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Doing Diversity Work Without Shame, Self-Compassion Series, Sydney Spears

Oct 9, 2019 1h 49m 17 insights
Dr. Sydney Spears is a professor at the University of Kansas School of Social Welfare and holds a PhD in Clinical Social Work from Smith College. As a woman of color, she tells us she has experienced layers of oppression and discrimination. Looking for a way to make sense of these experiences, and the difficult emotions she felt because of them, she became interested in meditation. Through her mindfulness practice she realized her identity did not need to be defined by the social constructs society often uses to discriminate. She found comfort in knowing that while she may not be able to control her external experiences, no one could affect her internal peace. Now she teaches the concept of mindful self-compassion to help others come to this same realization. Plug Zone Website: https://midlifeateasecounseling.com/ Twitter: @MidlifeAtEase Midwest Alliance for Mindfulness: https://mindfulness-alliance.org/ ***VOICEMAILS*** Have a question for Dan? Leave us a voicemail: 646-883-8326
Actionable Insights

1. Practice 3-Step Self-Compassion

When experiencing pain or difficulty, first be mindful of the feeling, then recognize that suffering is a universal human experience, and finally, extend kindness or support to yourself. This method helps manage difficult emotions and fosters resilience.

2. Externalize Difficult Emotions

Clearly identify difficult emotions like shame or anger (e.g., ‘I am experiencing anger’ rather than ‘I am anger’). This practice helps externalize emotions, allowing you to observe them with curiosity and prevent them from defining your entire self.

3. Disidentify from External Negativity

When encountering microaggressions or hateful language, ask yourself if the external narrative reflects your internal truth. This practice helps differentiate socially constructed concepts from your authentic self, preventing the internalization of harm.

4. Cultivate Mindful Awareness of Power

Build mindful awareness of your own power and privilege, as well as that of others, in social interactions. This understanding helps decrease the likelihood of causing harm and improves cross-cultural interactions.

5. Use Self-Compassion as Resource

Develop self-compassion as an internal resource for self-leadership and setting appropriate boundaries. This practice helps you fulfill your own needs and build inner strength, reducing dependence on external systems for support.

6. Transform Anger into Action

Acknowledge anger as a cue or signal that something needs to be done, then make meaning of that anger by channeling it into actions for the greater good. This approach uses anger constructively rather than letting it lead to passivity or toxicity.

7. Practice Mindfulness in Chaos

Actively place yourself in noisy, crowded, or chaotic social situations and bring your meditation practice to bear. Allow yourself to ride the pain, discomfort, or agitation that arises to deepen your practice and improve navigation of the world.

8. Embrace Suffering for Compassion

Fully open to and embrace your own pain and suffering, accepting your imperfections. This mindful self-compassion practice allows you to respond compassionately to your own struggles, which in turn helps you open up to the suffering of others, even those who have hurt you.

9. Practice Forgiveness for Freedom

Extend forgiveness to others who have harmed you and to yourself for your own mistakes and missteps. This practice involves meeting tough emotions like revenge, righteousness, shame, and guilt with compassion and remembering common humanity to foster reconciliation and healing.

10. Work on Personal Happiness

Focus on training your own mind, managing your ego, and cultivating personal happiness. This inner work creates positive ripple effects, influencing everyone you encounter and contributing to a better world.

11. Actively Help Others

Seek opportunities to actively help other people, whether through volunteering, being kinder to co-workers, or being more generous in personal relationships. This engagement empowers you to make positive changes locally.

12. Tune into Embodied Pain

When witnessing injustice or suffering, notice the physical pain or discomfort it causes in your body. Mindfully tuning into this embodied experience allows it to pass, enabling you to take action from a clearer, less blindly driven place.

13. Practice Affectionate Breathing

When feeling overwhelmed, practice affectionate breathing by consciously taking a breath and considering the sensation of soothing, nurturing, and protection as you breathe in. This can provide immediate self-soothing.

14. Cultivate Empathy for Mindlessness

When observing mindlessness or unhelpful behavior in others, cultivate empathy by understanding that confusion, greed, and hatred run deep in all people. This broader perspective helps reduce self-righteousness and fosters compassion.

15. Don’t Internalize Social Narratives

Recognize that society constructs narratives about identity that you don’t need to fully accept or bring into every interaction. Your internal reality can be divorced from these external stories, allowing for greater personal freedom.

16. Meditate for Better Life

Understand that the purpose of meditation is not just to become a better meditator on the cushion, but to apply the practice to life itself, becoming a better and more effective human being in daily interactions.

17. Prioritize Quality Relationships

Recognize that humans are intensely social creatures and that the quality of your relationships is paramount for your well-being and effective navigation of the world.