices that foster warmth and compassion, as this state can open the door to new insights and fresh perspectives on challenging situations.

16. Open Heart to Suffering

Maintain an open heart to the suffering and losses experienced by others, allowing the strong and vivid feeling of interconnectedness to arise.

17. Be a Calming Presence

Strive to cultivate inner calmness, especially in crisis situations, as the presence of one calm individual can positively influence and calm those around them.