Recognize that your mind is trainable and not fixed by ‘factory settings’; actively work on improving challenging aspects of yourself and enhancing positive attributes.
Engage in meditation to continuously improve skills like mindfulness, compassion, calm, and concentration, understanding that there are no physical limitations to this personal growth.
Approach difficult aspects of your personality or ‘demons’ with warmth and understanding, viewing them as outdated programs trying to help, rather than fighting them, which only strengthens them.
When facing difficulties or making mistakes, resist adding self-judgment, shame, and negative self-talk, as this ‘second arrow’ only creates additional, voluntary suffering.
Explore and interweave various psychological and Buddhist practices (e.g., mindfulness, loving kindness, IFS, self-compassion, internal counter-programming) to develop a comprehensive and personalized toolkit for managing your mind.
Understand that personal development and growth are not linear; setbacks and plateaus are natural parts of the journey, so remind yourself of this to avoid discouragement.
Overcome self-consciousness and embrace practices that might initially seem ‘cheesy’ or awkward, as ‘getting over yourself’ can be a key to unlocking personal freedom and growth.
Regularly question and clarify your underlying motivations for exercise (e.g., long-term health for family vs. superficial appearance) to ensure they align with your deeper values and lead to more sustainable habits.
Acknowledge the mix of motivations (both high-minded and crass) in your actions, and consciously strive to emphasize and cultivate the wholesome motivations while deemphasizing the unwholesome ones.
View ’love’ (defined broadly as the capacity to care for oneself and others) as a trainable skill rather than a fixed trait, and actively work on developing this family of skills.
Practice self-compassion by viewing personal screw-ups as isolated incidents or patterns, rather than fundamental truths about yourself, which also helps reduce judgment towards others.
Engage in empathy by imagining yourself in others’ shoes and circumstances to understand their actions, fostering less judgment and more understanding.
Practice both acceptance (allowing negative thoughts to be present and exploring them) and active change (choosing to cultivate different thoughts or ‘change the channel’), discerning when and for how long to apply each approach.
Consider naming different ‘parts’ or prominent modes of your mind (e.g., jealous mode, anger mode) to objectify them, making it easier to identify and work with these aspects of your personality.
Invest in improving your communication skills, potentially by exploring systems like nonviolent communication or other Buddhist-inflected coaching, to enhance your interactions with others.
For specific panic triggers (like claustrophobia or public speaking), engage in exposure therapy persistently and doggedly to prevent your life from shrinking, gradually facing fears with or without professional support.
When experiencing significant mental health setbacks, such as resurfacing panic attacks, promptly seek professional help from a therapist or mental health expert for advice and treatment.
Learn to distinguish between general anxiety and full-blown panic (where fight or flight kicks in), as different tools and strategies may be more effective for each state.
When you make a repeated mistake, ask yourself, ‘Was it as bad as the last time?’ This reframes the experience, helps you see subtle progress, and reduces self-judgment.
Adjust your exercise goals based on clarified motivations; for example, prioritize functional strength for long-term health over purely aesthetic goals.
Before or during exercise, consciously state your wholesome intentions (e.g., for happiness, strength, being present for loved ones) to boost grit and clarify priorities.
Reframe your work or contributions, even those with financial or recognition benefits, as an ’exchange of love’ that enables you to do more good and help others, creating a beneficial cycle.
Dedicate focused one-on-one time with your children, such as taking trips together, as this can significantly deepen your relationship and create unique bonds.
Adopt a long-term, compounding perspective on personal growth, understanding that consistent effort over time leads to significant, cumulative transformation, even if daily progress seems small.
Resist the urge to obsessively check your daily progress in meditation or personal growth; instead, view it from a broad, long-term perspective, accepting setbacks without self-punishment.