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From the Metta Hour Podcast with Sharon Salzberg | "Real Life" Book Preview

Apr 14, 2023 1h 44 insights
<p>You may have heard our interview with Sharon Salzberg earlier this week where we talked about openness, not believing the stories you tell yourself, and why the most powerful tools often seem the most stupid at first. I'm a big fan of hers and everything she does, so we wanted to give you a special preview of her new book, <em>Real Life: The Journey from Isolation to Openness and Freedom</em>. </p> <p> </p> <p>In <em>Real Life</em>, Sharon sets a path out for us, merging the insights of inspiring voices with her own teachings to:</p> <ul> <li>Uncover a deeper sense of ourselves</li> <li>Expand our vision of what's possible for ourselves</li> <li>Align our words, hearts, and actions with our core values</li> <li>Navigate loss without getting stuck in bitterness or disconnect</li> <li>Carry a sense of community with us, even in stormy times</li> <li>Recover from the emotional effects of crisis</li> <li>Learn the art of letting go and beginning again</li> <li>Build emotional intelligence to face times of difficulty without fear</li> <li>Seek out joy in everyday life, even when things don't go our way</li> <li>Befriend ourselves on the journey of being human</li> <li>Embark on the journey to embody a life of curiosity, authenticity, and freedom.</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p>So enjoy this excerpt from her book, <em>Real Life</em>.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace a Growth Mindset

Cultivate a growth mindset by believing that your basic qualities can be developed through effort, enabling you to pursue a more fulfilling and authentic life.

2. Question Your Assumptions

Actively question your unexamined assumptions, preconceptions, and judgments about yourself and the world to free yourself from limiting beliefs and open up to new possibilities.

3. Release Identity Attachments

Recognize that identifying your self-worth solely with external roles, titles, and accomplishments creates attachments that act as chains, preventing true fulfillment.

4. Engage Feelings with Kindness

Approach all your feelings and reactions with kindness and honesty to move from painful constriction to expansion and freedom, realizing your full capabilities.

5. Observe Contraction, Change Response

Develop awareness of feelings of contraction (anxiety, guilt, craving, rumination) and consciously change your habitual responses to them to avoid perpetuating suffering.

6. Cultivate Inner Spaciousness

Develop an inner environment where you can surround states of constriction with spaciousness, ease of heart, and kindness, fundamentally changing your relationship with these states.

7. Practice Moment-to-Moment Presence

Cultivate moment-to-moment presence as an antidote to the “badgering, contracting bully” of the mind, fostering wonder, awe, and appreciation.

8. Look with Quiet Eyes

Practice looking at the world with “quiet eyes,” letting go of grasping and straining for what you desire, to find peace and allow experiences to unfold naturally.

9. Investigate Worries, Then Release

When worries arise, investigate them by asking about their underlying story, origin, and reality, staying with the feeling until it’s processed, and then letting it go.

10. Reflect on Received Messages

Actively reflect on the messages you’ve received about your identity, belonging, and capabilities to understand how they might be shaping your current beliefs and actions.

11. Seek Safety in Silence

When needing to explore deep feelings, create a safe environment of silence, such as through a retreat or dedicated quiet time, to facilitate introspection.

12. Let Go of Baggage

Practice letting go of physical possessions, emotional baggage, old assumptions, and habitual reactions when transitioning or facing significant change, rather than clinging to them.

13. Don’t Over-Prepare for Change

Do not delay embarking on a new journey or making a change by trying to get everything perfectly in order beforehand; trust that you will manage in the new place.

14. Choose What to Internalize

Consciously choose whether to internalize or release assumptions and thoughts, recognizing that you have agency over what defines your reality.

15. Challenge Self-Imposed Limits

Challenge your self-imposed limitations and assumptions about the boundaries of your possibilities, as often the solution lies in thinking “outside the box” you’ve unconsciously created.

16. Author Your Life Story

Recognize your agency in shaping your life story, actively writing or rewriting it rather than passively accepting a predetermined narrative.

17. Cultivate Self-Love and Acceptance

Strive to become increasingly accepting and loving of yourself and others, moving away from perpetual discontent and battling reality due to a sense of deficiency.

