When developing kindness or tenderness (Tsewa), ensure it is accompanied by intelligence and critical thinking to understand what works and what doesn’t, preventing ‘idiot compassion’ and protecting yourself from being pushed around.
To develop kindness, turn your mind inward to observe your state, acknowledge your aspirations, hopes, drives, fears, and vulnerabilities, as this self-knowledge is the most important first step to connect with others.
After understanding your own fears and vulnerabilities, recognize that everyone else shares these same internal experiences, seeing past superficial differences to an essential identicality as living beings, which makes it easier to develop tenderness and openness towards them.
Dedicate 5-10 minutes daily to a formal meditation practice, or simply quiet reflection, by repeating phrases such as ‘may all sentient beings be happy and have the cause and conditions of happiness’ to build the muscle of tenderness and sustain an open state of mind.
To sustain a state of openness and tenderness (Tsewa), make aspirations or ‘prayers’ for the happiness, joy, and favorable conditions of all living beings, consciously repeating phrases like ‘may all sentient beings be happy and have the cause and conditions of happiness’.
Instead of operating in an automatic mode of constant outward achievement, regularly turn your mind inward to examine what you are trying to achieve, why, the emotions and reasons behind it, and what you are truly feeling, to get in touch with your internal life.
In quiet moments, such as in a park, before sleep, or when reflecting, genuinely ask yourself fundamental questions like ‘What do I want?’, ‘Who am I?’, ‘Where am I going?’, ‘Why do I aspire to that?’, and ‘Why am I fixated on this?’ to discover your true internal state without seeking immediate smart answers.
By opening your heart, feeling tenderness (Tsewa), and making aspirations for humanity, you can achieve positive mental states that reduce desperation for worldly achievements, even while acknowledging their potential value.
When you lose balance and act out of self-protection or aggression, practice self-correction through regrets, remorse, feeling apologetic, and confessing, as these actions are crucial for increasing tenderness (Tsewa) and preventing its loss.
Even if you start with tendencies like anger or short-temper, you can slowly train your mind to develop openness, tenderness, and a non-threatening presence, being available and willing to stretch yourself to help others, which transforms your relationships and internal state.
To develop kindness (Tsewa), first cultivate a genuine interest and intention to want it, recognizing that it is both a source and a state of happiness, rather than approaching it as a forced obligation.
Understand that just as you appreciate warmth, openness, and non-threatening connection from others, they appreciate it from you; use this mutual appreciation as a basis to develop these qualities within yourself.
When experiencing feelings of emptiness, void, or being lost after pursuing worldly desires, use these insights as a catalyst to seriously pursue or deepen meditation practice, as it can lead to a sense of peace and grace.
When meditating, practice mindfulness by noting both pleasant and unpleasant experiences without getting overly attached or aversive to them, recognizing that all experiences are passing and will arise and pass away.
If you experience unusual or intense sensations during meditation (e.g., euphoric feelings, physical lightness), consult a genuinely experienced meditation teacher for guidance, as they are qualified to explain and help navigate these experiences.
As a secular meditator, wholeheartedly experiment with visiting local Buddhist communities or temples, as you may find valuable practices and connections without needing to embrace religious beliefs, even if some aspects feel initially uncomfortable.