Honestly examine the “black bag” of dark experiences and old stories you carry, such as a victim mentality, because unaddressed, these hidden aspects will negatively impact your behavior and relationships, hindering true intimacy.
Completely allow yourself to be wherever you are in a spontaneous and available way, as this is Koshin’s definition of intimacy and leads to richer, more loving relationships and a more dynamic life.
Reflect on and identify five people who you know would show up for you no matter what, as building this core community is crucial to combat social isolation and fulfill our innate need for social connection.
Engage in meditation to learn how to stay present with your experiences, soften into difficult feelings, and build the confidence to bear what you previously thought unbearable, fostering self-acceptance.
Allow yourself to feel healthy embarrassment about your behaviors and vulnerabilities, as this can lead to greater self-awareness and open the door to richer, more loving relationships.
Develop the willingness to be more transparent in your relationships by sharing what you choose, when you choose, as this fosters deeper connections and a sense of being truly seen and heard.
Practice maintaining eye contact during conversations, as this helps overcome the tendency to look away when feeling vulnerable and fosters deeper intimacy and presence in interactions.
Cultivate curiosity about the people you encounter in your daily life, such as baristas or neighbors, as this can transform your moment-to-moment experience and foster a greater sense of connection.
Cultivate a “soft belly” awareness, particularly during challenging conversations, to ground yourself in the present moment and disengage from a racing mind.
Practice compassion for those who express hatred or cause harm, even while holding them accountable, to prevent being overcome by negativity and to cultivate genuine, unlimited compassion.
Practice asking real, brave, and curious questions in your relationships, as this is an act of intimacy and love that can lead to deeper connection and understanding.
Learn to “grow up” by tenderly caring for the “little guy” or old stories residing within you, fostering self-love and integration for a more wholehearted life.
Pay attention to how your behaviors, especially with phones and social media, contribute to distraction and a lack of connection, as this “Zombieland” quality is a major concern leading to social isolation.
Intentionally slow down your pace, be willing to help others, and “wake up” to the presence of people around you, as this simple approach enhances daily interactions and connection.
Engage in small acts of kindness, such as holding a door open for someone, because these positive interactions feel good and can be scaled infinitely throughout your day.
When meditating, focus your attention on your Hara, the area two inches below your belly button, to cultivate a fully embodied experience and observe how it influences the quality of your mind.
When practicing mindfulness in daily life, use a light touch with your attention on sensory experiences, similar to holding something delicate, to avoid hypervigilance and foster an embodied present moment awareness.
Do not attempt to pay attention to every single sensory detail at all times, as this can lead to hypervigilance, mental exhaustion, and ironically become a form of distraction.
Periodically assess your meditation time goals, considering your current life responsibilities and the actual impact on your well-being, to ensure your practice remains manageable and doesn’t create undue stress.
Differentiate between formal seated meditation time and informal mindfulness practices like mindful eating or walking, as formal practice is a distinct category not typically counted by teachers like Joseph Goldstein as daily life activities.
Embrace the Zen teaching of allowing the “10,000 things” (all experiences, joys, and sorrows) to flow without rigid control, fostering liveliness, spontaneity, and intimacy in your life.
The “crossing the line” exercise, where people physically move based on shared experiences, can reveal vulnerabilities and differences, fostering intimacy and understanding within a group.