← 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Dr. Bianca Harris

Dec 20, 2017 1h 2m 13 insights
Dan interviews his wife, Bianca Harris, who is a big part of the storyline in his new book, "Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics: A 10% Happier How-to Book." She resisted starting a meditation practice for years, but has recently made a change. The book is on sale Dec. 26 and available for pre-order now.
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Space Between Stimulus

Practice meditation to create a crucial space between a stimulus (e.g., anger, frustration) and your response, allowing you to observe emotions before acting on them and thus respond more thoughtfully.

2. Integrate Meditation into ‘Lost’ Time

Instead of finding new time, incorporate meditation into periods you perceive as ’lost’ or unavoidable, such as while putting a child to sleep. This can make the practice feel less overwhelming and more sustainable.

3. Practice ‘Taking Back Lazy’ Meditation

To ease into meditation, sprawl out on the floor with low-volume TV in the background, focusing attention on physical feelings of relaxation. When distracted, gently return your focus, giving yourself permission to enjoy laziness.

4. Learn from Falling Off Habits

View falling off a habit (like meditation) as a useful learning opportunity. It allows you to viscerally recognize the benefits the practice provided, thereby incentivizing you to get back on track.

5. Form Habits with Benefits, Not Willpower

Understand that willpower is a finite resource and ineffective for habit formation. Instead, focus on the tangible benefits derived from a practice, as these positive outcomes will naturally pull you forward and sustain the habit.

6. Embrace Failure in Habit Formation

Accept that forming habits involves a process of experimentation, falling off the wagon, and repeatedly getting back on. This iterative process of ‘failure’ is a natural and necessary part of habit development.

7. Reframe Self-Care as Incorporation

Shift your perspective on self-care practices (like meditation) from being an obligation to something that can be easily incorporated into your existing routine, giving yourself permission to ‘fudge it’ and not aim for perfection.

8. Drop Pressure for Formal Practice

If you are already effectively incorporating meditation into unavoidable daily moments, release the self-imposed pressure to transition to a more formal or structured practice. Your current method is valid and beneficial.

9. Engage in Exercise for Mental Space

Adopt physical activities like solo cycling not just for physical health, but also as a means to create mental space, process thoughts and feelings, and experience a sense of well-being, similar to meditation.

10. Motivate Self-Care for Family Well-being

Frame your personal exercise and self-care routines as a way to be healthier and more present for your children and partner, using this external motivation to sustain your commitment.

11. Manage Your Inner Critic

Recognize that a critical inner voice or ‘running self-reproach’ is a common human experience. Cultivate awareness of this voice and learn to manage it, rather than letting it dictate your actions or self-perception.

12. Communicate Personal Practice Needs

Openly discuss and schedule your personal self-care practices (like meditation) with your partner. Clear communication and mutual understanding can prevent conflict and integrate individual habits into shared life.

13. Avoid Lecturing Others on Meditation

Refrain from lecturing or nagging others about meditation, as this approach can be annoying and counterproductive, potentially creating resistance rather than encouraging adoption of the practice.