18. Prioritize Being Over Doing

Shift your focus from constant “doing” and accumulating to “being” more, especially when reformulating self-worth away from external credentials and goals.

19. Value Direct Experience, Feeling

Prioritize direct experience and feeling over the accumulation of knowledge, as direct experience tends to be more expansive and less reductionist.

20. Embrace Non-Linear Growth

Understand that personal growth is not a rigid, linear process; you don’t need to fully satisfy one need before addressing others, as development involves moving two steps forward and one step back.

21. View Paths as Cycles

Instead of a linear path, view spiritual or personal development journeys as cycles, allowing for returning, renewal, and deeper engagement with practices each time.

22. Visualize Path as Double Helix

Conceive of the path to liberation as a double helix or a circular journey, rather than a linear one, allowing for returning to and deepening understanding of core practices.

23. Wander Consciously

Engage in your journey consciously, knowing that every moment, regardless of success or failure, contributes to your learning and growth.

24. Cultivate Inner Wyoming Confidence

Develop confidence in your inner potential for openness, spaciousness, clarity, and freedom, and actively nurture this inner “Wyoming” within yourself.

25. Cultivate Mindful Awareness, Friendship

Use mindful awareness, cultivate friendships, and foster a greater sense of meaning in daily life to embark on an inner journey toward expansive freedom.

26. Take Risks, Explore, Appreciate

Take risks in your imagination, explore internal states and people you usually avoid, practice appreciation and accountability, and redefine community to manifest expansive freedom.

27. Help Others from Experience

Reflect on your own experiences of suffering to cultivate empathy and motivate yourself to help others who are currently suffering.

28. Judge Actions by Intention

Assess the moral quality of your actions based on the intention behind them, rather than external criteria or social status.

29. Build a Secure Foundation

Establish a secure foundation of safety and stability in your environment, as this trust enables you to take risks and explore the world more freely.

30. Prioritize Connection to Others

Acknowledge that feeling connected to others is a fundamental human need, and seek out relationships characterized by unconditional positive regard.

31. Seek Unconditional Positive Regard

Foster connections where you feel seen, cared for, and safe to express your full range of feelings and experiences, embodying unconditional positive regard.

32. Live with Openness, Curiosity

Strive for self-actualization by living with openness and curiosity, fully expressing your potential and bringing personal growth and peak experiences into your life.

33. Choose for Wholeness

Frame your life choices around what will lead to greater integration and wholeness within yourself, rather than being driven by perpetual discontent or anxieties.

34. Shed External Stories, Discover Self

Engage in the process of shedding external narratives about yourself to discover your genuine identity, deepest values, and what truly contributes to a better life.

35. Cultivate Personal Goodness

Focus on cultivating personal goodness through your own effort and volition, recognizing that this is the only status that truly matters, regardless of external criteria like birth, caste, or gender.

36. Discover Sustaining Life Elements

Undertake the journey to liberation to personally discover the elements of life that truly sustain you and bring you closer to understanding reality.

37. Awaken Greater Aspiration

Counteract “blunted aspiration” by allowing greater dreams and possibilities to awaken within you, fostering a new sense of agency in your life.

38. Evict Grudges from Your Mind

When you find yourself obsessing over a grudge, use the phrase “I let him live rent-free in my brain for too long” as a trigger to consciously release the negative thought.

39. Cultivate Universal Belonging

Cultivate a deep sense of belonging and inherent right to exist fully in the world, recognizing your connection to the vastness of the universe.

40. Ultimately, Like Yourself

Understand that self-esteem ultimately boils down to genuinely liking yourself, encompassing self-worth, accomplishment, and respect from others.

41. Loosen Grip on Success Models

Actively loosen your attachment to inherited, linear models of success and failure, allowing for a more cyclical and integrated view of progress.

42. Engage Dharma Practices for Freedom

Engage with “Dharma” as a set of practices designed to lift you out of conditioning, assumed limits, and pervasive resignation, leading to a vital, creative, and free life.

43. Letting Go is Honest Release

Understand that true letting go is an honest acceptance of reality, not a refusal to feel or care, and this honesty brings profound release.

44. Recognize Mind’s Bullying Nature

Recognize that the mind can be a “badgering, contracting bully” and that simply accumulating knowledge often fails to shift this internal dynamic.