Deliberately choose and shape your habits to avoid them creeping in accidentally and to make them an engine for positive change.
Mindfully choose what you want to do, then automate the process to avoid using mental energy and self-control on daily decisions, freeing up mental resources.
Begin any habit change by understanding your own nature (e.g., morning/night person, abstainer/moderator, tendency) rather than relying on generic advice, as there is no one-size-fits-all solution.
Determine if you are an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel to understand how you respond to expectations and tailor habit-forming strategies to your specific personality.
If you are an obliger and want to meet an inner expectation, establish some form of outer accountability, as this is key for you to stick to your goals.
Based on self-knowledge, design habits that are realistic and suited to your personal nature, rather than forcing yourself into unsuitable routines that are hard to maintain.
Maintain your self-mastery throughout the day by prioritizing sleep, avoiding extreme hunger, exercising (which boosts energy), and keeping your outer environment orderly.
Go to bed at a consistent, appropriate time to avoid the ‘danger zone’ of late-night fatigue where self-mastery is low and unhealthy habits are more likely to occur.
Determine your ideal bedtime by calculating backward from your necessary wake-up time, ensuring you get the right amount of sleep needed for your body.
Use an alarm to remind yourself to go to bed, preventing you from staying up too late due to distractions or adrenaline boosts from activities like checking work emails.
Complete pre-bed routines (e.g., brushing teeth, removing contacts) well before your planned bedtime to make the transition to sleep easier when you feel tired.
Cover or remove all sources of light in your bedroom, such as blinking electronics or glowing clocks, to create a darker environment conducive to sleep.
Lower the temperature in your bedroom by opening a window or using AC, as a cooler environment helps people fall asleep faster and sleep more deeply.
Incorporate exercise into your routine, as it not only boosts daytime energy and self-mastery but also helps you fall asleep faster and sleep more deeply at night.
Avoid using your bed for work or other non-sleep related activities to ensure it remains a refuge associated primarily with rest and sleep.
Maintain an orderly environment, especially in your bedroom, as outer order contributes to inner calm and can improve sleep quality and overall well-being.
Apply the ‘one-minute rule’ by immediately completing any task that takes less than a minute (e.g., hanging a coat, putting away a dish) to prevent clutter accumulation.
Adopt the habit of taking one item with you every time you leave a room, moving it closer to its proper place, to gradually reduce clutter.
Identify your personal obstacles (e.g., aversion to hangers) and implement simple solutions (e.g., hooks) to make desired actions easier and more likely to happen.
Place trash cans in multiple convenient locations throughout your home or office to make it easy to dispose of items immediately and prevent clutter.
When decluttering a space (e.g., drawer, closet), remove everything first, then selectively put items back in, which often helps identify more things to discard.
Understand that decluttering and organizing your physical environment can create a powerful sense of being more in control of your life overall, fostering optimism and creativity.
Get rid of broken or unused items that weigh on your conscience, as holding onto them can create mental burden and regret.
If you are an abstainer, find it easier to give up a strong temptation altogether rather than trying to indulge in moderation, as moderation can keep cravings active.
For abstainers, completely eliminating a temptation like sugar can silence the constant mental noise and decision-making associated with it, leading to a sense of freedom.
For abstainers, avoid weekly indulgence in temptations like sugar, as it keeps the craving alive and the possibility of deviation open, making it harder to maintain abstinence.
Identify and incorporate healthy treats into your routine to satisfy the need for reward and prevent overindulgence in unhealthy vices like excessive sugar.
Provide yourself with sufficient healthy treats to recharge your energy and self-control, preventing overwhelming urges and unhealthy binges.
Deliberately choose treats that are satisfying and don’t trigger painful, out-of-control behaviors, like French fries instead of sugar for some individuals.
If you choose to indulge, plan it for special occasions and look forward to it, rather than indulging spontaneously or on a regular schedule like once a week.
After an indulgence, reflect on whether it was a source of pleasure or if it felt out of control and led to shame, to guide future choices and avoid regret.
Track behaviors that are important to you, as monitoring increases mindfulness and often leads to improved performance and adherence to habits.
Monitoring your actions makes you more mindful and aware of what you’re actually doing, which naturally encourages better behavior and self-correction.
Schedule tasks or habits that require significant self-mastery earlier in the day when your willpower is less depleted, increasing your chances of success.
For most people (except Rebels), schedule important habits and even fun activities into your calendar, just like a trip to the dentist, to increase the likelihood of sticking to them.
Understand that meditation is a mental exercise where you observe thoughts without judgment and return to your focus, strengthening your ability to relate differently to your internal thought machine.
Do not judge the value of meditation solely by your experience on the cushion (e.g., frustration), but rather by its positive effects on your life off the cushion, such as increased focus and mindfulness.
Seek out new information or experiences that can fundamentally shift your beliefs, leading to effortless and rapid habit change, as new beliefs cause habits to fall in line.
Recognize that you can only change yourself, not others, but your own changes can influence relationships and others’ behaviors indirectly.
When trying to influence others’ habits, let your successful example be more persuasive to them than direct nagging or nudging.
When trying to persuade others, sharing personal transformation stories can often be more powerful and effective than presenting studies or data.
Form or join a group with others who are also trying to change habits to provide mutual outer accountability, which is especially helpful for obligers.
Understand what specific types of outer accountability (e.g., app texts, live person consequences, financial commitment, role modeling) motivate you to stick to habits.
For obligers, use your sense of duty to others or your desire to be a role model (e.g., for your children) as a powerful form of outer accountability.
If someone asks you for accountability, provide it, as they are asking because they know they need it to achieve their goals and stick to their habits.
For rebel children, offer a menu of options and remind them of their own desires, as they resist being told what to do and prefer to choose for themselves.
For an obliger child, link their desired activity (e.g., playing violin) to a consequence (e.g., paying for lessons) if they don’t meet their own commitment, allowing them to choose and take ownership.