Develop courage to approach distress and wisdom to act effectively in alleviating or preventing suffering, as these are central ingredients for genuine and helpful compassion.
Transition from a fear-and-rage-based ’threat system’ to a ‘compassion system’ to pursue your goals, as a compassionate inner coach provides a cleaner-burning, more effective fuel for inspiration and support.
Work with the underlying fears (e.g., rejection, not being good enough, isolation) that drive self-criticism and hostility, rather than directly confronting the critic, to heal deeper insecurities.
Instead of fighting or ‘slaying’ your inner critic, aim to heal it by understanding it as an injured, frightened part of yourself driven by underlying fears, shifting from confrontation to care.
Imagine your inner critic outside yourself, listen to its words, understand its feelings towards you, and what it wants to do, to reveal its inherent hostility and ineffectiveness in truly supporting you.
Cultivate sensitivity to your own suffering and needs, then apply wisdom to discern what actions would genuinely be helpful, ensuring your self-compassion is both responsive and effective.
When re-evaluating negative thoughts, intentionally create a compassionate motive and use a friendly, kind tone to avoid the hostility that can undermine the effectiveness of cognitive work.
Consciously practice compassion-focused imagery and focuses to stimulate specific brain systems that are conducive to well-being, confidence, and effectively dealing with self-criticism.
Engage in meditation by imagining a wise, empathic, and caring figure, and practice receiving compassion from this imagined being to stimulate your care system and overcome resistance to self-compassion.
Imagine yourself embodying ideal compassionate qualities like wisdom and friendliness, then actively practice these qualities in daily life, such as smiling at others, to develop your compassionate self.
Develop emotional courage to tolerate intense emotional pain, such as grief, as this is crucial for processing difficult emotions rather than avoiding them, especially for those accustomed to physical courage.
When addressing trauma, proceed slowly and incrementally, ideally with a therapist, and develop grounding practices (body awareness, breathing) and an inner kind, understanding voice to foster self-supportiveness.
Be aware of the thoughts, shame, and self-criticism that may arise with trauma memories, noticing if you become hostile to yourself during these experiences, as this awareness is key to compassionate processing.
Gradually work through the ‘big three’ emotions of anger, anxiety, and grief associated with trauma, while maintaining a compassionate orientation towards each emotion, never pushing faster than your body is ready.
Use slow, smooth diaphragmatic breathing (e.g., five seconds in, two-second pause, five seconds out) to stimulate your vagus nerve, promoting a sense of grounding, settling, and calming in your body.
Regularly practice mindfulness to improve the tone of your vagus nerve, enhancing your body’s natural calming and grounding mechanisms and supporting overall well-being.
Cultivate friendship and interactions that evoke a sense of connection, and consciously adopt a gentle facial expression during meditations, as both actions stimulate the vagus nerve and shift emotions towards joy and calm.
Pursue ambition with a crucial awareness of its impact on other people, ensuring your drive does not cause harm and considering the consequences of your actions on those around you.
Develop a compassionate attitude toward yourself to become less vulnerable to rejection and criticism from others, leading to greater openness, lightness, and playfulness in your interactions.
Cultivate self-compassion to foster playfulness, gentleness, and a greater interest in the well-being of others, leading to a significantly improved way of being in the world and better relationships.
When encountering resistance to practices (e.g., finding them ‘cheesy’ or artificial), explore the underlying fears or concerns driving that resistance, understanding that these are powerful tools to stimulate specific brain systems.
Visit www.compassionatemind.co.uk to find resources, exercises, practices, books, and research related to compassion-focused therapy for further learning and implementation.