Start a loving kindness meditation practice for a few minutes a couple times a week by finding a quiet place, closing your eyes, and envisioning an easy person (friend/pet), repeating “May you be happy, safe, healthy, and live with ease.” Then, extend these phrases to yourself, a mentor, a neutral person, a difficult person, and finally, all beings everywhere, to cultivate warmth and compassion and experience physiological, psychological, and behavioral benefits.
Consciously replace your inner critic by putting your hand on your heart and talking to yourself as you would a good friend when you notice self-criticism, as research shows this process of replacing a sadistic inner tyrant with a supportive inner coach makes you more likely to reach your goals.
Recognize that to be less critical or harsh with others, you must first learn to be less critical and harsh with yourself, as self-love (properly understood as having your own back, not narcissism) makes you better at loving other people and improves relationships.
When negative thoughts or “demons” (like anger or self-centeredness) emerge, especially during meditation, place a hand on your heart and offer yourself a comforting, supportive phrase like “it’s all good dude, I know this sucks but I’ve got you,” realizing these are fear-based programs trying to help, and disarming them with warmth rather than fighting them.
Sign up for a 360 review, opting for a comprehensive version that includes not just professional contacts but also close personal relationships like your spouse, brother, and even meditation teachers, to get a panoramic sense of your strengths and weaknesses and understand how your inner work is manifesting externally.
After receiving critical feedback or identifying personal shortcomings, actively pursue various self-improvement methods such as psychotherapy, communications coaching, bias training, and couples counseling to address issues and improve your behavior and relationships.
Participate in a nine-day silent retreat specifically focused on loving kindness meditation to intensely boost your capacity for warmth and become a nicer person, even if the concept initially seemed unappealing.