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Do You Feel Like an Imposter? | Dr. Valerie Young (Co-Interviewed by Dan's Wife, Bianca!)

Mar 15, 2023 1h 5m 21 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><em>---</em></p> <p><br /></p> <p>The phrase imposter syndrome has increasingly crept into the culture. If you haven't heard of it, it basically means that you feel like you're a fraud, despite evidence to the contrary. As this term has gained more purchase in our culture, it's also been subjected to an increasing amount of scrutiny and criticism, and also confusion. So, today we're going to try to cut through some of that with Dr. Valerie Young, who's been an internationally recognized expert on imposter syndrome since 1982.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>Young is the co-founder of the <a href="https://impostorsyndrome.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Imposter Syndrome Institute</a>. She wrote a book called, <a href="https://impostorsyndrome.com/about-the-book/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It</em></a><em>.</em> As you'll hear her explain, imposter syndrome is not just for women — men deal with it, too, as do many other people along the gender spectrum.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><em>This is the second installment of our ongoing work/life series.</em></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>The three things that define impostor syndrome </li> <li>Dr. Young's contention that imposter syndrome impacts both men and women, but tends to hold women back more</li> <li>What it means to shift from impostor thinking to thinking like "a humble realist"</li> <li>Why we need to learn to reframe competence</li> <li>Whether or not impostor syndrome is limited to the professional sphere</li> <li>The impact of identity/social group </li> <li>Three tools for dealing with imposter feelings</li> <li>Whether or not imposter feelings ever go away</li> <li>What to do if you're in a relationship with someone with imposter syndrome</li> <li>And whether there are any upsides to imposter syndrome</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/valerie-young-574" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/valerie-young-574</a></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Normalize Imposter Moments

When experiencing imposter thoughts, pause and contextualize your feelings by acknowledging normal reasons (e.g., being a student, being in a new environment, being in a competitive field) rather than personalizing them.

2. Reframe Like Humble Realist

After normalizing, reframe the situation by considering how a ‘humble realist’ (someone genuinely humble but without imposter syndrome) would think, feel, or act differently in the same scenario.

3. Act on New Thoughts

Even if you don’t fully believe the new, reframed thoughts, consciously act as if you do, practicing the behaviors of a humble realist to build genuine confidence.

4. Redefine Personal Competence

Challenge and redefine what competence means to you, moving beyond faulty notions like needing ease/speed, doing everything alone, or knowing 150% before acting.

5. Cultivate Self-Trust

Develop a fundamental trust in your ability to figure things out, even if you don’t have all the answers upfront, rather than equating intelligence with effortless knowledge.

6. Practice Self-Forgiveness

Forgive yourself for minor mistakes and put perceived failures into perspective, recognizing that others are often not scrutinizing your performance as much as you believe.

7. Recognize Normal Self-Doubt

Understand that nervousness, anxiety, and self-doubt are normal human experiences, even for competent individuals, and do not equate these feelings with being an imposter.

8. Avoid Stating Unknowns

When giving presentations or speaking, avoid beginning by highlighting your lack of knowledge, as this can undermine your perceived competence and confidence.

9. Embrace Winging It

Reframe ‘winging it’ or improvising not as deceit, but as a valuable skill involving curiosity, adaptability, and going with the flow when you don’t have all the answers.

10. Contextualize Cultural Self-Doubt

If you are in an organizational culture that inherently fuels self-doubt (e.g., medicine, academia), normalize your feelings by attributing them to the culture rather than personalizing them.

11. Challenge Childhood Perfectionism

If raised with messages that only perfection is acceptable, consciously work to challenge this internal standard and accept that excellence doesn’t require flawlessness.

12. Validate Own Accomplishments

If you received little praise as a child, actively work to validate your own achievements and recognize your worth, rather than solely relying on external affirmation.

13. Manage Over-Praise Dependency

If overly praised as a child, learn to objectively discern the quality of your work and avoid becoming overly dependent on constant positive feedback from others.

14. Acknowledge Stereotype Pressure

If you belong to a group facing stereotypes about intelligence or competence, acknowledge that this societal pressure can increase your vulnerability to imposter syndrome and normalize these feelings.

15. Define Personal Success

Consciously define what success means to you, incorporating values like meaning, balance, and relationships, rather than solely adhering to traditional metrics of power, money, and status.

16. Normalize Parental Doubt

As a parent, recognize that feelings of doubt and inadequacy are normal for this challenging role, and avoid personalizing concerns about others’ judgments of your parenting.

17. Support Partner’s Imposter Feelings

When a partner expresses imposter feelings, prioritize active listening and validation (‘sit in the dark with them’) instead of offering pep talks or trying to fix their problem.

18. Avoid Co-Ruminating Thoughts

Refrain from excessively dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings about imposter syndrome with others, as this ‘co-ruminating’ can increase anxiety and depression without leading to solutions.

19. Consider Therapy for Issues

If imposter syndrome is accompanied by depression or anxiety, consider seeking therapy, as it can be a useful tool for addressing these combined challenges.

20. Reject ‘Imposter Superpower’ Notion

Dismiss the idea that imposter syndrome is a beneficial ‘superpower,’ as its negative impacts (e.g., self-doubt, pulling back) generally outweigh any perceived advantages.

21. Strive for Humble Realism

Instead of aiming to be ’non-imposter,’ set the aspirational and attainable goal of becoming a ‘humble realist’ – someone who is genuinely humble yet confident in their capabilities.